Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Round two...trust.

Hebrews 13:5, For God has said, "I will never fail you, I will never abandon you." Well folks...round two has begun. A few weeks ago, I posted a blog about my poor little kitty cat, Sambeaux. (He is cajun...and not very little, at 17 pounds) He was having some urinary issues and I was giving him injections of antibiotics every day. Good news..he got better. Bad news...he started peeing everywhere again. The kids were mortified once again. Time for more shots! The vet seems to think, that he was not on the antibiotics long enough, so here we go again. I don't mind giving him the injections. I got pretty good at it. Even though, it had become like an olympic event, running after him and striking when he least expected it. Poor Sambeaux, he spent those days terrified of me. It only took a couple of shots, for him to tag me as "the big bad wolf with the needle behind her back". He hissed at me everytime he saw me. Even if, I was just walking in the same room as him...he would hiss and run away from me. Good thing I am a pretty easy going person, or that might have offended me. After the shots were completed after a week or so, he still hissed at me. One time, I attempted to pet him, and he growled a growl from his belly. He sounded a little like the "exorcist", so I decided it was best to leave him alone. (I was a little scared) It took about a week after that, for him to warm up to trust me again. We were then, back to our same routine, with him trying to smother me as I lay asleep. (I'm allergic to cats..remember?) Good times, good times. But...I am afraid our "lovey dovey" stage has come to a screeching hault! I gave him his first injection tonight, from the new round of antibiotics. I snuck up behind him, jabbed it in his thigh, and he ran off. I later, walked into my office, where he was hiding next to his litter box. I walked towards him and said, "Hey Sam..i'm sorry little..." and before I could get the next word out, he hissed at me, gave me a look that said "back off", and ran out the room. The trust is gone. Again. Trust-confidence or faith in a person or thing, care or charge, to believe, to expect, to entrust I tell my kids all the time, that trust is freely given, easily lost, and hard to earn back. Meaning, I give it freely to them, but they can easily lose it, and when they do, it will take them double the time to earn it back. Trust is something that can be hard to give away. Trust is something sacred. It is giving all you are to someone else. Trust is a gift that you give to another person. Trust shows honor to that person who is receiving it. My trust was broken a couple of years ago. My heart broke along with it. I felt empty and alone. I thought that person was undeserving of what I had to offer them. I held back my trust to cause them pain...and it did. When trust is broken, fear is born, doubt begins to grow...walls start to rise. I believe that too many times, we put our trust in man, when they are not prepared to hold it for us. We are quick to point the blame towards them, when all the while, we are the ones that handed it to them. I placed my feelings in someone else's hands, and trusted that they knew what to do with them. I was disapointed. I lost my trust. Although, I knew where it was all along. It was in the hands of the person I handed it to. I've come to realize, that my complete trust should lie in the hands of only one...God. I'm not saying that I do not trust anyone, because I do. I'm not saying that you shouldn't trust anyone, because you should. The one who once broke my trust, has fully earned it back. I have given the gift of trust again. I feel safe and secure. I feel taken care of. But, the trust I give is different now. It is the trust that I have found in my Father. It took me a while to find healing, when my trust was broken, but I eventually found it. I found it in trusting God. You can't fully trust man, until you trust your relationship with Jesus. I lost out on a relationship once, because that person lost my trust when I gave it to them. I was hurt...and it lingered like a parasite, eating me from the inside out. I missed out on the goodness I could have received from them, because I felt betrayed. They are gone now. No more second chances. I should have trusted God then. I should have trusted that He would go before me. I should have trusted that He would protect me, keep me safe, take care of me, and hold my hand as I walk. I didn't. When we fully put our trust in God...He is sure to make a way through the darkness. He is sure to make the path smoothe, not rugged, where we may fall. He is sure to hold us up, when our weaknesses overwhelm us. God is trust. When we put our trust in God, we are never disappointed. When I say, "Here Lord, have all of me," I know He will care for me...all of me. I trust now. I am free of the hurt. I trust the way God wants me to. I am His...He is mine. I want to teach my children how to trust, by fully trusting in God. I want to set the example of trust and how easily it is placed into God's hands. I want to show them, that is where their safety and freedom is found. I want them to expect greatness from God, in their lives, because they put their trust in Him. It's amazing how, when you allow yourself to walk into the door of freedom from hurt and brokenness, you can look back through the glass, and see how easy it was. And wonder, why it took you so long to get there. The best part of all, fear is gone. Vanished! Keep walking towards your freedom. Walk into God's trust and find the freedom you are looking for. Give God the gift of trust in your life. Expect Him to do great things with it. Honor him! I Chronicles 5:20, "He answered their prayers because they trusted in Him." Proverbs 3:5&6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths."

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