Where we are.

 

 

 

"Seek the presence of God and hang on to Him.  Go where He goes and let Him fight for you.  Invariably when we're most exhausted, we'll find we're expending more energy fighting the enemy than we are seeking God's presence.  More than you seek to win, seek Christ! More than you seek victory, seek the Victor! As you do, you are binding yourself to His presence and trusting God to carry you into victory." ~~Beth Moore

 

 

 

 

 

I look at this picture and I almost don't recognize my own children.

Crazy right?

 Man, how they have all changed so much over the last year and a few months.

They are all so crazy amazing! We are so blessed.

 

It's been quite a long while since I have written in this space. My intentions are always to write, but the timing doesn't always fit with my intentions.  

This past year has been a full one.
 We've had lots of laughs and a few tears.  Some good times and some bad.  There were struggles and there have been victories. All in all, it's been a good one.

 

I'm happy to be able to have a little time to myself today, so

 I thought I'd help myself catch up on where we are.

 

So, if you're interested, this is

  where we are...

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

Amber is now 22 years old. Wow!

 

She is in Romania. 

 

 She has been there with CTI (Cross Training International) for almost 5 months now. 

 She is truly living out God's voice over her life. 

He spoke to her a few years ago, after her first trip to Romania, that He would send her back to live there for a time. 

 It is a powerful thing to watch God's words, His very breath over her, being lived out.

I am amazed at her faithfulness to her Father. I am amazed at her bravery to answer His call on her life.

I am in awe of the woman she has become.
And her smile...just radiant. She is stunning.

I am a proud, proud momma.

 

She is living there with the Romanian Master's Commission team and other CTI team members. She is loving it! She is ministering each day to the lost and the hurting. Truly being the hands and feet of Jesus.  She is also teaching a Sunday school class each week to a group of young Romanian children.  She is teaching them English. Her heart for children is such a beautiful thing that has unfolded over the past few years. She has become an amazing leader to the XMC team there.

 

I miss her. Terribly. Like, sobbing ugly cry terribly.

Communication is not always easy. She is on a 9 hour time difference and the few hours of the day that we are awake at the same time, doesn't always guarantee that we will get to chat.  Her schedule keeps her busy and mine, well, it has been crazy at times.

 

  I miss her sweet voice.  I miss the opportunity to just pick up the phone anytime I want and hear it. It's a luxury that I will no longer take for granted. Time is short. Oceans are far and wide.

And this momma misses her girl.

 

She returns home during the middle of September.

Oh, what a happy day that will be!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 



Kaitlyn is now 18 years old.
She is in absolute beauty.

She graduated high school this past May.

 

She wowed the entire auditorium with her graduation speech.

She wowed me with her extreme courage to do it.

She was my first homeschool graduate. She has made the scary choice to homeschool, four years ago, worth every second. She was a phenomenal student.

 

As I type, Kaitlyn is boarding a plane to return home from Seattle.

She has been working for most of the summer, saving up for her college tuition.  She has been working with the Event Force team for Microsoft Corporation during the past month, which has kept her out of state in Florida and Washington.

 

This girl is something else. She is smart and brave and funny and simply loves life.

She has a genuine love for people and for serving the Lord. She wants to travel and disciple others. That just makes my heart so full.  It's refreshing to watch her grow into the world changer I knew she would always be.
 I get to be her momma. That's pretty awesome.

 

She is beginning to take the tiny steps to walk out on that branch and take the awaited leap out of the nest.  Her wings have been practicing their flight over the past few months.

She is ready and excited to move into her dorm/apartment and  start college in the Fall where she will attend XMC.

She will do great.  I see her nurturing all her roommates and cooking meals for them. She is a giver. Always has been.  I also see their apartment full of joy. Wherever she is, you'd better be sure there will be much laughter.

 

Me? Well, ya know... I'd say it gets easier the more children you let go of, but I'd be lying.

It is a beautiful, yet hard process. Sort of like labor.

The tearing away of their bodies from yours. But, this time, they take your heart with them. I'm working on getting used to the process. It's a good tearing away, but not an easy one.

 Maybe, when Isaac leaves home in 16 years or so, I'll be a pro at it. (Or maybe not.)

 

I look forward to hugging her neck later tonight when she gets home.

Her face and her laughter have been missed around the house.

They will be missed even more, come September.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mason is now 12 years old.

Or, as he says it, "practically 13".

 

 Out of all the kids, he has definitely changed the most.

 

He will be starting 8th grade in just a few short weeks.

