Monday, July 29, 2013

Where I find myself.

When my daughter was about 3 years old,
we attended an out of state family reunion for my side of the family.
My family is quite large,
 being that I have oodles of siblings. Twelve to be exact.
We're more like a litter actually.
When we all get together it can be quite overwhelming for even us "big kids".
We arrived early to take in as much of the weekend as possible and soak up as many hugs and laughs as we could.
It was the first time my little one had been around so many family members at one time.
As the cars pulled up and the adults and children poured from their vehicles,
I could see that she was getting a little apprehensive toward the whole "reuniting" of the family members.
In no time, there were people everywhere.
 Adults were laughing and hugging.
Children were running around, playing and giggling loudly.
Unfamiliar faces were running past her, some stopping to question her name and some stooping down to kiss her on the cheek.
Everyone scurried around, to either greet the next family to arrive or gather up the covered meal brought with happy smiles.
The environment around her became quite busy, rather quickly.
For this little one, it was even more overwhelming.
After everyone had arrived,
I sat down on the porch swing and began to visit with a couple of my sisters.
We began talking, laughing and reminiscing with one another.
I felt a little tug on my leg.
As I finished my sentence, I looked down and there was my little girl,
a little sweaty and smelly from the morning's overwhelming adventure,
urging me to let her sit on my lap.
I pulled her up and she nestled herself on my lap, fitting perfectly in the crook of my arm.
As her little body finished snuggling next to me, she let out a deep sigh.
And there she sat for the next hour,
looking and taking in all of the busyness around her...
but from the comfort of my lap.

I don't know if it was the fear of the unknown,
the busy crowd that had finally been too much for her,
the questioning of unfamiliar faces,
the dozens of wet kisses,
 if she just needed to sit in her safe place needing a rest,
if she just needed to reassure herself, amongst the dozens of faces, who she belonged to,
or if she needed to see things from a different view.
Whatever it was,
she had found it sitting on my lap for those 60 minutes.
She never moved. She sat still as could be.

I could feel her little racing heart as it slowed down in relaxation with every passing minute.
without a notice or a warning...
she made another deep sigh,
looked up at me smiling sweetly,
and climbed down off my lap to rejoin the children playing.
In the quiet, she had found what she had searched for.
Psalm 91:2
This I declare about the LORD:
He alone is my refuge,
 my place of safety;
 He is my God, and I trust him.
This is where I find myself lately...
tugging on His leg,
needing to climb up on my Father's lap,
nestling myself in the crook of His arm.
Maybe it's the fear of the unknown,
this sometimes overwhelming, but wonderful new journey we are on,
the busy crowd around me that seems to be too much lately,
the dozens of questions from onlookers and doubters,
the need for my safe place to find rest,
 just needing to see things from a different view... 
or maybe,
 just maybe,
 to remind myself to Whom I belong.
No matter what it is,
I find it nestled in Him, in His presence, on His lap.

Psalm 18:35
You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great.

I find what it is my heart searches for. 
In the stillness. In who He is.
In where I find myself.
Psalm 91:1
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
As I get snuggled in closely to Him, letting out a deep sigh,
He catches every apprehensive breath I take and gives me new breath to breathe.
Reviving my soul within the quiet,
and settling my heart with each passing moment.
Giving me what I need to continue on this journey.
I am the daughter of the King.
Who is not moved by the world.
For my God is with me and goes before me.
I do not fear because I am His.
Psalm 119:57-64
You are my portion, Lord;
    I have promised to obey your words, I have sought your face with all my heart;
    be gracious to me according to your promise.
 I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes.
 I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.
 Though the wicked bind me with ropes,  I will not forget your law.
At midnight I rise to give you thanks for your righteous laws.
 I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.
 The earth is filled with your love, Lord;  teach me your decrees.


  1. Amazing! I so needed to read this right this moment!


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