Where we are.

 

 

 

"Seek the presence of God and hang on to Him.  Go where He goes and let Him fight for you.  Invariably when we're most exhausted, we'll find we're expending more energy fighting the enemy than we are seeking God's presence.  More than you seek to win, seek Christ! More than you seek victory, seek the Victor! As you do, you are binding yourself to His presence and trusting God to carry you into victory." ~~Beth Moore

 

 

 

 

 

I look at this picture and I almost don't recognize my own children.

Crazy right?

 Man, how they have all changed so much over the last year and a few months.

They are all so crazy amazing! We are so blessed.

 

It's been quite a long while since I have written in this space. My intentions are always to write, but the timing doesn't always fit with my intentions.  

This past year has been a full one.
 We've had lots of laughs and a few tears.  Some good times and some bad.  There were struggles and there have been victories. All in all, it's been a good one.

 

I'm happy to be able to have a little time to myself today, so

 I thought I'd help myself catch up on where we are.

 

So, if you're interested, this is

  where we are...

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

Amber is now 22 years old. Wow!

 

She is in Romania. 

 

 She has been there with CTI (Cross Training International) for almost 5 months now. 

 She is truly living out God's voice over her life. 

He spoke to her a few years ago, after her first trip to Romania, that He would send her back to live there for a time. 

 It is a powerful thing to watch God's words, His very breath over her, being lived out.

I am amazed at her faithfulness to her Father. I am amazed at her bravery to answer His call on her life.

I am in awe of the woman she has become.
And her smile...just radiant. She is stunning.

I am a proud, proud momma.

 

She is living there with the Romanian Master's Commission team and other CTI team members. She is loving it! She is ministering each day to the lost and the hurting. Truly being the hands and feet of Jesus.  She is also teaching a Sunday school class each week to a group of young Romanian children.  She is teaching them English. Her heart for children is such a beautiful thing that has unfolded over the past few years. She has become an amazing leader to the XMC team there.

 

I miss her. Terribly. Like, sobbing ugly cry terribly.

Communication is not always easy. She is on a 9 hour time difference and the few hours of the day that we are awake at the same time, doesn't always guarantee that we will get to chat.  Her schedule keeps her busy and mine, well, it has been crazy at times.

 

  I miss her sweet voice.  I miss the opportunity to just pick up the phone anytime I want and hear it. It's a luxury that I will no longer take for granted. Time is short. Oceans are far and wide.

And this momma misses her girl.

 

She returns home during the middle of September.

Oh, what a happy day that will be!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 



Kaitlyn is now 18 years old.
She is in absolute beauty.

She graduated high school this past May.

 

She wowed the entire auditorium with her graduation speech.

She wowed me with her extreme courage to do it.

She was my first homeschool graduate. She has made the scary choice to homeschool, four years ago, worth every second. She was a phenomenal student.

 

As I type, Kaitlyn is boarding a plane to return home from Seattle.

She has been working for most of the summer, saving up for her college tuition.  She has been working with the Event Force team for Microsoft Corporation during the past month, which has kept her out of state in Florida and Washington.

 

This girl is something else. She is smart and brave and funny and simply loves life.

She has a genuine love for people and for serving the Lord. She wants to travel and disciple others. That just makes my heart so full.  It's refreshing to watch her grow into the world changer I knew she would always be.
 I get to be her momma. That's pretty awesome.

 

She is beginning to take the tiny steps to walk out on that branch and take the awaited leap out of the nest.  Her wings have been practicing their flight over the past few months.

She is ready and excited to move into her dorm/apartment and  start college in the Fall where she will attend XMC.

She will do great.  I see her nurturing all her roommates and cooking meals for them. She is a giver. Always has been.  I also see their apartment full of joy. Wherever she is, you'd better be sure there will be much laughter.

 

Me? Well, ya know... I'd say it gets easier the more children you let go of, but I'd be lying.

It is a beautiful, yet hard process. Sort of like labor.

The tearing away of their bodies from yours. But, this time, they take your heart with them. I'm working on getting used to the process. It's a good tearing away, but not an easy one.