 

In their group picture above, his face was all babyish and soft and still a little squishy.

 

Now?

Well, he has facial hair,  he's 5'7" and 197 pounds!

He grew into a young man overnight, I think.

 

His voice is changing, his face is maturing and he's passed his dad up in shoe size!

 

What the hoohah is happening here?

I was not prepared for this.

  I've watched my girls become young women, and now, I'm watching my sweet baby boy become a man. What a beautiful, yet heart wrenching sight.

He's just a baby!

(Well, he's my baby.)

 

He just returned yesterday from Tween Camp. He talked and talked and talked for the first 4 hours and then he just passed out, practically mid sentence, on the way home.  Camp tired. That's the best tired.

 

He told us last night over supper, that he was filled with the Holy Spirit during one of their evening chapel services. He said it was the weirdest and best feeling he's ever experienced.

 

I did good, y'all... holding back the tears, as he shared his life changing news in his newly deepening pubescent voice.
(I was freaking out on the inside with tears and joy and all that jazz!)

 

He's growing up...so, so fast.

 

My heart is trying to stay caught up with all of it.  I'm doing my best to flow with all of the changes going on with everyone.

 

Mason is a sweet, sweet young man. He's a good helper and a hard worker.

He's looking forward to his sister moving out in September, so that he can finally have the
"big room".

He's also looking forward to the day that he can grow a beard, like his dad.

I'm not ready for that.

Not. at. all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Isaac is almost 2 years old.

 

He is a busy toddler who insists that he should live outside...all of the time!
(Even though his momma is allergic to the planet. Thank you, Lord, for anthihistamines!)

 

He is talking really well and beginning to show his own little personality.

His giggle is possibly the best sound I have ever heard.

 It is extremely contagious. It's simply the best.

 

He loves shoes, our rooster "Popcorn", playing with his best friend, Ren, praying and saying "Amen" at every meal, and watching Curious George.  He gives the best hugs and recently learned to say, "I wuvv oo."

I. just. melt. like. buttah.

 

He has come so very far since a year ago, when he had heart surgery.

We've had a few of our 1 year checkups since surgery, and for the most part, he is in great health. He no longer has the symptoms he had before surgery and it has been a blessing watching him enjoy life without being sick.

 

His sensory issues are up and down.  We have some really good days for the most part, but when we have bad days, they are really rough...with a capital RROOOUUUGH!

God is teaching me much about myself and how to be a mother, during this season with Isaac.

Much, much.

You'd think since my oldest is 22, I'd have this mothering thing in the bag by now. Ummm, not exactly. God is showing me that my kids aren't the only ones that are growing, or that need to grow.

(But, that's for another blog post.)

 

We are, however, in the middle of new medical tests. He's had some mild, yet persistent symptoms, over the past 6 months or more. An abnormal test result revealed that he could have something serious going on.  We are awaiting results right now.  We have several doctors appointments for this coming week.  We are praying and praying to receive some answers soon, and of course, for a perfect healing in his little body.

 

Until then, I am taking in each moment and trying not to forget to breathe.

I am reminding myself that God has our best intentions in mind. He always has.

 

My husband said it best,

"God's in control. He always has been. I don't want to work against what He wants to do in us, so I've just learned to go with it. His control is better than mine has ever been."

 

So true. Such a wise man.

 

 

 

 

As for me and this handsome stud, we are approaching our 24th wedding anniversary.

(Geez, we are old!)

 

We are doing our best to hold onto this fast train that our kids have us on.

They are all such a delight and we've enjoyed every part of this ride with them. We are ready to have them all under the same roof again. That will be a very good day, indeed.

We look forward to the season ahead of us. We do our best to embrace everything as it comes and not take one moment for granted.

 

At times, we feel so undeserving of the life we get to live.

 

Who knew a girl from the projects and a Cajun boy from the bayou would end up so crazy and wonderfully blessed!

 

God has been so very good to us.


"At the end of the day, I have a life that's good."
 

 

These days, we are doing our best to stay connected with one another. Life, these past couple of years, has caused us to get into a continuous motion of survival. Situations, beyond our control, have blindsided us and knocked us out of wack a bit. Life will do that sometimes. It doesn't ask permission before it does. Stuff just comes.

In the midst of being tossed about, we have forgotten, at times, why we jumped on this crazy train in the first place.

All because we were deeply and passionately in love.

We just wanted to breathe each other in, all of the time.

We wanted to love and laugh with each other, forever.

 

"Through sickness and in health. Through good times and bad. Until death do we part."

