Monday, April 16, 2012

Do it afraid.

Psalm 135:1-7

Praise the LORD.
Praise the name of the LORD;
praise him, you servants of the LORD,
you who minister in the house of the LORD,
  in the courts of the house of our God.

  Praise the LORD, for the LORD is good;
sing praise to his name, for that is pleasant.
For the LORD has chosen Jacob to be his own,
Israel to be his treasured possession.

 I know that the LORD is great,
that our Lord is greater than all gods.
The LORD does whatever pleases him,
in the heavens and on the earth,
  in the seas and all their depths.
He makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth;
he sends lightning with the rain
and brings out the wind from his storehouses.

I've been pregnant for over a year.

Now before you go gasping and freaking out on me, let me explain.

I'm not with child in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense.

The thing is, like the television series...

I didn't know I was pregnant!!

I've been having a reocurring dream over the past year that I was pregnant.

In my dream, this baby was big...huge!

I gained 70 pounds for my first child.
 I was far from a tiny cute pregnant woman with a volleyball sized belly.

I was much more like Shamoo the whale...but more bloated.

In my dreams of being pregnant...I was even bigger than that!!

I remember about six months ago, when our lives were changing all around us, I received a call from my sister.

She told me that she had a dream that I was pregnant.
She explained how in the dream I was covering my belly with a blanket.

I giggled and asked if I was embarassed and maybe trying to hide the pregnancy.

She began to explain that God had revealed to her what the blanket was about.

It was His covering.
As long as I covered my pregnancy under that blanket, then it was safe from harm.

She told me in urgency...
"Don't come out from underneath Him.  Stay as close to Him as you can.  You are going to birth something huge and He will keep you protected as long as you stay underneath His covering."

She had no idea at the time, that I had been dreaming that I was pregnant.

I told her what I had been dreaming about, and we both cried and praised God together for His revelation.

I must admit,
 I was a little afraid at the time...
not knowing just what I would be giving birth to.

What was all of this about?

I continued to dream.

I continued to be pregnant in those dreams.

Then, a few weeks ago, the labor pains began.

I wrote my testimony on my blog.

It was something God had been placing on my heart to do for a while.
I struggled with it.
It was painful and hard, but I knew it was time to write it during this season of my life.
He showed me very loudly that I needed to share it.

God has done great things since I wrote that blog.
He has begun to plant an urgency in my heart to share it over and over again.

One week after I wrote it,
I began to dream that I was holding a baby in my arms.
I've dreamed it several times over the past few weeks.
I've never seen the baby's face, because the baby has always been wrapped tightly in a blanket.

Fear returned.
I began to question God.

What's going on?
 What's happening? 
 I'm not sure I'm ready for what is about to happen Lord.
What if I mess up because I don't know what I'm doing?
Are you sure?

I attended our annual Joie de Vivre women's conference at our church this past weekend.
I prayed during the worship service before the speaker began.
I knew what God was placing on my heart, and I asked Him to reveal Himself to me during the message.

I pleaded with Him...
"Speak to my heart Lord.  Remove all doubt from my mind and give me a revelation that this is from You. Speak to me audibly if You have to."

We had the privilige of hearing Charlotte Gambill preach a powerful message.

Her message was about the six women who were involved with the early life of Moses.

The message was titled, "Push".

She explained how these six women, the midwives, the mothers, the sister, the delivererers to the deliverer...

were gathered together in time to birth something God had placed within Moses' mother.

He had a plan to deliver His people,
and all six of them played a part in that delivery.

She explained the difficulty and fear of birth,
and the encouragement those women brought to bring forth the plan of God.

Needless to say,
I was a complete mess!!

It's a good thing that I sat in the very last row of the auditorium,
because I may have been removed from the room otherwise.

My heart was heavy and full and excited and fearful all at the same time.
I was reminded of the women God had placed in my life just a few short months before, that had encouraged me just a few days before the conference to share my story.

We had gathered for lunch one day.
I told them that some friends of ours had invited me and my family to share my story at their church.
I expressed my fear and reservation to them.
They rallied around me with their love and encouragement, pushing me to move forward into the next season God had prepared for me.

One of them spoke sweetly to me, but with urgency,

"Just do it.  Do it scared and each time will be easier."

As I sat in that back row, eyes flowing with tears, doubtful fear reentered my mind.

I cried to the Lord quietly in my seat,
"I know this is what You want.  I know this is You speaking to me. It's been You all along.  These dreams were You...all You.  But, I'm afraid God.  How do I do this if I am afraid?"

The next words she spoke would awaken my spirit...

"Do it afraid.  Things don't work according to our limitations, but His ability."

John 10:27
My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow me.

Pregnancy can be uncomfortable, and even scarey sometimes.
The delivery can be filled with some very painful moments.
But the delivery always brings forth LIFE.
And most of the time, that LIFE comes out screaming and crying,
but it's still LIFE!
God breathed LIFE.
And after all of the crying is done, and you hold that life in your arms...
the sweet aroma of that birth tickles your nose,
and He has you right where He wants you.

You are in His love embrace!

Then you realize it was all worth it...each pain, each tear that fell, all the fear, each agonizing push!

Because you are left,
holding LIFE in your hands!

Pure sweet life!

He is that life!!

And for that reason...

I will do it afraid.

Phillippians 4:13
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

I sat nestled in my recliner early this morning with a warm cup of coffee in hand.

I smiled as I relived the past few days and the words God had spoken into my life.

Oh the sweetness He brings to me in His covering!

I opened my laptop and read a blog I read a few times a week.

He used her words to speak life to me once again...

So I’m asking and trusting Him for the courage to do it afraid, to seek the healing in the heartache, to show me parts of myself I’ve lost, and to reveal parts of Himself I’ve never seen.
~~Alece Ronzino
What is God urging you to do today?
I encourage do it afraid.
Allow God to bring forth His life in you!!


  1. Tammy, this is a fantastic post! I am so excited to see all that God is doing in your life. I cannot wait to see where He leads you. Just remember, I will always be there to push you!

    1. Thank you my precious friend!! That means the world to me!! I too am there for you...PUUSSSHHHH!! :) Love ya!!


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