Thursday, June 10, 2010

Cry, cry, and cry some more.

John 11:32-35, "Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, 'Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to him, "Lord, come and see." Jesus wept. I believe, that we sometimes forget that Jesus was a man, and felt the same things we feel today. There have been moments in my life, that I was so caught up with my emotions about certain situations, that I have felt alone, like no one knew what I was going through. Forgetting, that Jesus knew. Forgetting, that He was right there with me, feeling every sorrow and catching every tear. Jesus felt sorrow. He was overwhelmed with emotion, by the death of a friend. He experienced mourning, on more than one occasion. He cried. He wept. He felt just like we feel. He felt fear, frustration, sorrow, and doubt. To cry, is a release of great emotion. He felt great emotion. There is nothing that we feel, that He hasn't already felt. There is no sorrow, that He has not carried himself. There is no pain, that He hasn't already endured. That is why we can go to Him with anything we have in our hearts, because He has also carried those feelings in His. As people, we normally attribute crying as a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it is just the opposite. Crying is the result of tapping into your emotions. That takes great strength at times. Especially since we tend to hide our emotions, in fear of being too vulnerable. Crying is the physical release of that emotion. There is freedom in crying. Weight is lifted in crying, therefore we become stronger to carry whatever comes next in our life. Crying is where the cleansing happens. Crying shows great strength! I lost one of my closest friends, when I was in my twenties. Her name was Hortense, she was my great-grandmother. When I was a teenager, I spent alot of time with her at her home. I spent many weekends with her, just hanging out. She was in her eighties then, but had the energy of a young woman. She would bring me to the pool, where she lived, and sit and watch, as I swam. She would go on walks with me. We would sit and watch hours of television together. Her favorite show was The Price is Right, she was in love with Bob Barker. She also loved to play the card game, Crazy Eight. She would cook for me, and I would help her clean her house. She made the best french toast in the world. I can still taste it! She was truly one of a kind. We called her Hortense, because she wouldn't allow any of us to call her Granny or Mawmaw. She wouldn't have that! She was simply Hortense to all her grandchildren, great-grand children, and great great-grandchildren. One thing a lot of people didn't know about her, was that she could not cry. She actually could not shed any tears. Often, she would think of her mother, and the emotions would be on her face, but no tears would ever fall. Her mother died, while giving birth to her, so she was never able to know her. She was adopted by her aunt, in which she loved as her mother. But, her heart ached to know her birth mother. Still, the tears never fell. And at times, her entire body would cry out with sadness, but she still could not cry. She couldn't cry out of sadness and she couldn't cry with joy. She even had moments where she would tell me, "Oh, how I wish I could cry. But, I can't. I really wish I could cry." My heart ached for her. She graced all of us with her presence for 97 years. I've wondered alot, about why she couldn't cry. Was it because she had a tear duct problem? Why would God give her so much emotions to carry, without allowing her to create tears to release it? I will never know, but not being able to cry, for your entire life, must have been very hard on her. The only reason I can give myself, is that perhaps, God was sitting next to her, catching her tears in His hands, before they fell. She loved the Lord with her whole being and was truly a God fearing woman, up to the day that she went to meet Jesus. Knowing that my grandmother couldn't cry, makes me appreciate the fact that I can. I probably cry too much, if that is possible. My children make fun of me, because I cry at everything. I cry on movies, that aren't even sad. I cry during songs. I cry on commercials. I cry when I'm happy. I cry alot...and often. It's not that I am sad, I guess I just carry alot of emotion. Maybe knowing that my grandmother couldn't cry, gives me more reason to cry. Maybe in a sense, I am crying for her, since she wasn't able to. Or, I could just be a "huge sap", as my kids call me. Whatever the reason..I will continue to cry. My great-grandmother used to always say, "Cry today, laugh tomorrow." And she was right!! If you think about it, laughter normally follows crying. Because when you let go of that emotion, and cry, you tap into the joy. I think of Hortense often, then I cry and smile. Let go of all those emotions keeping you trapped today. Allow yourself to feel, allow yourself to cry, and Jesus will carry you through to the joy! Cry, cry, and cry some more! Psalms 30:5, "His anger lasts for a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may go on all night, but joy comes in the morning."

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