Tuesday, August 3, 2010

And there she went...

I am every emotion times ten, I conform yet I'm rebellious, always obeying but somehow still an outlaw, always talking but never heard... I am a teenager.---Author Unknown I dropped Kaitlyn off at a friend's house today for a mall outing/sleep over/birthday party. She was pretty excited about spending time with her friend. We drove up in the driveway, and I placed the car in park. I saw that one of the girls were in the garage, waiting for her. I asked her if she wanted me to get down with her, or if she was comfortable with me just dropping her off. She said, "It doesn't matter to me", with a grin that was definitely pleading for me not to get down. So, I responded, "I will just drop you, it looks like they are waiting for you so yah can leave." A look of relief filled her face. She kissed me bye, and I reminded her to text me later, when they arrived at the mall. She grabbed her things from the car, smiled, told me she loved me, and shut the car door. And there she went....

When Kaitlyn was a baby, she didn't have much hair. People made fun of me, when they seen her baby pictures and the hairstyle I used to give her. I would take about 1/4 of her hair and place it in a little tiny ponytail, right smack in the middle, of the top of her head. It sort of resembled a fountain spewing out water in every direction. I thought she looked absolutely adorable! People would mistake her for a boy when her hair was down, even when she was dressed in PINK! (Not sure what they were thinking) So, I had to do something. It took a few years for her hair to thicken up, so even when she began kindergarten...she still had the ponytail on the top of her head. I remember the first day she rode the bus to school. She was so proud following her big sister, with her back pack in tow, and wearing the biggest smile on her face. I thought that she was going to chicken out, turn back around, and run towards me..her little ponytail flapping as she ran. Nope. She climbed on the bus. I was in disbelief until the doors to the bus closed, and the bus began to move. And there she went...

As I watched her walk down the sidewalk towards the front door, I noticed something different about her...everything! Her hair was flowing in the air, while she walked happily up to the door. Her long legs seemed to go on forever, as they carried her petite body. She walked tall, shoulders back, and with confidence. Her physique was lady like...not "girly" like it seemed to be just yesterday. She carried herself in a way that I had never seen before. It was as though she grew into this beautiful young woman in a millisecond...as soon as I blinked my eyes. As she approached the door, I sat in amazement watching her. She was breathtaking. I was in awe. The door opened, her face lit up with a smile that could light up the night's sky. And there she went...

This summer has been a time of growth for Kaitlyn. She is developing into her own. She is finding out who she is and what she wants to be. She is discovering things about herself that she never knew before. I can see her passions wailing up inside her. She is experiencing life through her own eyes, emotions, and struggles. She is finding her strengths and working on her weaknesses. Her physical appearance has changed. She continues to grow taller. She dresses differently. She smells differently. She talks differently. She listens differently. But, as you know how teenagers can be...everyday is not a walk in the park. She is struggling to make herself known to her... and to me. She is at times a pure delight, like a fresh rain. And others, a hail storm within a tornado. Some days we are great friends, and others I am the enemy. I know that it is just the mature her, fighting to climb out of that little girl that once was her. All in all...I would say that she is a pretty fantastic kid. Kaitlyn is a giver. She is creative and loves to make people laugh. I can see her love for God growing within her each day. I am honored to be her mom.

At times I wonder, how we will ever make it through these teenage years together. Although she is the one growing, and struggling, to find herself amongst all the havoc of hormones, emotions, and decisions...I'm the one, who fights the urge to rush in, and rescue her from every pain of growing up. But, I can't. I can only love her and be there for her. Be there to listen to the secrets, the passions, and the worries. I've learned through my older daughter, that advice or a comforting word isn't always what they need...or the answer to a particular dilemna. It's simply listening. It's being there to feel the venting. It's loving her just enough to be there...not saying anything at all. Just loving her. Then there are times that she needs my wisdom. And I pray that she is soaking it all up...or at least a blot here or there. Because I know that one day she will leave our home...to pursue her place in this world. I will stand at the door...watching as she drives away with my heart in her hands, saying to myself, "And there she goes..."

Dear Lord...help me to continue to grow into the mother that Kaitlyn needs me to be. Help me to guide her to the purpose that you have placed in her heart. Bring out the skills of mothering that only you can perfect over time. Show me what it is that each of my children need from me...and help me to accomplish my role as mother in their life. Thank you for giving me the blessing of watching them grow, and the ability to love them. They are a gift! Proverbs 20:11-12, "Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright. The hearing ear and the seeing eye the Lord has made them both." Matthew 19:14, Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

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