Life has been a little crazy, nutty, chaotic, and downright cooky around my house the past week and a half or so. I have a soon to be graduate that just had an appendectomy, is flooded with homework , just took senior pictures, has recently taken a job in the evenings and the reality of life is hitting her square in the kisser. I have a fourteen year old who is studying hard for the LEAP test, which thankfully comes up next week, and she is convinced that the test itself is the devil. She has cried with overwhelming frustration about a dozen times this week alone. Then there is my eight year old, who has decided that school just isn't for him. Nice. He thinks it's better to stay home with dad, since he is working nights and home during the day, than to go to school. That's lovely. It's like pulling teeth trying to get him out of bed and off to school every day. Good times, good times. This school year can't come to a close soon enough for any of us.
in the middle of all the "stuff", trying to balance it all for everyone, and going through something that has had me in sort of a slump.
A deep overwhelming sadness hit me when I least expected it. Through a situation that left me blindsided. Simply blindsided. But, isn't that how the devil works. He sucker punches you when you least expect it. He's such a cheater. And his tactics are so old and worn out. With all that I was trying to deal with emotionally, I was beginning to lose myself. Beginning to feel my joy slip away slowly through my fingers. But... God came looking for me. Him and His ever so faithful self. He gently urged me to go to church on a night that was totally out of my routine. My heart was aching for Him and He knew it. Then again, doesn't He always know. When I got to church, I realized that it was a worship service only. A night of worship. I thought to myself, "Great. When I needed a word from You the most, all I get is worship. I'm drowning here. Hello? I need to hear from You." Oh, me of little faith! All I NEEDED was THAT worship. He ministered to me the way that He knew I would hear Him. Through song. Through my praise. In my spirit. He touched my heart in a way that I could not mistake that it was Him reaching out to me. He spoke through the music and my heart began to melt. The tears began to fall. (shocking...I know) And then He spoke to me... "I have you." With those three small words, it felt like the breath was being taken out of me. A release happened. The flood gates opened. I felt freedom. He had ME. In the midst of all the "stuff"...He had me. have-to possess; own; hold for use; contain, to hold in mind or sight. When I think of how God "has" me, and what that truly means, it reminds me of when my oldest was a little girl. She had a small Barney backpack that she would take with her everywhere. Absolutely everywhere! She also had a popcorn tin filled with McDonald toys, that she would sit and play with for hours at a time. When we would go out and about, she would take her most favorite toys out of the popcorn tin, and place them inside her Barney backpack to take with her. It usually included her Cinderella toy and her Simba from the Lion King. Those two went where ever she did. They were her most prized possessions...at least for a little girl her age. I would put her shoes on her and ask her, "You ready?" She would always answer, "Yep. I HAVE my toys in my back pack. I'm ready!" And she would march to the door, with her backpack close to her body, propped up and secure on her small little back. I picture God...carrying me in His backpack...wheverever He goes! Where ever He is! That's how He has me...CLOSE TO HIM. Propped up and secure! He owns me. He possesses me. (I'm one of His most prized possessions.) He holds me for His use. He contains me. He holds me in His mind and in His sight always. That's all I needed to hear that night. I know He has me...everything else is just stuff. He has ME...and that's enough. "I have you"...He said. To be had...what a gift!
Isaiah 40:11 He tends to His flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads them.
Hebrews 13:5 Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.