 

We are working our way back to that place with one another and enjoying doing so.

I am thankful for God's strength that has kept us afloat. He is quick to grab us when we begin to sink. His hand definitely does uphold us.

 

Frankie is an extraordinary man and a great partner. He leads our family well.

He makes me laugh until I snort. I love him so very much. He's my boo.

 This journey would not be worth living without him.

 

 

So, folks, that is exactly ...where we are.

 

God continues to show me, that through it all, and wherever we are... He is there.

 He is there in the good, the bad, the easy, the struggle, the laughter, the tears, the failures, the victories and in the midst of all the changes.

 

It's the sweetest thing, seeing His love ebb and flow through every area of our lives.

 

Nothing goes unseen by Him and nothing is a surprise to Him.

 

He is always there, watching over us.

 

Where we are...He simply is.

 

 

Psalms 33:18

"But the Lord watches over all who honor Him and trust His kindness."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



I've never missed you as much as I do right now!

 

 

 

 

 

I woke up this morning and began my normal routine of stumbling blindly and half asleep to the coffee pot to make some "liquid gold".

 

I then turned on the computer to begin checking emails
 and walked down the hallway to wake the children so we could start our day.

 

About thirty minutes into our morning, the lights went out.

 

No electricity. Uuggh.

 

No electricity means no school work and we had a full agenda planned out for the day.

 

No worries. We shall do housework instead. This always makes me happy.

 

Except...

I noticed, as I began to clean,  that the water pressure was a little low.

I also noticed that the toilets girgled back at me when I flushed them.
Well that's weird.

 

Oh. no.

I got a bad feeling that this wasn't supposed to be happening.

 

I didn't worry about it and continued to pick up around the house.

 

About an hour and a half pass by, and "Alas!" our electricity turns back on.

 

Yippee! The schooling festivities can begin!

 

About this time, my husband calls.

He's working out of town for the week.

(insert sad face here)

 He called to see how things were going and if the electricity had turned back on or not.

 

I told him that it did in fact turn back on and mentioned that the water was acting funny.

 

To which he replies, "Oh, no."

 

To which I inquire, "What Oh, no?"

 

Realizing at that very moment what the "Oh, no" in fact means,

I say, gulping in fear,

 

"Oh. No!"

 

We live in the country and have our own water well.

 For some reason, unbeknownst to me,

each time our electricity turns off,
the water pump stops running and

we have to reprime our well.

 

This, my friend, is no easy task.

 My husband, my amazing husband, does it ALL the time,
without complaint.
 

But, where is my sweet husband, the problem solving-jack of all trades I married?

 

Not even in the state!

Oh! No!

My man has skills ya'll.
 He knows things that I didn't even know could be learned.
 He is so smart and intuitive and can do just about anything he sets his mind to do.

But, he's not here. It's just me.
 

I begin to panic, slowly.

Okay, more like rapidly.

So, my husband begins to tell me how to reprime the well.
Joy.

 

Let me just paint a picture for you...

 

I'm still in my pajamas.

Still sipping on a cup of coffee.

I hadn't brushed my hair

or my teeth

or had done anything else in the hygiene department at this point.

Those my friend, were my fashion plans for the day.

The whole day.

I'd hoped to get out of pajamas just to get into new ones later in the day.

That's it.

 

I hung up the phone and proceeded to get dressed to go outside and reprime the well.

 

I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth, because everyone knows it's just better to reprime a well, in the country, where nobody can see you...with your teeth brushed.

 

I turn on the faucet just in time to realize that now...

there is NO water.

None. Zilch. Notta. Not even a drop.

 

To which, I may or may not have shrieked in horror.

 

I then go outside to face the giant, AKA, the well.

 

Let me just interject right here,
 and say that I am not a wimpy diva-fied gal.

I'm not afraid of a little hard work or harsh conditions.

I love camping. I love the outdoors. I don't even mind sleeping in a tent if necessary.

I've helped my husband several times on his job,

 pushing wheel-barrels around filled with brick and mortar, going home with sand and dirt in places where...

well let's just say where there should NEVER be sand and dirt.

I've helped him remodel our house, enjoy working in the yard and completing projects around the house with him.

I can honestly say that I know my way around a tool box.

(We make a pretty great team.)

 

But today, I was alone and

I had no desire what-so-EVER to prove my wo-MAN-ly tough girl abilities.

None.

 

But, we had no water and we needed it. Badly.

 

Being that we did not have any water,

 I had to sneak over to the neighbor's house and borrow their water to reprime our well.