 Maybe, when Isaac leaves home in 16 years or so, I'll be a pro at it. (Or maybe not.)

 

I look forward to hugging her neck later tonight when she gets home.

Her face and her laughter have been missed around the house.

They will be missed even more, come September.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mason is now 12 years old.

Or, as he says it, "practically 13".

 

 Out of all the kids, he has definitely changed the most.

 

He will be starting 8th grade in just a few short weeks.

 

In their group picture above, his face was all babyish and soft and still a little squishy.

 

Now?

Well, he has facial hair,  he's 5'7" and 197 pounds!

He grew into a young man overnight, I think.

 

His voice is changing, his face is maturing and he's passed his dad up in shoe size!

 

What the hoohah is happening here?

I was not prepared for this.

  I've watched my girls become young women, and now, I'm watching my sweet baby boy become a man. What a beautiful, yet heart wrenching sight.

He's just a baby!

(Well, he's my baby.)

 

He just returned yesterday from Tween Camp. He talked and talked and talked for the first 4 hours and then he just passed out, practically mid sentence, on the way home.  Camp tired. That's the best tired.

 

He told us last night over supper, that he was filled with the Holy Spirit during one of their evening chapel services. He said it was the weirdest and best feeling he's ever experienced.

 

I did good, y'all... holding back the tears, as he shared his life changing news in his newly deepening pubescent voice.
(I was freaking out on the inside with tears and joy and all that jazz!)

 

He's growing up...so, so fast.

 

My heart is trying to stay caught up with all of it.  I'm doing my best to flow with all of the changes going on with everyone.

 

Mason is a sweet, sweet young man. He's a good helper and a hard worker.

He's looking forward to his sister moving out in September, so that he can finally have the
"big room".

He's also looking forward to the day that he can grow a beard, like his dad.

I'm not ready for that.

Not. at. all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Isaac is almost 2 years old.

 

He is a busy toddler who insists that he should live outside...all of the time!
(Even though his momma is allergic to the planet. Thank you, Lord, for anthihistamines!)

 

He is talking really well and beginning to show his own little personality.

His giggle is possibly the best sound I have ever heard.

 It is extremely contagious. It's simply the best.

 

He loves shoes, our rooster "Popcorn", playing with his best friend, Ren, praying and saying "Amen" at every meal, and watching Curious George.  He gives the best hugs and recently learned to say, "I wuvv oo."

I. just. melt. like. buttah.

 

He has come so very far since a year ago, when he had heart surgery.

We've had a few of our 1 year checkups since surgery, and for the most part, he is in great health. He no longer has the symptoms he had before surgery and it has been a blessing watching him enjoy life without being sick.

 

His sensory issues are up and down.  We have some really good days for the most part, but when we have bad days, they are really rough...with a capital RROOOUUUGH!

God is teaching me much about myself and how to be a mother, during this season with Isaac.

Much, much.

You'd think since my oldest is 22, I'd have this mothering thing in the bag by now. Ummm, not exactly. God is showing me that my kids aren't the only ones that are growing, or that need to grow.

(But, that's for another blog post.)

 

We are, however, in the middle of new medical tests. He's had some mild, yet persistent symptoms, over the past 6 months or more. An abnormal test result revealed that he could have something serious going on.  We are awaiting results right now.  We have several doctors appointments for this coming week.  We are praying and praying to receive some answers soon, and of course, for a perfect healing in his little body.

 

Until then, I am taking in each moment and trying not to forget to breathe.

I am reminding myself that God has our best intentions in mind. He always has.

 

My husband said it best,

"God's in control. He always has been. I don't want to work against what He wants to do in us, so I've just learned to go with it. His control is better than mine has ever been."

 

So true. Such a wise man.

 

 

 

 

As for me and this handsome stud, we are approaching our 24th wedding anniversary.

(Geez, we are old!)

 

We are doing our best to hold onto this fast train that our kids have us on.

They are all such a delight and we've enjoyed every part of this ride with them. We are ready to have them all under the same roof again. That will be a very good day, indeed.

