Parenting 10what?

In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck--and, of course, courage. ---Bill Cosby Parenting. One of THE best decisions I have ever made was to be a Mom. It's the greatest gift. I've loved every minute of it. It's brought out the best in me, and sometimes the worst. Some moments I'm whole heartedly proud of...some, not so much. I've been struggling lately with a few things in the "parenting" subject. I'll spare you the details at this time, due to the fact that I am still dealing, searching and praying for a solution. Pray for me. I guess you can say, that for most of my parenting years, I've sort of been wingin' it. I wasn't left with much of a manual from my parents. Things were pretty wacked out for me as a child. And as for my husband...his was worse. But, then again...our parents' childhoods weren't either. It's a generational mess...that we have decided to break. God has brought restoration! Through the Grace of God...we've both come a loooooong way. A long way! Due to the different issues I dealt with growing up, I kind of feel like in stead of a guideline of sorts, I was left with an empty chalkboard. Empty. I'm not sure if they even left me the chalk. Maybe the little broken pieces lying in some chalky powder...but, that's about it. I've had to draw mainly from my inner strength, My Savior, to have made it as far as I have. God is my strength and my source of direction. He is my everything. I have had many people along the way be my role models, of course, so I do my best to draw wisdom from them. I am thankful for each of them. Very! But, all in all...it's been me, my husband, and God...versus...THEM. You know THEM. You probably have some of THEM too. THEM...are my kids. They make me stand still sometimes, in a dumbfounded trance, scratching my head in confusion, wondering "What just happened?", "What in the world do I do next?" , or better yet, just plain "WHAT?" But, on the other hand, they've filled my heart and life with surprising amazement, which leaves me standing in awe of God and the gift of their lives saying "Holy Holy Holy are you Lord for giving me these gifts." Yeh...It's crazy confusing at times. I've felt more joy than I could have ever imagined fill my heart... and I have fallen to sleep crying over a broken one. This would all be really easy if I could just repeat all the things I did with my first child, and just keep going until I am done, but that's clearly not the case. God decided to throw in a nice little curve ball and create every one of my kids completely different. So...I can't just look back on my "Memoir of child #1" and repeat the process. They are different. Completely. Did I say that already? Yep...I did. I want to make sure the emphasis is on the word COMPLETELY! Got it? Okay...let's move on. They are as different as Summer, Fall, and Winter. Each season is different, but uniquely special in it's own way. That explains them. Perfectly. God did it His way...and I can't argue with perfection. There were these plans that I had before starting the journey of parenting. I was determined to stick with THE PLAN. I was going to get it "right" even if it killed me. Then...they began to grow up. And as they grew, things changed...quickly! My need to get it all right, turned into...I just want to get them fed, bathed, teeth brushed (on most days) clothed, vaccinated, hair combed (ok, maybe not every day) and squeeze in a little love before the day is out and I don't kill somebody! The phrase: "No wonder some animals eat their young", took on a whole new meaning. Literally. I had other plans too: I was NOT going to be a screamer. I was. I did. I DO. I was NOT going to ever put my kids to bed without a bath. I did. Hey...on days that we never went outside to play...I made an exception. Baby wipes were the greatest invention evvaahh!! They have many uses. (smiley face) I was ALWAYS going to cook my kids a nice hot homemade meal for supper. Does eating a bowl of cereal at the bar in the kitchen next to the oven count? Their favorite night of the week is now "Whatever Night"...meaning eat whatever cuz' mommas too exhausted to cook even macaroni and cheese. I was NOT going to ever back down from a punishment. Nope. Not. Ever.---Ha! I'm weaker than I expected. Ya know...some punishments punish me too...and that's hard. I was NOT going to be a spastic mother and do cooky things. Yeh. I thought I had a Type A personality, sweet, kind, easy going....if you'd ask my girls...they would say I had a Type C personality...for CRAZY. My worry is if it is the "good crazy" or the "bad crazy". There is a difference ya know. I do my best to stay above water most of the time, but sometimes I feel like I am sinking in the titanic or floating out in the big blue with only a tiny little life vest, that only has one side blown up cuz' the other side has a huge hole in it! It's all this teenage business that has me in such a pickle.

And heavens to betsy...what's with all the hormones?!

Seriously. Was I like that too?

I'm a girl so I honestly do my best to relate. I do.

But it's...

"I love you."

"I like you."

"I don't like you right now."

"Your so annoying."

"I hate my life!"

"This is cool."

"This is lame."

"That was sooo much fun!"

"Ugghh. I'm so bored."

"I want to talk."

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

"I want to share every little detail of all the 12 Lauren's that I know." (which is quite hard to keep up with, I might add.)

"Why are you all up in my business?"

"Mom, I need your help."

"I can do it on my own Mom!"

Crying.

Screaming.

Frustration.

Ignoring.

Giggling.

Rolling eyes.

Talking back.

Geez.

It's like a roller coaster ride taking me up and down and all around. And when it stops, even though I have that small sick feeling at the pit of my stomach...I want to get back on...and do it again!

And again.

And again.

Parenting.

One of life's biggest gifts...and the eighth wonder of the world.

How does God do it?

One day at a time I guess...one day at at time.

Lord Jesus...guide me today. Help me to lead my children into their purpose in You. Give me strength, patience and courage in my areas of weakness. Help me to remember to apply love where I am quick to apply frustration. Help me to have an open ear, an open mind and an open heart to truly hear the needs of my children's hearts. Help me to speak softly without harm, disciplining with love. Give me Your wisdom where I need it the most.

Ecclesiastes 7:25 I directed my mind to know, to investigate and to seek wisdom and an explanation, and to know the evil of folly, and the foolishness of madness.

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us rip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us RUN WITH ENDURANCE the race God has set before us.

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow, will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of it's own.