Thursday, July 29, 2010

Find the romance.

---Never steal, lie, cheat or drink; If you steal...steal my sorrows. If you lie...lie with me everynight of my life. If you cheat...cheat death so I will never have to live without you. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away. ---line from the movie Hitch starring Wil Smith You can probably ask anyone who knows me, and they will tell you that I am a hopeless romantic. Yes...it's true. I cry on all the "chick flicks". I cry on the Hallmark love story movies. I say,"Awww", as I lose my breath momentarily when I hear those romantic lines in movies. I even cried on The Princess and The Frog, when the two frogs were dancing. (Gotta hand it to Disney, for causing tears to fall while watching two frogs fall in love.) I've even cried on the Kay Jewelers commercials. I know...it's frightening. But, I honestly believe that love conquers all. And I know that to be true, because God has proven it to me in my own life...my own marriage. There was a time, a couple of years ago, that I couldn't even look my husband in the face. My heart had grown hard with bitterness. We had become enemies under the roof we called home. There were times when I would look at him, and I wouldn't even recognize the man standing in front of me, although we had known eachother for almost twenty years. Then I would wonder how I got there in the first place, forgetting all about the love that we once shared. Our lives were spiraling down a roller coaster of pain. Pain that we had caused one another. Pain that I had felt for years, but did not trust him enough with my heart to share it. Where did our love go? I wanted it back. I wanted my friend back. I wanted my husband back. I wanted the desire to hold him back, when all I felt was nervousness when he would even touch my hand. How can love be rebuilt in the midst of such pain? How can I love a man who has caused my heart to grow so many weeds of hatred towards him? How can we rebuild what has obviously been broken for a while now? I pondered. I worried. I doubted. Then...I prayed. We eventually separated. Our children were being subjected to too much fighting, and it was time that one of us took a stand for them. I asked him to leave our home. My worst fear had come true. Here I was, saying goodbye to a marriage of almost seventeen years, with three kids, and a broken heart. We were in marriage counseling at the time of our split. It was the last answer to our problems...or so I thought. I continued to pray. I sought God day and night...for strength and direction. I was alone...or so I thought. You know...when you seek God about something, and you can't see a good outcome in sight, He will take your circumstance and do an entire makeover in your life. That's exactly what He did. We were separated for a few months. He lived at his brother's house in his outdoor kitchen and I lived at our home, which had recently been hit by a hurricane, which caused us to be away from it for about a month and a half. Things were jacked up all the way around. How were we ever going to mend our mess of a marriage and our life? How was God going to fix everything? He just did. I remember our first date. I was nervous. I didn't want him to notice me looking at him, so I would turn away quickly when he would look at me. I wanted to grab his hand, but was afraid it might be too soon. We laughed and laughed, while admiring eachother's smiles. I saw a twinkle in his eyes I had never seen before. He radiated a glow that was mezmorizing. He smelled amazing. My heart was full. I wondered, "Will he kiss me?" My heart raced in anticipation.... You might be thinking that this was our first date twenty years ago, when we were teenagers. Nope! This was our first date a couple of years ago, while we were separated. When God restores...he really restores! Somehow, God pulled a fast one on me. When I wasn't looking, God caused me to fall in love with my husband. And not the same kind of love that I had for him before, but a greater and different kind of love that He intended for me to have for him. It was even better than when we were younger. He didn't give me the my best friend back, He gave me a new one to love deeper. God is the author of romance. He is the creator of love. He is the lover of my soul. He designed the heart so that it can hold the most perfect kind of love inside of it...His love. And when He fills your heart with His love...all the other love just flows right through it. I had closed my heart to my husband, and at the same time, closed it to God's love flowing through it. When I opened it up to God again, He began to heal me from the broken love for my husband. The new love for my husband was able to flow through, like a rushing waterfall.

I hear alot of couples say, "I'm just not in love anymore". Believe me, I get that, because I felt that before. Or, was it that I was tired of putting so much effort forth, and feeling like I wasn't getting enough back? Or, maybe the love was hiding under a mountain of pain, unforgiveness and disbelief. Sometimes it's hard to find those "in love" moments in our busy lives. It's hard to search for something you don't feel is even there anymore. But, those moments are worth looking for. You see...love isn't a feeling...it's a choice. God loved us, so He chose to give His son to die on the cross. Jesus loved His father and us, so He chose to shed His blood on the cross for our sins. Love is a choice. When we choose to love, beyond all that we feel or don't feel...love grows into something that we might not expect. Something wonderful. Something pure. Something worth fighting for.

We went away for the weekend a couple of weeks ago. We didn't do a whole lot. There were moments that we just sat together...in the quiet. No words were needed, no deep conversation on either of our parts...just quiet. Just listening to the soft sounds of one another breathing. That's romance. Romance isn't always found in the big things. The flowers, the candy, the candelit dinners at the most expensive restaurants, the jewelry, and the Valentine's Day cards, are nice..but, that's not where it's at all the time. ( Alot of my women friends are screeching in horror right about now.) It's found in the small everyday moments. It's in the kiss he gives me each time he leaves to go to work. It's in the phone calls in the middle of the day. It's in the cup of coffee he fixes me in the early morning hours. It's in the sitting together watching the Disney channel with our kids. It's in the talking about our work day with one another. It's in getting home, to find out he has already started cooking supper so I don't have to. It's in the picking up our daughter from a late movie, because he doesn't want me out late by myself. It's in showing appreciation and saying "thank you". It's in laughing together. It's in watching him hug on our kids. It's in him bringing me a frappacino, from the store, on his way home. It's in being the first to say, "I'm sorry" after an argument. It's in our childrens eyes, they are the product of our love. It's in the way he holds me as we sleep. It's in him holding my hand as we walk into church. It's in standing next to him as we worship in church. It's in all things...if you just look for it.

I'm in love with my husband. Our lives are filled with God's romance. No matter where you are in your marriage or love relationship today...find a new place to be...a better place. You can't find your full potential in a relationship without God being first. Put God first in your love for your mate. He will guide you to the romance of a lifetime. Thank you God for restoring a love that I thought was lost. Thank you for inspiring me to be a better wife and friend to my husband. You are the author of Love. Frankie...thank you for loving me. Song of Solomon 1:2, "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for thy love is better than wine. "

Song of Solomon 3:4, "It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth, I held him and would not let go,"

I Corinthians 13:4-13 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

**Here are some resources:

Song of Solomon (Holy Bible)

Fireproof the movie and The Love Dare book

The Five Love Languages written by Gary Chapman

Power of a Praying Wife or Husband written by Stormie Omartian

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