We look forward to the season ahead of us. We do our best to embrace everything as it comes and not take one moment for granted.

 

At times, we feel so undeserving of the life we get to live.

 

Who knew a girl from the projects and a Cajun boy from the bayou would end up so crazy and wonderfully blessed!

 

God has been so very good to us.


"At the end of the day, I have a life that's good."
 

 

These days, we are doing our best to stay connected with one another. Life, these past couple of years, has caused us to get into a continuous motion of survival. Situations, beyond our control, have blindsided us and knocked us out of wack a bit. Life will do that sometimes. It doesn't ask permission before it does. Stuff just comes.

In the midst of being tossed about, we have forgotten, at times, why we jumped on this crazy train in the first place.

All because we were deeply and passionately in love.

We just wanted to breathe each other in, all of the time.

We wanted to love and laugh with each other, forever.

 

"Through sickness and in health. Through good times and bad. Until death do we part."

 

We are working our way back to that place with one another and enjoying doing so.

I am thankful for God's strength that has kept us afloat. He is quick to grab us when we begin to sink. His hand definitely does uphold us.

 

Frankie is an extraordinary man and a great partner. He leads our family well.

He makes me laugh until I snort. I love him so very much. He's my boo.

 This journey would not be worth living without him.

 

 

So, folks, that is exactly ...where we are.

 

God continues to show me, that through it all, and wherever we are... He is there.

 He is there in the good, the bad, the easy, the struggle, the laughter, the tears, the failures, the victories and in the midst of all the changes.

 

It's the sweetest thing, seeing His love ebb and flow through every area of our lives.

 

Nothing goes unseen by Him and nothing is a surprise to Him.

 

He is always there, watching over us.

 

Where we are...He simply is.

 

 

Psalms 33:18

"But the Lord watches over all who honor Him and trust His kindness."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Bridegroom.

 

Well, hi everyone.
 I am sure most of you are well aquainted with me, at least my name.

Haha.

 I am the daughter of the famous blogger, Tammy Stelly.

 Not only is it an honor to be writing a blog on her blog page,
but it is pretty sweet to be her daughter as well.
 She is the best mother that I could ask for.
 If I was stuck with someone else, well, it would be interesting, to say the least.

Anyways, moving on.

I would like to share a little bit about what God has been doing inside me
and through me in the past seven months.

As some of you know,
I am in Master's Commission,
a college program designed to get to know the heart of God while learning how to make Him known.

I began my second year in September.
The first year of Master's Commission is all about you being poured into by awesome women of God and just figuring out who you are in God,
 although I believe you are never done figuring that out.
(That's just me though.)


The second year is dedicated to coming back as a leader and being a disciple in training.

 Disciple in training.

That's what God is molding me into these past seven months.

What a difficult thing it is!
Don't get me wrong guys, it's beautiful.
 Everytime I see these amazing women of God growing, changing, and transforming,
I look up to God and say, "Lord, thank you."

 However, I have to say recently I forgot that I needed to be filled up to pour out.

Then, I thought I got things right.
 I was praying. I was reading His word. I was loving His people.

 I said that I loved Him, but I felt like I was missing something.

 Sometime in March,
 I found myself being so distracted by future plans, by people, and by the opinions of others.
Anything that could get me off of His face, that's what I was looking at.

 There was a song I wrote in the beginning of my year, and it was about God telling me to keep my eyes on Him because there was nothing better to see....
He reminded me of this song and I couldn't help but feel convicted.

 I asked God to forgive me and to help me.
Then, He told me that He wanted me to be intimate with Him.

 Intimacy.
What does that even look like?

I remember feeling literally afraid of failing.
 I told God ,
"I don't know how to be intimate with people, much less you."

 It was a moment of honesty with myself.
How scary is it to just be honest to God, not in our thoughts, but out loud, vulnerable, saying...

 "Here I am God. Even though you already know my condition. This is where I am at."

 

The definition of intimacy is close familiarity or friendship; closeness.

Now that I knew what He wanted from me, I had to figure out how to give it to Him.

