Sunday, March 27, 2011

I'll go.

Baseball season is here. We always look forward to this time of year. We love to be outdoors, and we love how the game brings our family together several times a week. I also love the fact that it gives me great blog material. (smiley face) Mason has been anxiously awaiting the season. He loves, loves, loves baseball! He came home a week or so ago, complaining that all his friends had begun baseball practice, and here we were not getting a call about whose team he was even on yet. The tears began to fall. He felt like they had forgotten about him. After several days seeing him come home upset and crying, I decided to make a phone call. Within a day or two, we got the call about what team he was on. It was time to PLAY BALL! He was excited and about to jump out of his skin! We arrived at the ball park and found the team he was to play with. They had already been practicing about a week before, so he had to meet the team as the new guy. I got out of my truck and placed my folding chair on the ground. Mason had rode with his Mimi to the ballpark. I turned around to see where Mason was, and I could see that his Mimi had his door open, but he was not moving. The look on his face said it all. I walked up to the truck and his arms were folded over his chest. His little red lip was pouting profusely. "Let's go Son", I said. "No. I don't want to play" he responded. "What? You don't want to play?" I asked him. "No! I want to go home now." He said with his eyes tearing up. He was filled with fear. Paralyzed by it. Too shy to get out of the truck. I immediately began to relive the previous week and remember every tear that had fallen due to the fact that he thought he had been forgotten and wanted to play ball so badly. With a couple of minutes of persuading, he eventually came out of the truck...with red teary eyes and his feet dragging the ground. We walked towards the field and he began to slow down. I stopped, unzipped his bag and handed him his glove. He shoved the glove back in the bag saying with a growl, "I'm not going." "Yes you are." I said handing the glove back to him. "No! I'm not going!" He said once again pushing the glove in the bag. "Yes! You! Are!" I said gritting my teeth. "Now, take this glove...and go!" "Okay, Okay. I'll go." He said holding onto the glove. With those words, he walked towards the field, pouting the entire way. Oi vay... I took my seat near the field. It wasn't a minute later, when the coach came and introduced himself to Mason and he smiled a big smile. He enjoyed the rest of the practice and made some friends before the night was over. Smiles filled his face all the way out to his ears. He was very glad that he had decided to get out of the truck and go to practice. We are looking forward to a great season. Oh, how I feel like that little boy sitting in the back seat of that truck sometimes... How many times have I missed out on things, because my fear catches me paralyzed and leaves me scared and teary eyed. Then doubt sets in and I think that maybe, possibly, God has forgotten about me. I would pray that God would rescue me from a certain situation and was looking forward to my place of victory...ya know, once He got me out of the place I was in. But, I never really listened to see how He wanted to get me out. The real problem was...I was afraid to go. Afraid to go forward into where He wanted me. There was a certain path He was asking me to take to get there and I fought Him the whole way there. The. Whole. Way. Then I would complain that He hadn't gotten me there yet. He hadn't rescued me from my situation. It was just me being fearful and not wanting to take the steps to get there. He urged me, "You're going." "No I'm not." I replied. "Yes you are!" He would say. "No. I'm. Not." I replied firmly. "Yes. You. Are." He said lovingly. "Okay, Okay. I'll go." I responded. Then...I would go. Sometimes pouting. Sometimes crying. Sometimes mad. And ya know what was waiting for me on the other side? Victory. Victory! Laughter! Joy that caused smiles to my face all the way out to my ears! I'm in that place right now...and my face is beginning to hurt from smiling so much. But...I'll take it, and I'll stay long as He wants me to. And just like Mason...I'm glad I said, "I'll go." Proverbs 29:25 The fear of human opinion disables, trusting in God protects you from that. John 8:12 I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness but have the light of life. Exodus 14:13 Moses answered, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring today." Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here I am. Send me!"

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