Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Wherever it takes me.


Galatians 5:7
You were running a good race.  Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the One who calls you.  "A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough."  I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view. The one who is throwing you into confusion, whoever that may be, will have to pay the penalty.
Something happened a few weeks ago, that really had my heart wrecked.
It caused me to be an emotional mess for several days.
I reached sort of a crossroad in an area of my life.
A decision had to be made.
A hard decision.
A tough decision.
One that involved people that I care deeply about.
One that would effect many people I love.
One that could hurt friendships.
The feelings it caused me to have were out of my character and I didn't know where it was all coming from or how to sort through them.
It made me physically sick. I was a wreck.
The thing is...I didn't like the decision I had to make.
Even though I knew it was the one I was supposed to make, I still struggled with it.
I began to question:
People may be mad at me?
They may not like me anymore?
It may make me look like a bad person?
All the questions that it raised were all about me and how the outcome would effect me.
I had to stop myself. I had to pray about it. Really, really pray and seek God's direction.
Peace began to fill my heart as God showed me that the decision I was making, wasn't about me at all. There was a greater purpose within it and I didn't need to know what it was just yet. All I needed to do was to obey the call on my heart to make the decision.
The heart confusion that I was feeling was me fighting my own flesh to obey the call.  The enemy began to bring confusion in from all directions. Opinions from others began to try and sway me. My mind swirled with the question of the unknown.
I'd been studying the book of Exodus for several weeks.  God reminded me of Moses and how he too struggled with obeying the call that God had given him.  He begged God to pick someone else. Someone who was stronger.  Someone who was more qualified.  He feared that he would be made fun of, or disliked, or not be understood. His heart was wrecked. He was an emotional mess.
I get it, Moses, I totally get it.
I started this year with three words.  God gave them to me right before the new year began.
"Boldness to Obey"
That's it.
I began to let the words seep into my heart and spirit.
I prayed,
"God, give me the boldness to obey You. To do whatever you ask. No matter what that might look like. More of you, God. Less of me.  "
Lo and behold...there I was, just a few weeks later, in a tough situation where I needed to have the boldness to obey.
I (we) decided to obey Him, no matter the cost, no matter the outcome, trusting His guidance.
Will people be mad at me? Probably.
Will they not like me anymore? Maybe.
Will it make me look like a bad person? Most likely.

That part is difficult. It feels good to be loved, and liked, and cherished, and thought of as good. I'm just learning that you can have all of those things with someone and not necessarily have them agree with all of your decisions and vise versa. That too, can be difficult.
God never promised that the call on our life would be easy. He never said we'd have an audience of applause waiting for us. He promised blessing with obedience. His blessing.
He said it would be worth it, and it will not go unfinished.
Philippians 1:6
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
Moses obeyed.
He lost friends. He lost the only family he had ever known. He spent years alone in the wilderness.  People thought he was a little nuts.  People didn't understand. 
People didn't like him anymore.
But, that decision to obey, whether difficult or easy, or full of doubt and fear of the future...
led to the deliverance of hundreds of thousands of people into the Promised Land.
All God needed was his obedience.
Not his understanding.
Just his obedience.
The thing is...God didn't just lead Moses, He loved Moses. He protected Moses.
I truly want the boldness to obey.
I want to go wherever He leads.
Whatever that looks like...I want to obey.
Psalm 138:8
The LORD will vindicate me; your love, LORD, endures forever-- do not abandon the works of your hands.
God has shut a door for us. 
It took me by surprise.
I didn't see it coming.
He has asked us to keep the door shut. Not to open it until His timing is perfect. I'm not sure when that will be. Or if it will ever be.
But, I trust Him.  I fully trust His good for us. For our children. For our family.  I trust that His love for us will never waver. I trust that He will protect us. I trust Him to right the wrongs. I trust that He is all knowing. He sees the picture in its entirety. I see but a glimpse.   And even in my moments of doubt, or question, or fear, I want to obey Him.
His LOVE is all I need. It outweighs anything this world can offer.
It's always enough and I want to go wherever it takes me.

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