"Father, I love you!" I cried.

 "But how do I fall in love with you? I've only seen you as a Father, a friend, a comforter. But my love, my husband? "

My first year of Master's Commission, I was influenced by a girl named Mallory.
 She always talked about being in love with Jesus.

I got what she was saying.
I respected it and believed it to be absolutely true that God is our first love, but the idea of me feeling that way or experiencing God in this romance type way was just out of the question for me.

I am the girl with the walls.
I am the one who is stubborn.
I am the one who runs to the altars last, because I don't always want people to see me.
 I am not the falling in love with Jesus type.
I fear Him. I love Him.
 I don't fall in love.

Besides, every time I thought I was in love, I got it all wrong.
Intimacy was a fear of mine.
 Kinda still is.

But I must tell you, things are changing.

A few weeks ago, I was praying about being intimate with God.
I was also reading one of my books from Westcoast,
the online Bible college that I am a part of.

 I came upon a single paragraph titled "Intimacy with God."

Of course.

God is so crazy sometimes.

I read the first sentence.

It said,
 "The reason that people are afraid of intimacy is because they are scared that once that person sees everything about them, they will no longer like them."

I mean...what else is there to say?

 That statement was everything I needed to face.
Not only was it true, but it was me.

 I told God,
"Okay, this is me.
I am scared that You won't like me too much if I start drawing close to you
 in an intimate way.
I know that You will always love me God.
 But what about me is appealing? I sorta suck without You."

 Then, I thought about the relationships I had been a part of in my past,
 and the way that they drew me.

They took me on dates. They bought me flowers.

 So, I asked God to help me fall in love with Him.
 I need God to even want God.
Crazy concept.
We need God to want Him.
 Our flesh doesn't desire intimacy with God.

Intimacy with God is the exact thing that Adam and Eve had with Him in a perfect world,
yet abandoned it.
 
But why is it treated as though it was never given back?

The devil's plan is that his daughters and sons would never know intimacy with Him.
God created me to love Him,
but to also know intimacy with Him.

Like most Christian women my age, I have been thinking about marriage lately.
 But the more I think about it, the more I need to draw near to God.
If I don't understand intimacy with my Creator,
 I shall never be able to be intimate with a man.
 It will fail.
The marriage will fail.
 Being cutesy will only get me so far.
Being respectful will only get me so far.
 But intimacy...
 Intimacy is what will build the relationship.
 A closeness.

 The thing about intimacy though, is that no matter how much your groom pursues you,
 you must be willing to go with Him to the secret place.
 He can't make you come closer, but He can draw you.

 

I was reading Ezekiel 16,
which is God talking to Jerusalem,
the adulterous wife He calls her, because of all of her sins against Him.

 I thought it was such a beautiful picture of God's love for me.

 It's Ezekiel 16:8-14

 "Later, I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you
and covered your naked body.
 I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you,
declares the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine.
 I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you
 and put ointments on you.
I clothed you with an embroidered dress
and put sandals of fine leather on you.
 I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments.
 I adorned you with jewelry:
 I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck,
and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears,
and a beautiful crown on your head.
 So you were adorned with gold and silver;
 your clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth.
Your food was honey, olive oil and the finest flour.
You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen.
And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty,
 because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect,
declares the Sovereign Lord."

He goes on to say how she has taken all of the items of beauty He gave her and prostituted them to "anyone who passed by."

As I read this, I was so burdened.
I thought God, how many times do I give my heart out to random people and witness, but I am hesitant to be intimate with You.
I am afraid.
 Wow.
Afraid of what He has given to me, the gift of intimacy.
 It is a gift!
I had been missing out on this entire characteristic of God because of my own fear.

Intimacy with God is something that I am experiencing lately.
 It is one of the most amazing things I have ever known.
It is not based on an emotion either.
 I am not always giddy to be in God's presence,
but I am finding myself more and more in love with His character.

 

 The emotions raging inside me are so incredibly flimsy, but God is my constant love.

 
Not only is He drawing me closer, He is whispering things to me in the secret place.

He is establishing me as a woman.