This meant I had to get our water hose and connect it to their water hose and then connect that hose to their water connection outside.

 

Seems fairly easy, right?

 

Wrong-O!

 

Their water connection did not have a knob to turn to open it,
so I had to get a crescent wrench to open the valve.

The only crescent wrench I could find belonged to our neighbor and it was all rusty and it wouldn't even budge to open.

I knew I needed to get the rust off and loosen it with some sort of greaser, and my husband had the WD40 in his work truck, which was out of the state!

So, I went inside and grabbed the Pam spray from the kitchen.

It worked!

 

It took a little while, but I finally got the wrench open and opened the water valve.

 

Then I proceeded to drag the water hoses to our yard and to our well.

 

Today was a really pretty day.
The sky was blue and the clouds were white and puffy like cotton.

 

But,

and I mean a big ole' BUT,

 there was wind.

 

Not a light relaxing breeze.

Wind.
Lots and lots of wind.

Hurricane force winds!

That's right. Hur! Ri! Cane!

 

My little guy came outside to help me and at one point he said,

"Mom, the wind is blowing so hard it feels like a tornado is going to fly out of the bushes at any moment!"

 

I'm not sure what he meant by fly out of the bushes, but you get the point.

 

It was strong!

 

It was also cold wind.  Freezing cold wind.

(Of course it was.)

 

Our yard was also sopping wet and muddy. It rained a monsoon last night.

(Of course it did.)

 

So there we were, me and my little guy, fighting the wind, the cold, and the mud.

Bleckkk!

 

After getting the water hose to the well, I called my husband for the rest of the directions.

 

I had to turn off the breaker to the well,  then unscrew two screws that opened valves and begin to put water in them to prime the well.

 

Easy right? Sure it is.

 

That is if I could only remember one simple thing.

 

I'm not sure what happened between getting the hose and the wrench and the wind and the cold and the not enough coffee and the no getting to brush my teeth and everything inbetween,

but I totally forgot something I have been teaching my children since they could talk.

 

Lefty loosey. Righty tighty.

 

Who doesn't know that?

 

Apparently I don't.

 

I tried for fifteen minutes straight to unscrew a screw the wrong way.

I swore to my husband, who asked me several times if I was turning it the right way, 

that I knew what I was doing.

 

But....ehemm...

ooops.

 

I finally unscrewed the screws to the valves,
poured the water in and finished the steps he told me,

word for word, step by step.

 

It was time to test it and see if I had done it correctly.

 

My son walks to the faucet, turns it on and...

no water.

 

I seriously thought for a few seconds,

"That's it. I'm done. We don't need water today. We can wait until he gets home."

 

Then I realized he wouldn't be home for several days.
Then I thought of the children.
Then I thought of me and my unhygiened self.

Nope, that won't do.

 

My husband then told me I would have to repeat the process all over again.

 

I. wanted. to. cry.

Like a tantrum, pre-school, three year old with an attitude cry.
 

By this time,

my hair was flying in my eyes from the wind,

my pants were soaked all the way up to my thighs,

my socks were soaked,

my shoes were so wet that they squished out water when I walked,

 I was cold and very aggravated.

I was spent. Simply spent.
I had been outside for an hour now, trying to get the water on.

 

My husband encouraged me on the phone to try it again,
"You can do it. Just try again. I know you can do this."
 

 

I did.

Without even thinking about it.
 I hurried through it without a thought and within 20 seconds,

I was done.

 

I walked over to the faucet, turned it on,

and there was water!!

 

Beautiful wonderful amazing clear water!
Woohooooo!!

 

My little guy started jumping up and down in our wet muddy yard, with his arms waving above him,

"We did it Mom! We made water!"

Oh man, it was such a great feeling!
 

I called my husband after I was finished.

He congratulated me for getting the well primed

 and told me how proud he was of me for not giving up.

I replied, 

"Thank you, but I've never missed you as much as I do right now!"

 

Today I realized, how much I appreciate him.
 

I don't want to ever take for granted how important my husband is.

He's not just the leader of our home, or the bread winner, or the muscle around the house.

 

At times...he's the lifeline that runs through it.

 

He's the one that keeps things working smoothly and the one that takes care of them when they don't.

 

He keeps our home safe and protected.

 

He does like the Father,

and keeps watch over our flock by day, and by night.
He stays up and watches over our house when the weather is bad.
He wakes the kids and brings them into our bed to keep them close to us. 

 

He prays for all of us. Every day.

