Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Into His Hands

I believe that motherhood is one of the most rewarding jobs in life. It is amazing to me how one heart can hold so much love inside of it. Motherhood has definitely shown me that. I remember thinking as I was pregnant with my second child, "Will my heart have enough love for both of my children?" But the fact is, my heart didn't have to split the love that was already in it, amongst my children. The love that was in my heart only multiplied as I had all of them. Now that's amazing! Along with motherhood being the most rewarding thing in life, it can also be the most challenging. I don't remember any of the pregnancy or baby magazines writing about the "letting go" part of rearing children. This is a place that I have reached numerous times during my years as a mother and I can honestly say that it doesn't get any easier. I remember times that I had to let go of my children that left my heart aching. The day that they each started kindergarten was a doozy. Watching them take the hand of their teacher, wave their tiny hand goodbye to me, and walk away to their class, is something that will forever be in my memory. Or the times that they slept over with a friend and somehow managed to stay the whole night without calling home. Or when, my now seven year old said, when he was attempting to put his shoes on for the first time by himself, "No mommy, I don't need your help. I can do it all by myself." Oh! I can still feel the dagger going into my heart! A few months ago I dropped my, soon to be thirteen year old, off at the theater to watch a movie with her friends...without me. I cried the entire drive back home. Or recently, having to deal with my oldest approaching her senior year of highschool and planning to leave home to pursue her dreams. Oh! My heart aches! Even as I write this, I look through tear filled eyes just thinking about it. How will I ever make it? How will they make it without me? How will my heart handle such heartache? I'll tell you how...God. God is the only thing that has and will help me. His comfort for me is endless. I have come to realize that HE is the only thing that will prevent my heart from breaking. I have also come to realize through the years that I can't protect their hearts all the time, but God can. I trust HIM with mine, why wouldn't I trust HIM with theirs? The fact is, I will have to let go of all of them eventually. They will all have dreams and goals to pursue that don't involve me. But, I have faith in knowing that God will be with them. I have joy in knowing that I can share in the new journeys that God has set for them, even if they are at home with me or away at college. They will forever be in my heart, just like I am in God's heart. I have to trust fully in HIM and HIS plan for their life. Just like all of the other situations that come up, I must let go and let God! I have to have faith in knowing that HE will always keep them in HIS hands. So, when I look at it from that point of view, I can only get excited about what is in store for them. I am happy to let them go out of my hands and into God's hands! No matter if it's letting them put their shoes on for the first time without you, or helping them pack their clothes for them to leave home, find comfort in knowing that you are letting go to let God! Psalm 144:2, "He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge," Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

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