He is telling me that I am loved. And that is enough.

No amount of makeup, weight loss, hair product,
or anything can make me more appealing to God.

He saw me from the beginning and called me His own.

 

The question He has been asking me, I will pose to you who are reading this...

 

 "Love, why are you afraid? You were naked from the start. "

Exposing ourselves before God is not something to be scorned.
 

 When we show Him who we are, we are walking in complete freedom.

 
 

Psalm 139:1-24.

 "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit down and rise up.
You discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down and
 are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue, before O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in behind and before and lay your hand upon me."

 

I do not believe that David ever regretted dancing before God.

 I can't imagine Mary feeling shame for washing Jesus' feet.

 

 Worship is not shameful.

 

I believe that by God calling me to intimacy with Him,

He is calling me to a place of deeper worship.

 

 Let's go there.
Let's stop being afraid of Him not liking what He sees.

He has seen everything already.

 It is time to take the coverings off and dance unashamed with our Groom.

 It is time for intimacy.

And with that, these are the lyrics to one of my songs titled "Bridegroom."

You may click the link below the lyrics to listen to the song.

 I pray that this has ministered to someone today.

 

 

 White dress

walking down the aisle

bouquet in hand

heart on fire

here I am

polished and new

ready to follow you

unveil me

unveil me so gently

Bridegroom, I do I do.

 

Bridegroom

http://youtu.be/9QLv3ZNJE2w

(Song and lyrics protected by U.S. Copyright)


It has been an amazing two years for Amber in her XMC experience!

God has given her the opporunity to reach out to people all over the United States
and also countries abroad, such as Romania and Italy,
 with the Gospel and the Love of Jesus.

God is pursuing His children!

As with any other mission field,
at home or abroad,
there is an expense.
            
Amber is in need of either sponsors or donations to continue her journey through Master's Commission to receive her Bachelors degree in Biblical Counseling.


There is a balance of $2,500.00
and we are believing God to provide the rest of her tuition by the deadline,
 which falls at the beginning of May.

If we could get 25 people to donate $100.00--it would pay off her balance.

We know God is capable of this!

If you are interested in sponsoring Amber or giving a donation towards her tuition,
(of any amount)
and have a question about anything,
please email me at tammy.stelly@yahoo.com.

If you can not give at this time, we would appreciate your prayers!


Sponsorships or donations can be mailed to:

Crossroads Church
150 Verona Drive
Lafayette, LA 70507

Please make checks payable to Crossroads Master's Commission
and
put Amber Stelly-XMC in the memo section.


Thank you!






Why kittens and sheep have so much in common.

 

 

 

 

 

Luke 1:78-79

Through the heartfelt mercies of our God, God's Sunrise will break in upon us,

Shining on those in the darkness, those sitting in the shadow of death,

Then showing us the way, one foot at a time, down the path of peace.

 

 

 

My family and I spent this past weekend camping at a deer lease with some friends.

 

It was relaxing to be out in the middle of practically nowhere,

 with the quiet of the trees and the sounds of nature,

especially after the busyness of the Christmas holiday.

 

We came home yesterday afternoon to something we did not expect.

 

Our momma cat had 3 kittens this past Thursday.

 

As I approached her and her little ones after we got home,

I noticed that one wasn't moving.

 

We did what we could,

but without any luck...

the little guy didn't make it.

 

Being a family full of animal lovers,

we were all very saddened.

 

We weren't sure what happened to it or why it died so suddenly.

It didn't matter to us really, we were just sad that it was gone.

 

We then noticed that the smallest kitten wasn't eating well and looked weak.

 

My son, the future Zoologist, looked at me with his little sad eyes and said,

 

"Aren't we going to do something to save this one Mom? We have to save her Mom, whatever it takes."

 

 In the fear of the same thing happening again,

we decided to begin giving supplements to the small kitten by bottle feeding her.

 

Little did I know,

that this would be an all night job.

 

Baby kittens eat quite often at their own disposal,

having a 24 hour buffet at their hands.

 

We had to begin feeding her every 2 hours around the clock.