He encourages me when I feel like giving up. He believes in me when I don't believe in myself.

 

He's that strong voice on the other end of the phone that gives me direction and comfort when I need it the most.

 

He has the heart of His Father.

 

He loves fearlessly.

He loves me. Oh, how he loves me.

I've never loved him as much as I do today.

I'm so thankful for God's hand on his life and ours.
I'm thankful that he chose my husband just for me, and just for our family.

(I'm really really glad he will be home in a couple of days!)
 

Thank you God for my sweet boy who helped me today.

Thank you God for water!

Thank you God for my amazing husband!
Thank you God for placing him as head of our home and guiding his steps along the way!
 

 

Thank You, Jesus, for being the Well that never runs dry.

 

Hug your husband today when he walks through the door from work.
Hold onto him for a while before letting go.
Tell him how much you value him as a person and as the leader of your home.
Tell him how much you appreciate all that he does.
Tell him how much you miss him when he is away.
Tell him you've never loved him as much as you do right now.

Love him fearlessly!


 

 Ephesians 5:22-24
 

 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

 

 



 

 

Exactly where I want to be.

 

 

 

We celebrated my honey's 40th birthday this past Wednesday.

 

It has left me reminiscing over our life together.

 

I spent yesterday afternoon going through photo albums looking at old and recent photos, and wondering how extremely fast time has flown by.

 

We were only 17 when we met.

 

Geeesh, we were babies then.

 

He walked into my Biology class and as soon as my eyes saw him,

I knew he would be mine.

 

I just knew.

 

My children say that this is the moment that I proceeded to "stalk" him over the next couple of weeks.

 

Stalk. That's such a strong word.

 

It wasn't like the weird stalking you see on CSI, 20/20 or something like that.

 

It was the innocent and sweet "I love you and I know you will love me. I think I need to have your babies." stalking.

 

Ehemm...

Yeah okay, that's still weird.

 

Let's just call it "pursuing".

 

Anywho...

so yeah, that's where we started.

 

Yadda, yadda, yadda...

 two years later on September 7th, 1991 we were husband and wife.

 

(It worked!)

 

This man has made my life worth living.

 

It hasn't always been easy for us,
but it has always been worth it.

He is a beautiful person and has a heart as big as the moon.
He has a heart for God's will and leads our home with great conviction.
He has walked through his life with great courage and I am honored to be beside him.
He is a problem solver and has the most creative mind of anyone I know.

He is gentle and strong.

He is strong enough to protect our home, deer hunt, change the oil on my car, fix the motor on his truck, remodel our home, and whatever else strong men do.

But on the other hand...

He is gentle enough to wipe the tears off his children's faces, pick them up when they have fallen, be silly with them, hold me when I have had a nightmare, cry on sappy movies with me, tear up when the kids give him homemade birthday cards and when his daughter sings a new song with her guitar.

The other day...
I watched him as he tried for 30 minutes to revive a sick kitten that our momma cat had, while our two youngest looked on with tears in their eyes.
He then took the little kitten, put her in a box, and buried her in the back yard.
Two nights later, he held me close to him as I lay in bed crying over the second little kitten that didn't make it...only to get up and repeat the burying process a second time.

He never once made fun of me for crying hysterically over a 5 day old kitten.

He just looked at me and said,
"I love your heart. It's so big that even animals have a place in it."

I just might have fallen in love with him all over again in that moment.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!

I love you more and more each day.

Your life is worth celebrating!

I'm glad your heart was big enough to have a place for me in it,
because that is exactly where I want to be.


Song of Solomon 8:6

Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
 for love is as strong as death,
 its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Victory is sweet!

 

  

 

 

Jeremiah 29:11-13

---

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

 

 

 

I write this post,

sitting comfortably on my Dad's plushy beige couch.

 

 

I haven't been myself these past few days.

 

At least that's what my husband keeps telling me.

 

This first bothered me when I heard him say it,

and I got angry and offended.

 

Then after marinating on it for a little while,

as I often do...

I realized (painfully) that he was right.

 

My thoughts seem to be all over the place.

 

 

Today makes five days that we have been away from home.

 

Hurricane Isaac entered the gulf and headed our way,

so we decided to take a few days away to visit my dad and step mom as a nice getaway and to flee the oncoming doom of the storm.

 

The storm didn't hit us directly, but the winds and rain knocked out our power and it has been out ever since.

 

No power means no water.

 

No power and no water makes for a cranky little family,

so we opted to stay at my Dad's until our power is restored.

 

Which still,

has not happened.

