Tuesday, December 4, 2012

I'm over it.



As I sit here with my fingers on the keys of my laptop,
I'm not quite sure what to write about.
My feelings and emotions are all over the place right now.
It's been quite an overwhelming and emotionally draining few days.
I thought of not writing at all,
but then I remembered why I started writing in the first place.
He whispered into my heart and He said,
"Write your story. Write. Write it down."
I realized, that on days like today--when I am overwhelmed with emotion,
and my heart has been slung out on the floor somewhere,
and I'm trying to find it to assess the damage,
while feeling the pain of two emotional black eyes,
and the hurt of being kicked in the gut...
it's the perfect time to write.
this is when I am most raw and honest with you,
and we can connect in a way that we may not have before.

Because we all feel this way at one time or another...
when life has bullied you around and you feel like giving up.
As I look back on the last few days,
 and see the debris that this emotional fight has left,
it angers me.
The enemy thinks he is a slick one,
but he is not.
I can see his scaley fingerprints all over the past few days.
I can smell his stench all around me,
and I can almost picture his beety little eyes poking out in excitement,
the moment he thought he had me in his grip.
The enemy comes in the form of a person,
or a fear, or a doubt, or a weakness,
or within words that he knows will harm me the most,
knocking me back into my past to taste the ashes in the dirt.
But, God's word speaks into my heart again and again,
Ephesians 6:12
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

He goes on to remind me,
Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.
Yesterday I felt wrestled,
 and I wanted to give up.
But, I woke up this morning ready to fight.
Lamentations 3:23
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.

Isaiah 61:3
To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.

The enemy has a plan to destroy me,
a plan to stop me in my tracks,
to keep me frozen in fear,
a plan to prevent me from fulfilling God's call on my heart to serve.
That's why he has attacked me where it hurts the most.
His plan is to harden my heart,
to make me feel not good enough,
to make me give up,
and throw in the towel of defeat.
To stop me.
But he hasn't won.
He won't win.
Phillippians 1:6
And I am sure that God who began a good work in you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.
You see,
he doesn't have anything new up his sleeve that he hasn't used before.
He's all washed up. He uses the same stuff over and over.
He wants to destroy us with old things.
He wants us all to think that he is something to fear, but he is not.
He is only allowed to harm us where we let him.
He is only able to do what we allow him to do to us.
And frankly...I'm over it.

I don't have time for his nonsense.
There is nothing new about his tricks.

He has nothing new because he is not the Creator.
God is.
God tells me to keep moving forward.
He tells me He is good and His goodness will not leave me.
He tells me that I am worth it.
He calls me His Beloved and says I am good enough.
His grip on me is gentle, yet strong and mighty.
He lifts my beaten face up off the mat, wipes away my tears and whispers sweetly,
"You be still, I will fight for you."
He gives me His Word to stand on and to defend myself with.
He gives me salvation and mercy anew every morning.
He pours His love over me and I can feel my emotionally beaten body reviving.
I begin to rise up,
His loving kindness dripping from my body.
I feel renewed.
And as I stand upright,
I see Him standing here with me.
I see that my heart,
that has been slung around and trampled on,
is in His hands...
protected. covered. cherished. loved.
I. am. His.

His love for me is a force to be reckoned with.
Song of Solomon 6:3
I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine.
Jeremiah 29:11
 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

1 comment:

  1. I have no idea what you are going through or what has your heart troubled but I do know everything you said about God is true. He IS good, he IS faithful and he DOES have you firmly in his grip. Be joyful in all things. Choose joy and to stand firm just like you have done in the past.


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