 

(When I say we, I mean me.)

 

I set my clock to wake up with her every couple of hours and feed her as much as her little tummy could hold...

and each time she began to get a little stronger.

 

At first, she didn't trust me much and wiggled and squirmed to get away from me.

 

She would meow this little pathetic noise trying to call out for help.

 

Even in her weakness,

 she exhausted herself trying to fight me when I was only trying to help her.

 

In the early morning hours,

about the fourth time I woke up to feed her...

she nestled close to me and began to purr softly.

She didn't fight me and had figured out that I wasn't trying to hurt her,

 but help her.

 

She quickly latched on to the bottle and began to eat as though her life depended on it.

At one point she grabbed the cap of the bottle with her tiny little paws and let out a great big breath,

as to say...

"Okay, I give up."

 

 

 

 

You are probably wondering where this post is going right about now.

 

I do have a point.

 

As I sat with the little kitten last night,

I thought of how much the little kitten represented us as God's sheep.

 

My daughter gave a small piece of her testimony at a benefit concert a couple of weeks ago.

 

She spoke on how lost she was at one point in her life,

and how God searched her out.

 

She said something that has been on my heart ever since,

 

"God will go after you no matter where you are. It doesn't matter why you are lost or why you are broken, it just matters that you are. He doesn't care about the details of why you are lost, just that you are. He will go after you and do no matter what it takes to bring you back to Himself."

 

In the lyrics of a song my daughter wrote and sang that night,

 it says...

 

It doesn't matter what you say.

It doesn't matter what walls you build.

He comes to purify.

He comes to fill.

He goes after the one.

He goes after the one.

Father, Spirit, Son,

He goes after the one.

Don't doubt His love for you,

because He will run after the one.

 

 

Luke 15:3-7

Then Jesus told them this parable:

  “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?  And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."

 

 

The thing I thought of in the middle of the night was how we fight Him when He comes after us.

 

We wiggle and we squirm to get away from Him,

thinking that He is going to harm us or change us.

 

Even in our weakness, we exhaust ourselves trying to fight Him,

when He is only trying to help us.

To strengthen us.

 

Maybe we don't trust what we don't know.

Maybe His love is something we have never felt before and the foreignty of it scares us.

Maybe, just maybe...

we don't feel worthy of the life He comes to bring.

Maybe the thought of surrendering,

makes us think we lose something in the process.

 

The thing is...

He doesn't come to change us,

He comes to make us new.

He comes to make us better.

He comes to give, not to take.

 

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.

 The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

 

He comes to purify. He comes to fill.

 

He doesn't wait until we leave our brokenness or the place where we are lost, 

He meets us smack dab in the middle of it,

healing us within it.

 

Psalm 40:2-3

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.  

 

He shows us His beauty in the midst of it all.

 

Just like that little kitten...

or the lost sheep...

He will do anything to save just one,

whatever it takes.

His LOVE for you is steadfast.
 

I don't know where you are as this year comes to an end,

but wherever you are...

no matter how near or far,

when He comes after you,

latch on to Him as though your life depended on it.

 

 

Don't doubt His love for you,

because He will run after the one.

 

 

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;

 I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

 

 

Psalm 40:4-12

    Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.  Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but my ears you have pierced; burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.    Then I said, "Here I am, I have come-- it is written about me in the scroll. I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."

 

 

The 3D Mom

 

Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,
 and all these things will be given to you as well.

 

I find myself feeling very 3-dimensional lately.

 

It's much different than the usual feelings of emotion

 that move and flow through my life on a daily basis.

 

I've had the privelege of being a mom to three amazing and awesome young people.

 

They have stretched my life and heart in ways unimaginable and I am better because of it.
I should have known when they were born into my life to take space within my heart, that the stretching was bound to happen to make room for more Love.

 

Their love, in many ways, has healed me.

But, I have wondered what God is up to from time to time in this whole mothering thing.

I've asked Him...
"Ughh, are you sure I can bend that way God? Because it feels like I'm just going to break right here, right now, in this very spot."