 

Although I am enjoying the visit with my parents, and they have opened up their home to us as if it were our own...

 

I am out of my element and feel all discombobulated.

 

Hence...I'm just not myself.

 

I even began to make preparations for my own little pity party-party of one,

 being that tomorrow is my birthday and due to the storm...

my previous plans have been cancelled, washed out, blown away with the wind...

you get what I'm saying.

 

So there I was,

ready to stretch out my rubber band on my little pity party hat and tuck it tightly under my chin,

when...

 

I looked to my right and saw my sweet husband sitting on the side of me.

He glanced at me, smiled and grabbed my hand in his squeezing it tightly.

 

I exhaled a huge breath of air and thought to myself,

 

"Oh ye, of little thanks."

 

Yep. That's me.

 

I remembered within those few seconds where I was four years ago almost to the exact day.

The. exact. day.

 

It was August of 2008 and Hurricane Gustav was heading straight for us.

 

My husband and I had separated just four days before.

Our family was divided and broken.

 

I decided to grab the kids, a load of food, their baby pictures, some important papers, a weeks worth of clothes, my dog, and my very broken and confused heart and head to my Dad's house to avoid the storm in the gulf, and in my life.

 

Things were bad, really bad, between my husband and I.

 

The word hate left my lips way more than the word love did those days.

 

 

The day after I arrived at my Dad's house, we packed up and left for Texas to evacuate the storm even further.

 

The next day, the storm hit...on my birthday. 

 I was on my own with my three kids,

 an entire state away from our home,

and desperate to find some sort of peace in my life.

Looking for a Love that didn't cause pain anymore.

 

 

I longed to hear God's voice of direction within the midst of such a huge storm.

Within such a huge mess that had become my life.

 

 

It came...

that Voice. that Peace. that Love.

 

 

And now here I sit,

four years later,

at my Dad's house,

in the aftermath of a hurricane,

the day before my 40th birthday,

with the man that I love.

 

Once again He brings me full circle.

 

Oh how I love this man of mine!
I have so much to be thankful for.

I never imagined I could love him so much.

My companion,

my lover,

my best friend,

my partner,

my husband,
my future.

 

 

These days,

I can't stop telling him "I love you" .

 

And hate,

 is just a bad friend who isn't allowed to visit anymore.

 

 

After pondering all that we've have been through to get to where we are,

and all the places that we have gone together,

 

I realized that it was no coincidence that God had me in the same place I was four years ago,

but this time,

 sitting beside the man of my dreams.

 

It was to remind me where He brought me (us) from.

 

It was to remind me to be thankful even in the midst of a storm.

 

To truly see the blessings around me in spite of the winds that blow from time to time.

 

To realize what really matters.

To see and appreciate, with an open heart,

the little things,

that are actually BIG things.

 

 

I've learned that

God will often bring us to the ruins, so that we can stand in the rubble,

smell the dust around our feet,

and realize as we are standing there...

that we are doing just that,

standing there.

 

And as we are standing in the ruins, that we once knelt down in at our weakest moments,

we can then see from a higher view,

where He planned on taking us in the first place...

 

into victory.

 

 

I'm thankful today to stand in the ruins of what used to be,

and be able to see now where He has brought me from and intended to bring me all along.

 

Take it from me...

Victory is sweet!

 

 

Happy day before my Birthday to me!!

 

 

God is good...oh so good,

and He is so good to me!! 

 

Psalm 34:8
Taste and see that the Lord is good.


 



Never say never, never, never.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that

                     something else is more important than fear.                   

 ~~ Ambrose Redmoon

 

 

"I'm never going to fly. Never, never, never! 

God is going to have to do something really big for me to get on a plane."

I giggle to myself as I type those words.

I remember how my husband felt as we discussed the possibility of flying.

He had made up his mind, and he wasn't changing it...

ever.

I love how God pursues us,

even in the places we would least expect.

He looks for us, moment my moment, wooing us to Himself.

More often than none...

He finds us in the darkest of places,

in the weakest of moments,

and

in the scariest of fears.

He goes to the pit with us and isn't afraid to sit in the midst of the dust with us.

He calls us to those situations that will bring out our courage,

overcoming the things that we feared in the first place.

He goes into the fire with us,
being our strength,
and helping us to become courageous.

Giving us the strength not to leave the fire,
but to stand up in it despite the heat of the flames.

He will bring us straight to our fear,
not to be defeated by it,
but to overcome it.

Not to make us weaker,
but to make us stronger.

