Monday, March 8, 2010

As for me, it is good to be near God.

Psalm 73:28 But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge, I will tell of all your deeds. I can still feel my heart sinking in my toes when the doctor told me, "Your body is killing your boy babies." It was the third miscarriage in two years. The fourth child that we had lost. The words were like a sword into my already broken heart. I remember arguing with the doctor, "If God wants me to have a son, I will have a son!" The doctor replied, "God helps those who help themselves, maybe you should do natural selection and guarantee a healthy baby boy." I replied, "God is the only guarantee I need." I walked out of the doctor's office and never returned. My two girls were now nine and four. After having several miscarriages and already having two beautiful healthy children, you would think I would have stopped trying. But, I just felt in my heart that there was still room for one more. My family was just not complete We tried again, and I became pregnant for the seventh time at the age of thirty. "I'm not going to lose this one," I remember telling my oldest child. I continued to have faith although the odds were against us. I can't possibly lose another baby, I would tell myself. "God, its all up to you. I will give you all the faith that I can possibly hold in my heart." And I did. I gave it all to him! I prayed and believed the entire pregnancy. I even told God specifically what I wanted my "son" to look like. I wanted a dark haired, blue eyed little boy that looked just like his dad. I knew that if I stayed faithful and near God, he would give me the desires of my heart. I was right! This past weekend we spent most of our Saturday at the ballpark. As I watched my beautiful, dark haired, blue eyed little boy,(who looks just like his dad) nervously go up to bat at baseball tryouts, I couldn't help but grin from ear to ear with pride. The pride wasn't just about my little boy batting and hitting the ball for the first time on a baseball field, it was , "Wow, look what my God did for me. That's my son, my SON!" Being near God has been my survival for my entire life. Yes, there has been heartache along the way at times, but HE is always there for me. HE dries my tears and gives me a new reason each day to love HIM. He gives me my desire to hope for things unseen and the things that man will tell me is not possible. But, to be near God, is to know HIM and I know that God has the best instore for me. So, it is good for me to be near God!

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