On some days, I actually have been broken...
but He is quick to pick me up and mend my brokenness, only making me stronger because of it.

Using my weakness to bring out strength.
 

He has challenged me in ways that I did not expect,

 like where I am right now.

 

There is a 5 to 6 year gap between each of my children.

 

A gap that I have well appreciated over the years.

One that I know God planned out perfectly just for our family.

 

And lately,

it's the one thing that has made me feel 3-dimensional.

They are all so very different and require something different from me in this particular season of life.

Dimension 1:
 

My oldest daughter has been out of our house for a year and a half now.

She began her second year of Master's Commission (Bible College) this past September.

She will be 20 years old in January.

 

And as I type that number above, I let out a big sigh.

 

A sigh of... "Where has the time gone? Where did my little blonde curly haired girl go?"

 

She is an amazing young woman who is filled with such greatness.

She is determined to change the world around her and

fulfill the calling on her life no matter what the cost.

 

Her love for God runs deep and thick within her veins

and pulsates the heart that beats inside her chest.

She is creative and talented and has a true compassion for others.
She has no idea how beautiful and amazing she is, her humility is genuine.
But, she radiates. Simply radiates.
 

I am one proud Momma of that brilliant girl.

 

Our relationship has changed over the past year or so.

She needs me but doesn't need me all at the same time.

 

She needs my heart and my ears to listen to her go on and on about her days and what God has done in and through her. 

 

She explains her goings-on with such passion and zest and feeling and

I love her for that.

 

She still needs my advice and my direction,
 but done gently, sort of in the shadows,
and in a way that I haven't had to before.

She needs me... to let go, but hold on.
 

She needs me to let her find her own way now,

and be there to help her if she needs a direction every now and then.

 

Oh yes,

our relationship has changed...

but I feel it's for the better.

 

I feel it's what she needs,

what I need.

 

It's the letting go but holding on just enough.

 

 Just enough.

I remember the way I felt a little over a year ago when she left home.  On the ride home I felt as though my heart had been ripped from my chest and I could not breathe in those moments.  I cried with my entire body feeling as though my soul was being emptied out.
The days and weeks after would get worse as I saw the emptiness in our home that she once filled with her laughter, her beautiful voice echoing through the halls as she sang and played her guitar in worship to her Savior, and her sweet smile.

My heart felt torn between who she was becoming and who God was calling me to be.

I thought those feelings would last forever.

I walked into the bathroom at church this past Sunday and saw my sweet friend crying, because she too had recently saw her son off to college the same way, and her heart was still raw where it had been torn with goodbyes.

I hugged her and said,
"It's okay to feel sad right now and this too shall pass.  One day you will celebrate where he is and your heart will heal."

I realized with those few words spoken, that that is just where I was now.

Even though there are days that I miss her so very much and I find myself staring at her empty chair at the kitchen table wishing things to be the way they once were,

I can now celebrate where she is and where I am.
My heart has healed.

What a gift to be her Mom, what a gift to be right where we are today.


Dimension 2:

My second daughter is 15.

This girl has rocked my world.

She couldn't be more opposite from her older sister,
but she is every bit as great and brilliant.

I learned through this young girl that no two children are alike and no two children can be parented the same.

She is unique in every way and I love her so much for that.

She is creative and passionate in all areas of life.
She is not just the brightness of the sun,
but she is the moon...
and if she had it her way,
she'd walk it one day.

She is adventurous and clever and her sweetness is felt by everyone she comes in contact with.

Her love for God is gentle and pure,
not outspoken...
but very personal.

She's beginning to find her way in who she is in Him
 and it has unlocked even more greatness within her.

 

 She needs me in the now. Today, right here.
She needs me to keep her life balanced as it wants to toss her around with new emotions,
choices and challenges.

She needs me to tell her "no" when her strong will screams "yes" to something that might not be the best for her.

Those days aren't always my favorite,
and they tear me in bits and sometimes drain me of all my energy causing me to hold my breath in emotional exhaustion.