Then, He refines us within it.
The fire, our fear,  being the very thing that brings out His greatness in us.

courageous~possessing or displaying bravery, valiant, able to face and deal with danger or fear without flinching, expressing courage.



My heart palpitated loudly as he hugged me tightly.

His small blue backpack draped over his shoulder and his sunglasses sitting firmly on top his head,
as he approached the airport terminal.

The kids and I looked on as his figure became smaller and smaller the closer he reached the gate.

He turned around to look at us one last time,
and he grinned a grin I had never seen before.

His courage peaking out for us to see.


God did that something.

That something big.

And because of that big thing, my sweet husband boarded a plane yesterday to fly across the country to begin a new journey.

One that has God's fingerprints all over it.


One that is so great, that I am still trying to wrap my head around it.



Psalm 23:3
He gives me new strength.
He leads me on paths that are right for the good of His name.


He pursued my husband in his fear,
and together...

they are courageous.

He called me when he landed at his destination.
With a voice overflowing with excitement he said,

"Never in my mind, did I think I would ever fly through the clouds.  You should have seen them.  It was beautiful."


Never say never,
never,
never...

because you never know when or where God will call you to be courageous,
turning your fear into something beautiful.

Daniel 3:16-28

Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego replied to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to give you an answer concerning this matter. If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”

 Then Nebuchadnezzar was filled with wrath, and his facial expression was altered toward Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego. He answered by giving orders to heat the furnace seven times more than it was usually heated.  He commanded certain valiant warriors who were in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego in order to cast them into the furnace of blazing fire. 

Then these men were tied up in their trousers, their coats, their caps and their other clothes, and were cast into the midst of the furnace of blazing fire.  For this reason, because the king’s command was urgent and the furnace had been made extremely hot, the flame of the fire slew those men who carried up Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego.  But these three men, Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, fell into the midst of the furnace of blazing fire still tied up.
 
Then Nebuchadnezzar the king was astounded and stood up in haste; he said to his high officials, “Was it not three men we cast bound into the midst of the fire?” They replied to the king, “Certainly, O king.”  He said, “Look! I see four men loosed and walking about in the midst of the fire without harm, and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the god. 

Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the door of the furnace of blazing fire; he responded and said, “Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, come out, you servants of the Most High God, and come here!”

Then Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego came out of the midst of the fire. The satraps, the prefects, the governors and the king’s high officials gathered around and saw in regard to these men that the fire had no effect on the bodies of these men nor was the hair of their head singed, nor were their trousers damaged, nor had the smell of fire even come upon them.

 Nebuchadnezzar responded and said, “Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, who has sent His angel and delivered His servants who put their trust in Him, violating the king’s command, and yielded up their bodies so as not to serve or worship any god except their own God."

Dying to live.

Psalm 23:4

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Christmas Eve

26 days ago I couldn't even hold a pen to simply write my name on the hospital admittance sheet.

 Today, I write my story to share with you.

For those of you who don't know, I am Tammy's husband Frankie, and I suffered a stroke that pretty much crippled my right side, from top to bottom.

I thought to myself,

"Well this is it.

This is how it all ends.

Why now God?

Why right before Christmas?

Who would take care of my family?

What would a Christmas be with them having to deal with a father and a husband's death?"

A final whisper came through my mind,

"Their Father will take care of them all",

and a sudden relief came from knowing, that all of my children and my wife had been born again through Jesus Christ.

And no matter what became of me, they would be taken care of by their Ultimate Father.

Although now,

 it was time to deal with my relationship with the Father.

If this was my final day on earth, was I prepared as I thought I was?

Why was he taking me in my 38th year of my life?

What did I do so bad that I deserved this?

I didn't know it at the time, but He was just scaring me enough, so I would listen with all of my heart.

Not like all the times before,

when I listened to Him until I was satisfied at the results in my life, and then went about living it my way.

He wanted me this time, to go the full hundred yards, not dropping the ball.

That night in the hospital, I was woken up by His Spirit and the nurses alot.

I made God a promise, that if I could have one more chance, I would live out the rest of my years on earth for Him, being I lived the first 38 for me.

I had said this many times before, but this time it came from a place far deep inside my soul,that I didn't even know I had.

The prayer I said to Him was really different than all the rest, that I can't even explain it.

And this time,

I knew somehow it was going to be different.

Through God's strength, it was going to be different.

The day after, the doctor came by my hospital room and confirmed that I would be able to make a full recovery, although it was going to take alot of therapy.

He said,

"Take this is a warning. It is time to make some changes."

