Tuesday, November 12, 2013

When leaning is all you can do.


"We won’t stop confessing He is good and we won’t stop thanking Him for grace and we won’t stop holding out our hands — and taking His hand. We won’t stop believing that “God is good” is not some trite quip for the good days but a radical defiant cry for the terrible days.
That “God is good” is not a stale one-liner when all’s  happy but a saving lifeline when all’s hard."
~~Ann Voskamp

It's 3:30 in the morning and I sit watching...
watching his little chest move up and down.
I count his breaths, making sure there are enough of them.
This little guy, that God has entrusted our hearts to hold.
This precious gift that He has given to us without holding anything back.
 Our baby Isaac.
God did not leave one detail undone when He brought him to us.
We did not expect him, but now, can't imagine life without him.
The doctors say words that I do not understand. They speak of tests, and more tests. Procedures are scheduled and appointments are made. 
And with every word they speak, my legs get weak and I lean closer to Him.
All I know to do is hold this little one even closer to me. To love him even harder than the day before.
I struggle and I struggle with the thoughts that race around in my mind. I try not to google, but my fingers hit the keys and I regress.
Holes they say. Four of them. In his tiny little heart.
The number sends chills down my spine and I lean more and more into Him.

The whisper of His embrace gives me peace and I lean even closer, to absorb as much of Him as I can.

To soak Him in.
His greatness envelops me.

 I just don't want to stand right now.
 So, all I do is lean.
Around every corner they come...the tears. They fall and they fall and I lean and I lean.
 The weakness takes over and I just want to fall over more and more.
I can barely feel my feet beneath me.
My heart is heavy.
Some may call it backsliding, losing my faith, not trusting Him, doubting what He can do.
The fingers of shame are shaken in my direction.
I guess, I just don't see it that way.
What I do see, is Him urging me closer to Him.
 I see Him stretching His arms out for me to collapse into them.
  I feel the warmth of His embrace as my tears mingle together as they fall at His feet.
I see the love in His eyes as He becomes ALL that I need and more.
I hear the comfort in His voice as He reminds me who He is.

Because today, right now, in this very moment...
I need Him to be all that He says He is.

 All that I know He is.

My Strength when I am weak.
Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

My Song when I can not sing.
Psalm 40:2-3
He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God;

The Catcher of every tear that I cry.
Psalm 56:8
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book

My Feet when I can not stand.
Psalm 18:32-33
    It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights.
 My Portion when I lack.

Psalm 16:5
LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.

My Comfort when my heart is heavy.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

As my soul rests into Him, I know these things:

He is far greater than my fear and my worry.
 He is far greater than four holes in a tiny little heart.
He is far greater than my mind can comprehend.
And the closer I am to Him, the greater He becomes.

He is strong enough to hold me when I can not stand.
He is strong enough to hold me.
He is strong enough.

He is God...and God is good.

So, I will lean. Lean into Him. And be reminded of these things.
All of these things.

When leaning is all you can do...
do just that.

2 Corinthians 12:9-11
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Please join with us, as we pray and believe for Isaac's healing.


  1. Praying for your little man, sweet friend. Love y'all!

  2. This precious gift named Issac is a survivor and these holes will be filled by the love of your family. I will pray for him, for all of you. If I can do anything please call. Love to all of you!


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