Thursday, January 20, 2011

Ready or not.

This past weekend, my family and I went to Lake Charles for our annual, after Christmas, Christmas Family Reunion. It is a tradition that we have been honoring for many years now. I have to admit, it's always the highlight of the New Year. My family and I look forward to it for weeks, and count the days until we are together on our special day. The day is filled with laughter, lots of delicious food, plenty of picture taking and best of all...more hugs and kisses than one human can possibly imagine. It's a ginormous family love fest! We are quite the affectionate family. My dad and step-mom host the occassion each year. And let me just say, that they ROCK at it. My dad is the MC of the day and says our family prayer over our meal each year, leaving many of us wiping tears away when he is finished, including himself. Did I mention that we are a family filled with saps? We are. And yes, my sweet friend (you know who you are) I get it from my father. This year was especially nice, because my oldest daughter may not be able to attend our next gathering. She is leaving after she graduates to attend the Master's Commission program at our church. Depending on what will be going on, with the program around Christmas, determines if she can or can't attend. Our life as we know it, will be changing... For good, and for... not so good. My heart is torn between her need to go and my need for her to stay. It is selfish of me, but my heart hurts at times, to the point where I can't breathe.Needless to say...I'm a complete emotional mess! I am excited to see her move on to the next phase in her life, but at times, I want to shrink myself down, so I can sneak into her suitcase as she leaves. Her leaving...well, it's bittersweet. It makes me smile and get nauseous all at the same time. I have been blessed to have a close relationship with my daughter, but I see her need to leave home, with each passing day. Her eyes scream out for independence, a new adventure, while she enters the next journey of her life. I know that God has prepared her "for such a time as this". I know it deep within my heart. My eyes scream out, for time to stand still...for just... one more day. But, God gently reminds me, that things keep moving, in His time and with His will. I know that, just like with everything else, He will walk me through it. I took this photo on the day of our reunion. Amber is the gorgeous blue eyed girl on the right. She is with her beautiful cousin, Cayla, who is also graduating this year. They are 2 1/2 months apart. The girls were very close growing up. My sister and I spent lots of time together, raising our two little ones, along with her two older daughters. I can still see them bobbling along as two little toddlers. I remember the days of sippycups and potty training. I remember them stealing eachother's pacifiers when I would walk out of the room, and quickly trading back as I walked back in to check on them. Like they had just traded a huge prize with one another. Looking at this picture of the two of them, reminds me of what is to come for the both of them. A new beginning, a new era. era-a period encompassing important dates, events, etc. To say these two girls are extraordinary human beings, would be an understatement. I am so proud of the both of them. Their academic achievements will definitely reward them this coming graduation. And as for their individuality, it goes straight to the bone. I am mostly proud of the young women that they have become and the women that they will be. They have honestly and openly stayed true to their faith in Jesus and it shows in their lives each day. Are they perfect? Nope. But, pretty darn close. (says one proud momma) They are simply...filled with grace. And they know it. As Amber leaves to enter her new era, we will enter a "new era" at home. Things will be different for everyone. My husband looks at things in a totally different way than I do. He says, "It will be fine. Look at it this way, one down, two to go." Are you kidding me? That just makes me cry more. Men...and their emotional constipation! He doesn't know it yet, but he's going to crack...I just know it. Kaitlyn will begin her freshman year of highschool and will be the only girl at home. Needless to say, she is looking forward to it. Her "new era"...having more attention from mom and dad. As for Mason, he has been the only boy and that won't change. His "new era", one less person to fight with over the last Oreos in the house. Yep...things will be different alright. As for me, I'm praying that I can handle my "new era". It's a tough one. Letting go. Never my strong suit. I dreamed the other night, that I was holding a little brown basket, and I couldn't find my eggs. I was panicking, searching everywhere I could think of to find them. I checked outside, running frantically. I looked in my car and in the mailbox. I even checked under my laptop. (Yeh...wierd. I know) I collapsed on the floor crying helplessly, then I awoke. Yep...I'm struggling. (FYI...the eggs were my children!) My mother used to say, "Once a mother, always a mother. They may leave home, but they never leave your heart." Sigh... My new era? Ready or not, here it comes. Isaiah 43:18 Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Ecclesiastes 8:5-6 Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure, for there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a man's misery weighs heavily upon him.

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