Quit smoking, diet change, and other things. I had been a smoker since I was 14 years old.
  This alone was going to take a miracle.
  This same lecture was given to me by random nurses, who I seen the Spirit of God living in,

speaking directly to me.

I took it all in, listening with all of my heart.

When I was released the next evening, the doctor asked me if I wanted him to write an order for the nicotine patch to help me. I told him no. If I was going to do this, I wanted all of my strength to come from leaning on God.

That evening when I got home, I asked my wife, of 20 years, to pray with me for the Holy Spirit to come into my life.

Something I had never done with her in our 22 years together, pray.

Oh, the chains that came loose!

But, it still seemed to me that there was more He wanted me to receive.

I felt this before, but still felt I needed more.

I asked my wife to call a couple of life long friends of ours to come help us pray for the Holy Spirit to come into my life and take over.

"The Reinforcements" arrived.

We visited a little while and then Brother Dennis said let's pray.

Brother Dennis, his wife, my wife, and my son began to pray.

And Oh my!

I felt a fire coming out of me from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head.

I began crying, sobbing, and my muscles weakened.

It was like someone was ringing my whole body out like a cheap sponge.

After minutes of this, it stopped and I was left weak, but amped up at the same time.

I began to say to my friends how awesome it was, but I still didn't get the gift of speaking in tongues.

They all began laughing and said,

"Oh boy, but you were speaking in tongues!"

I began giggling out loud, because I never knew I had spoke in the Spirit. 

That's why this time felt so different than any other.

I truly released, for the first time in my life, all the things that I thought I let go of many times.

The chains of bondage were finally cut and melted down.

It would take an entire book to explain my life and all the things that had kept me bound, so I'm not even gonna try.

The important thing is, I was finally free!

 

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

~~Lyrics of Amazing Grace, My Chains are Gone, by Chris Tomlin

The next few weeks were going to be a challenge, from learning how to wait on the right side of my body to move seconds after my brain commanded it to, to simply going to the bathroom. 

I had many things to reteach myself.

I am a brick mason by trade, so I am used to being very coordinated.

Let's just say, alot of tears were shed just trying to do the simple things, such as walking the dogs, shaving, brushing my teeth, and cooking myself an egg, much less using my tools.

But, with God's strength I was able to endure, and things started to repair themselves.

Then the fear of,

 "Oh my God, my bills! What am I going to do?" entered my mind.

I began praying and He simply answered,

"Let Me work."

 

I seen my wife, who is always very faithful, worrying more than she should, and I told her,

"There is nothing we can do.  We need to rely on God and only God.  He knew this stroke was going to happen. He will take care of us."

So, we prayed, and comforted each other, knowing we had only what we started this relationship with 22 years ago, God and our love for Him, and one another.

And without asking for help from anyone but God, the next day things started to happen.

A job, that I could take my time with, came into my lap after a year of not getting a call for a side job, that I would have no choice but to go slow with, and slowly be able to rebuild my skills, had come through.

I could do it without anyone around to get embarassed with.

  I could take my time and reteach myself.

Someone went into our bank and paid out our land mortgage.

We were blessed with enough money to make up for my time lost at work, through a friend and the generosity of her place of her employment.

We were blessed with groceries to get us by, from another wonderful friend we knew through my wife.

Every day something new.

Ever day another blessing.

Again, never asking anyone but God to take care of us, and knowing that He would.

Our church stepped forward and paid our electric bill.

Some awesome people in our church stepped forward and offered to take care of Christmas for me and my family.

It was all so much to take in.

Our lives were touched by God in so many different ways.

And I know, I am leaving out alot of blessings, but there are so many to mention.

Through our prayers, God showed His love through people I didn't really know at all.

But, this showed me that they didn't have to know me, they just had to know God, who led them to help His son,

their brother in Christ,

who called on the Father for help from the inner most part of his soul.

There are other blessings that came, such as healed relationships with my children, that are far too much to mention.

But...

for the first time in my life,

I can truly say that I have felt the love of a True Father that I have longed for my entire life!

And now that I have found it,

I never want to let it go!

This by far,

is the true meaning of Christmas, and the best one in all of my 38 years.

Thank you Jesus and Happy Birthday!

To anyone reading this, who is heavy hearted by my story, please don't let God have to scare you this much, to realize His love for you.

He is ready to come into your life as soon as you are willing to let Him.

Blessed be the Lord!

Love to all my brothers and sisters.

Merry Christmas!

Frankie Stelly

*Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts!

Romans 10:13

Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.