Beauty in the silence.

Exodus 14:14 (The MSG)
God will fight the battle for you.
And you?
You keep your mouths shut!

It's been an eventful few weeks since the last time I've blogged.

Our house has been all-a-buzz with activity after activity.

Our oldest graduated from her first year of Master's Commission.

Wowzer! 

It amazes me how fast time flies by.

It seems like only yesterday that we moved her out of our house and into her new apartment, and I spent the following two weeks crying like a big ole' sissy.

We are so very proud of her accomplishments this past year!!

She continues to grow into an amazing young woman with a heart to serve God.

Our two youngest have been busy trying to put an end to our first year of homeschooling,

 and I am happy to say that we are rounding the finish line as we speak!

Not to mention,

that we ALL survived our first year and we actually still like one another.

Can I get an AMEN?!!

My two youngest and I just finished an entire week of kid's camp.

Camp Courageous to be exact.

The coolest kid's camp in Louisiana!!

It was my daughter and I's first time working the camp, her as a junior leader and myself in the kitchen serving up a ginormous amount of food to over 400 hungry campers.

By the fourth day...

I couldn't feel my feet.

I just had to trust that they were still there holding me up.

It was a huge blessing for me to be able to watch my 15 year old serve in ministry.

Whether my children become nurses, lawyers or whatever they decide to do,

I pray that they have a heart to serve the Lord!

This past weekend was Father's Day.

It was the kids' and I's time to show their Dad how important of a role he plays within our family.
How much we love and appreciate all that he does for us.

We attended an amazing church service that morning.

Our oldest daughter surprised her Dad by cooking Father's Day dinner for him.

He was one proud poppa!

And I must say,

she did an exceptional job!

She cooked a fajita casserole! It was Yummy!

With all of the activities lately,

it has given us the opportunity to spend alot of time together as a family.

It has been absolutely dreamy!

Having all of my chickadees under one roof is a rare occassion these days,

so anytime I get it,

I make sure to soak it all in,

each sweet ounce!

Throughout all of the busy activity,

God has somehow continued to show Himself to me.

I love how He finds me even in the craziness of life.

How He continues to mold me and shape me into something more beautiful each day.

How He continues to keep me in check,
when my head begins to swell a bit.


There was a certain incident that happened a couple of weeks ago concerning my son.

My son was hurt in an incident involving a neighbor.

It really got to me.

It upset me beyond words...

or so I thought.

I apparently was using many words to describe my frustration and aggravation,

and my little guy was hearing every single word of it.

I ranted on and on.

In my mind,

 I was acting out of defense for my son,

 going on about how wrong the other person was.

I excused my words by thinking I was a good Mom, because I was so upset over it.

I felt that I needed to take a stand against that person.

All the while,

his little ears were being filled with the junk and hatred coming out of my mouth.

The night of the incident, my husband was away at work, so my little guy decided to sleep with me in my bed.

I was lying there fuming in anger and going over and over retaliation in my mind.

My little one softly says,

"Mom, can you hold my hand and pray with me?"

I turned over and grabbed his hand when he said,

"I want to pray for the neighbors Mom, for them to feel the love of Jesus and take Him into their heart."

And there it was...

the words I should have been saying all along.

"for them to feel the love of Jesus"

...instead of my wrath.

I sunk deep within my pillow with shame,
asking God to forgive me for my actions, my words,
and my lack of silence.

Quietly realizing the hurt and slander I was throwing at one of God's own.

My little one would have learned so much more from me,
if only I had chosen to be silent instead of ranting on in anger and my need to be right.

I forget way too often that it is not my job to bring revenge,

or make someone pay,

or to get even with my enemy,

or to be the revealer of their wrongs,
or to voice my complaints towards them,
or even to have the last word in an argument.

It is my job to love them,

just like Jesus loves me.

Just like He loves them.

Just like He asked us all to do...

John 13:34-35

Let me give you a new command: Love one another.  In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples-when they see the love you have for each other.

I hoard mercy and grace from others,

yet I so desperately need it myself.

God doesn't need me to plead my case,

because He already knows what it's all about.

He needs me to trust Him to take care of it and give Love,

even when I don't feel like it,

even when I don't see the change in the other person.

It's not about showing others who I am, or who I'm not...
it's about showing them who He is.

 He is love.

A week or two later,

God placed me in not just one similar situation,
not just two,
but three.

One where my strength and faith would be tested,
one where my faith and "christianity" were attacked,
and one where my integrity and honesty were questioned.

Giving me two choices...

to give mercy and love freely,

or to give my opinionated and defensive words filled with malice.

I could have either let it all spew out and cause more harm than good,

or I could put my hand over my mouth,

bite my lip,

love unconditionally

and let God be God.

I'm not going to say it was an easy task,

because it was not.

But I will say,

silence is wisdom.

And if you give it half a chance,

you will find the beauty in it.

There is beauty in the silence!

Proverbs 14:29 (The MSG)

Slowness to anger makes for deep understanding; a quick-tempered person stockpiles stupidity.

I think way too often that if I just say what is on my mind,

say what I am feeling,
voice my disapproval,

or give my hotheaded opinion,

that I will feel better.

When in reality,

when it's all said and done,

I end up feeling pretty horrible.

I end up being left sitting in my own word vomit,

and smelling pretty stinky.

God has shown me that if I focus on what I can do...like loving people,

and not what I can't do...like judging or attempting to fix them,

I see more results and I feel freedom from the situation.

Maybe it's because when I stop trying to be God,

 I can actually see God.

That's where the beauty is,

in Him!

It's not in me being right,

or getting my point across to the other person,

or attempting to show the world that I am somehow better than them,

or me thinking I know more than them,

or getting the last word in...

it's in loving!

Loving.

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstacy but don't love,

I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day,  and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't have love,

I'm nothing.

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't have love,

I've gotten nowhere.

So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have,

Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head,

doesn't force itself on others,

isn't always "me first",

doesn't fly off the handle,

doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

doesn't revel when others grovel...

takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

puts up with anything,

trusts God always,

always looks for the best,

never looks back,

but keeps going to the end.

Continue to teach me Lord

to give the same grace, love and mercy that you so freely give to me.

Continue to let me see You in the silence.