Tuesday, December 13, 2011

My year of Being Still.

Revelation 5:5
Then one of the elders said to me, "Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals."

At the beginning of the year, I was challenged by a friend to Name my Year.

I was to name my year something that I wanted to see come to pass in my life, something I needed to declare for myself.

Now, I've been challenged to write about my year and explain how naming it has, or hasn't, made a difference, and if I allowed the name of my year to take life within my heart.

I named my year,

The year of...

Being Still

(You may click the link above to read the blog on naming my year)

I prayed a quiet prayer and asked God to help me to be still.
 To sit in the moments that come and go, and NOT try so hard to "do", or to "fix" things.

I prayed that I not miss Him,
in the little things.
Those things that kept me so busy that I didn't take time to notice Him.

I prayed that my spirit would find Him in all things,
that I would let Him take full reign in my heart and in my worry.

I prayed for the ability to be still in Him.

The faith to be still in those moments in which I can't see.

The faith to trust without seeing the next moment ahead.


Blind faith in the stillness.

I sat. 
Still.  Watching. Waiting.

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

In February,
He spoke one word to me,


That was all.
It resonated within me.
I marinated on it, day and night.
I went round and round, trying to figure out the meaning of this word and what He was asking of me.

Again...not being very still.

Trying to work things out on my own.

I thought, if I could only crack open the puzzle that is "Move", I will surely know what to do, how to fix,  how to piddle, how to conquer.
Then maybe, I will see what He wants me to see.

I thought, in my smarty pants mind, that I had figured it all out.
I thought He meant move in the physical sense for a long while.

He was moving our lives physically, so I just assumed that I had found the answer.

Again...not being very still.

I see now, after an entire year has passed,
that He simply wanted me to move out of His way.

To move...only to be still.

It was His way of gently nudging me aside, so that He could stand broad shouldered, in His majesty in front of me, so that I could finally fully see Him.

It was as if He whispered,

"Move aside a bit, so you can see Me closely.  So you can see Me in all of My Glory."

See Him, in all of His goodness.

See Him, in all things.
In everything.

For me to be still, and watch Him move.

To. See. Him.

This year proved to be a year of Being Still,
 and watching my Father take the mess, that was our lives, and turn it into something beautiful.

Throughout the year,

I watched in the stillness, as my husband and I both became jobless within one month of each other.

I watched in the stillness, as we lost our house and had to uproot our family into a much smaller house.

I watched in the stillness, as we sold half of our life, to fit inside that much smaller house.

I watched in the stillness, as we all cried trying to adjust to our new life.

I watched  in the stillness, as we struggled with the idea of homeschooling our kids.

I watched in the stillness, as my heart broke moving my first born off to college.

I watched in the stillness, as we struggled financially.

I watched in the stillness, as my husband had a stroke.

I watched in the stillness, as my husband, once again, became unemployed due to his stroke.

I watched in the stillness, as we had no income coming into our home.

I watched in the stillness, on trembling legs, as it felt as though walls were crashing down all around us.

I watched and waited, in the stillness of it all.

Knowing, that He was in control.

Not always understanding,
but knowing Him.

Psalm 46:10
Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world."

In the last few months,

I've seen...my husband flourish in a new job.

I've seen...our smaller house become a peaceful home.

I've seen...our children laughing and playing and enjoying their new life.

I've seen...my children learning and growing confident as we homeschool.

I've seen... my oldest happy and flourishing as she grows in the Lord and discipleship at college.

I've seen...God provide for us according to His riches and Glory.

I've seen...my husband hand his heart and life over to God, being completely transformed and filled with Life flowing peace.

I've seen...God continue to heal his body to full restoration and strength.

I've seen... God provide all of our needs, and even some of our wants.

I've seen...as God strengthened our legs to stand firmly in Him, while He has continued to rebuild our lives within the rubble of those fallen walls.

I've seen...mercy and grace fall on us as a cleansing rain.

I've seen... Him take us, and rearrange our lives and our hearts to fulfill His perfect will in us.

I've seen... our mess become a message.

I've seen...deliverance.

I've seen...the hand of God.

I. Have. Seen.

I've seen Him move on my behalf.

In being still...I have seen the Lion of Judah.

John 1:14
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

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