But when she comes to me later waving her little white flag of surrender,
sometimes hidden in a little smile
or the tiny gesture of wanting me to sit in her room with her as she folds her clothes
or even in handing me half of her Smores Pop-tart,
I know, that my heart will live another day.

That we, her and I, are growing together.

Being her Mom has blessed my heart to overflowing.
This girl, in all her wonder,
will one day change the world around her.

Dimension 3:

My son just made 10 years old.
Yes, double digits. Meaning, no more little ones in our home.
I sigh, again.

He is the sweetest, most gentle creature I have ever met.

He came to us at a time when the hope for our growing family had ceased.

You would think that by now, I would be some sort of a pro at this whole mothering thing, but the rasing of this man child has definitely stretched me.

Girls I know, well somewhat, because I am one.
But this whole boy thing?

Wow.

How does a female raise a future man, leader of his one day family and home?

How?

I'm not all sure on most days, but I'm learning a little more every day.

I've actually begun reading,
Hope for the Weary Mom: Where God Meets You in Your Mess, A Guide to Raising Godly Men.

I know I won't find all the answers I seek within the pages of this book.
That can only be found in hiding myself in His grace, in His Word and in His presence,
but I do hope to find something that makes me feel a little more normal in my worry of what to do, or what to say, or how to breathe in all of this.


I've definitely mellowed out a bit with my son and have allowed my own mistakes to embrace the Grace that God has so freely given to me.

My little guy has made me smile until my face hurts.
He has the most contagious laugh.
He gives the best hugs.

He, has been my friend.

He is intelligent, yet quiet and courageous and very eager to find his way.

He asks me all the time what his gift is.

He wants so much to know his God-given purpose.
Even at such a young age,
he desires to know God and make Him known.

He lives and breathes video games and soccer,
 from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed at night.

The other day we were at soccer practice.
I watched him from my lawn chair as he listened intently at the other children talking around him.

He is so much like his father...a man of few words.

But when he speaks, you'd better believe what he says will have great depth, emotion and meaning.

I watch him listening to them, and I see the love in his eyes for his friend as one of them begins to down himself and his ability to be goalie in the next soccer game.

His little blue eyes filled with compassion stare on as he listens to his friend, never interupting him.

And then I see him put his little hand on the space behind his friend's neck rubbing his back, comforting him.

I hear him quietly say,
"You are a great goalie. You just have to believe in yourself."

My heart melts.

He holds the same characteristic as His Savior.
He is a friend among men.
An encourager.

He needs me, all of me, every day, all the time.

He has been this Momma's heart's delight.


So here I am, the 3D Mom.

Raising and loving three kids, who are all very different in mind, emotion, needs and age.
Whose life and heart is being stretched and pulled on some days...
yet fulfilled and blessed on most.

I find comfort in knowing that God is here with me every step of the way,
gently drawing me closer to Him,
 as I gently guide them closer to Him.

Being 3-dimensional means having more depth in the way you
 see and feel something. It gives you the opportunity of embracing something from all angles and all areas. 

3D allows you to have the full effect of something.

The full effect.

God has surely given me the full 3D effect as their Mom.
They have made me challenge myself, doubt myself, and love myself all in the same day.
They have brought out dimensions that I never even knew existed.
They have caused me to feel emotions I never knew I could.
They have caused me to love harder and feel stronger.
I would not be who I am without them.
 I feel blessed to embrace all of 3 of them in every season of their life and mine.

These 3 kids of mine have awakened my soul to new heights and more love than I could ever imagine.

They take up space within my heart and my life and
I wouldn't have it any other way.

We are heart roomies for life!

I want to embrace and see and feel it all.
Every ounce.

So, I'll continue doing my best to find my way in this whole mothering thing.
This wonderful and crazy journey, that shifts and winds and turns on the blink of an eye.

This unimaginable path, I have been honored to be on.

This Mom thing...them needing me to LOVE them with all that I am,
is the best thing,
ever.


Micah 6:8

But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women.
It's quite simple:
Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don't take yourself too seriously--take God seriously.

How has motherhood stretched you?

Do you ever feel like a 3D Mom?

Please feel free to share in the comment section below.