Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Confessions of a WOOHM.

I don't usually use my blogs to vent out my frustrations, okay maybe once in a while. But, today is one of those days that I gotta just let it all out... I MISS BEING A SAHM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know...back in the day...when I was a SAHM, they didn't call it that. Wow...has it been that long? They actually called it a Stay at Home Mom. Yep...no initials. Crazy... I know. They used the real words. It's funny because when I started the whole blog thing months ago, I would see SAHM posted different places, and I had no idea what it was. None! I thought it was abbreviations for a medical term or something...horrible, I know. I haven't always been the brightest crayon in the box. But...now I know...and I am sorry for the mistake. I truly apologize for being so stupid...cuz I was. I was a SAHM for many years. I loved being a SAHM. Now...I'm a WOOHM. Work out of Home Mom. Yep...that's me. I don't know if that's the right abbreviation for it, or even if there is one, but this is my blog so I just made it up. Like it? I miss being at home with my kids...even though all of them are in school now. I really do miss it. I contemplate, every now and then, about pulling them out of school and homeschooling them. I dream of soaking up as much of them as I can all day long. But then, I fear the ending of that scenario. One of us might not make it out alive! (LOL) Plus...my oldest is a senior now and she would just flat out disown me, if I were to tear her away from her familiar surroundings at this point. There really is no point in that. I miss the comfort of my own home these days. Sounds a little pathetic doesn't it. I normally get off about three or so every day, to be able to pick my son up from school. But, by the time I run errands and pick the girls up from their afterschool activities...it's near five o'clock or five thirty before my key hits the doorknob. Then...it's "SuperMom" to the rescue, trying to get homework done, supper cooked, clean clothes for the kids and the hubby to wear the next day, mop the floors, baths taken, feed the pets, and somehow squeeze some TLC time in with each one in the house. Which may or may not mean that I get that long hot bath, I had been dreaming about during work that day. Sleep or bath? That's usually my dilemna...sleep usually wins every time. (And no, I do not stink!) When, and if, I get that long bath I so much need and desire...I lay, soak and dream... I dream about being a WAHM. That's right...more abbreviations. (Work at Home Mom) You see...if I were a WAHM I could have the entire package. Work at home writing lots of great books! Which would bring in money...eventually...okay hopefully. And best of all...be at home with my kids if I decided to homeschool them, or just be there with everything done by the time they get home. Standing at the door, a pan full of warm freshly baked cookies in my hand, and wearing a Martha Stewart smile on my face. Aaaahhhh! I soak and dream.... But, for now...I am a WOOHM. I can't imagine why, but God has me in this particular place, for this particular time, for some particular reason. (Could I get a hint of reason please!) I've been praying for a change lately, (okay more like a vacation!) asking God to give me a break from work. Some time to sit, and exhale for a moment, breathing in my family who I miss so much these days. I'm finding out how humorous God can be, because lately I have had to work MORE and stay LATER...thanks...real funny. And believe me...He understands my frustration...He knows all this...we've already had this talk. I rant...throw a tantrum...and He listens. Then, He comforts me like only He can. He is such a patient and graceful God. He loves me sooooo much! (He really does) My pastor spoke this past weekend about the difference between Fear and Faith. I fear that I will have to work for the rest of my life and possibly miss out on some really great moments with my kids. I should have faith that God is working on my "problem" when I am busy dreaming of a solution. He is the solution. He is the fixer of my problem. My pastor also said that there is a reason why God says "no" sometimes. It's to protect us from ourselves. He is my protector. For now...I understand. It is what it is. The I AM knows exactly where I am. My understanding isn't always overflowing with faith, but it's there. Sometimes it's just me waving the white flag of defeat and saying, "Okay God...if you want me to, I will. Your will in exchange for mine." He always knows what's best for me, even when I am too drained to give Him my best. Sometimes...He just needs a "Yes" instead of a "Why". Today...I am a WOOHM. Today I say "yes" to His will. Today...I stand faithful of where He is taking me, not fearful of where I will end up. Today...I ask to be used where I am.... exactly where He has me. Tomorrow...I bathe(hopefully)...and dream again.
Psalm 61:1-5
Hear my cry, O God,
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your winds.
For you, God, have heard my vows;
you have given me the heritage of
those who fear your name.

1 comment:

  1. Okay, I am a home schooling SAHM and, I'm sorry, I never have the time- uh, make that, energy to stand there with a plate of warm, fresh baked cookies! Kids can be cruel. They can be evil. They can suck the life out of you. I'm just saying!
    Oh, you should probably go check out my blog for today now. http://calverettechronicles.blogspot.com/2010/11/theres-no-place-like-home.html

    I really do love my kids, and I love my life! Sorry that you have to WOTH. One day, my friend. One day! Love you!

    ReplyDelete

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