Friday, March 26, 2010

What are you waiting for?

I was in my late twenties when my mother passed away. It had been over a year since I had seen or spoken to her. Unspoken words of anger had tormented my soul for a very long time. As I entered her hospital room my heart raced. Thoughts of what I would say or do when I saw her clouded my mind. What would she say? Should I say I'm sorry? Should I wait until she says she's sorry? It had been so long since we had looked upon each other's faces. How would I react? How would she react? I opened the door and approached the bed where she was laying Her body was weak and she was breathing through an oxygen mask. My heart sank. She couldn't speak. I reached my arm out to grab her hand. For several seconds, we just stared into each other's eyes. All the guilt and anger, from the past years, wasn't in the room with us. It was just me and her. I don't know how to explain it, but somehow, we apologized to one another by just looking into each other's eyes. That was it..no words needed to be said. We both knew what our hearts were saying. We both receieved what we had been waiting to get from eachother for a long time. I wonder sometimes why I waited. Why did I wait and not go see her? Why did I wait for her to make the first move towards me? Why? Although the last few moments with her were bitter sweet, I still found myself feeling a heaviness of guilt for weeks after she had gone. It's hard to go back and fix something with someone when they aren't there anymore. Why do we wait? Some things in life are worth waiting for, and some aren't. Waiting for nine months for a beautiful new baby is worth the wait. Waiting for that engagement ring from the love of your life is worth the wait. Waiting for that bonus at the end of the year, that you have worked so hard for, is worth the wait. Waiting for the thirteen years of school, to stand with your classmates and receive a diploma, is worth the wait. On the other hand, some waiting is just wasting time. Why do we wait to visit family and then our next reunion is overlooking them in a casket? Why do we wait to tell someone that we love them and then their heart is stolen by someone else? Why do we wait to play outside with our kids until after the mopping is done? Why do we wait to say I'm sorry until the other person has already said it? Why do we wait to smell the flowers until the frost is forming on the ground? Why do we wait to feel the sunshine on our face until it's beginning to rain? Why do we wait to go on a "date night" with our spouse and wonder why they are drifting away from us? Why do we wait to go on that needed vacation until the mortgage is paid off? Why do wait to see our family at a wedding once a year and then promise we will visit soon...and don't? Why do we wait to go to church next Sunday and our seat in the pew remains empty? Why do we wait to talk to that one friend about Jesus until "the right time" comes along..and never do? Why do we wait to take that step closer to God when we know we may not have tomorrow? Why are we letting our lives and those that are in it just pass us by? God has breathed life into each one of us to LIVE! That is a gift! Our waiting prevents us from living out that gift. Do you know that it takes more mental effort to wait than it does to move forward? When we move forward and live our lives with and through other people, we are giving God praise for giving us life! Don't wait until it's too late. So...what are you waiting for? Acts 17:28, "for in HIM we live and move and have our being." Galatians 2:20, "I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

1 comment:

  1. AS YOU KNOW AS A MOTHER YOURSELF,THERE IS NEVER A NEED TO SAY YOUR SORRY....YOU LOVE YOUR CHILD UNCONDITIONALLY AND WITHOUT FAULT AS MOMMA LOVED YOU...YOU WERE HER BABY, TAMMY AND THOUGH YA'LL HADN'T TALKED FOR A WHILE HER LOVE FOR YOU NEVER WAVERED...SHE WAS VERY PROUD OF THE WOMAN AND MOTHER THAT YOU HAD BECOME.I KNOW BECAUSE I WAS WITH HER.AND NOW YEARS LATER YOUR CHRISTIAN WALK IS A TESTIMONY TO THE MEMORY OF WHAT A GREAT EXAMPLE MOMMA WAS TO US ALL.IN CHRIST JESUS THERE IS ONLY PERFECT LOVE!!!!

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