Just a little is too much.

1 Samuel 15:22
But Samuel replied:

“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the Lord?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams."

Cross references:

1. 1 Samuel 15:22 : Ps 40:6-8; 51:16; Pr 21:3; Isa 1:11-15; Jer 7:22; Hos 6:6; Am 5:25; Mic 6:6-8; S Mk 12:33

 

 I was standing in the laundry room of my job, folding a towel,

when God spoke to my heart to begin homeschooling my children.

Although it was almost two years ago,
I remember it like it was just yesterday.
His voice was clear and could not have been mistaken for my own.

This new plan was not something I would have suggested for myself, or for my family.

Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew it was God.

He was very specific.

He said,
"You will stop working and homeschool your children."

Pretty easy to understand, right?

The thing is, I didn't listen. I didn't obey.

Yes,
I homeschool my children, and have ever since He told me to do so.

But,
I never, all the way let go of the "working" part.

Sure,
I quit my job that I was currently working in.

But soon after,
and before our brand new homeschooling life began,
I started to work again.

When school began,
I had to slack off because I couldn't handle both.

(This should have been an indicator for me.)

It was just way too consuming to do both and it was getting the best of me,
and my kids.

I quit all of the jobs I worked at that time...
except one.

I was determined to hold on to one, just one.

It gave me a little extra spending money for the kids and I.
Fieldtrip money, gas for my car, a movie here and there, lunch in town...and whatever else I could help out with.
In my mind it made sense to keep that one job.
No harm, no foul, right?

A few weeks ago, while at work,
God reminded me of that moment in the laundry room a couple of years ago.

I was cleaning the bathroom sink and His voice was just as clear as it was that day a couple of years ago...

"You will stop working and homeschool your children."

In a know it all sort of way,
I answered...
"I know. I did."

There was silence, and my spirit felt a quickening.
 Then it hit me.
I was still working.

Conviction began to hit my spirit and it battled with the "ifs" and "whats" for a while in my mind.

I couldn't stop thinking about it for the days and weeks that followed.

There I stood,
disobeying God.

It didn't matter if I had stopped working my first job, or all of the others after.

The truth was, that I was still working.
Still disobeying.
Disobedience is sin, therefore I was holding onto my sin.


My stubborn flesh began to worry and question God's intentions,

"How do I quit? I love my job. I love my boss. Where will I get that extra spending money?"

It wasn't much but it was something that helped me feel like I was contributing.

I struggled with letting go of it, even though I knew  what I needed to do.

Conviction continued to grow.

I even spoke to my daugher about it, telling her I knew I needed to quit it.

But still, I didn't quit.

I don't know why, but I just couldn't let go of it.
I even began to wonder what the big deal was.

"It's just one job and a small one at that. I quit everything else. Surely this one isn't a big deal."

I made my disobedience make sense within my own mind.
I fanoogled my way around not doing what I knew God wanted me to do.

Don't we do that?
Don't we make excuses for our sin?
Don't we make it look like we need our sin?
 Don't we fanoogle around what we should do and make it look like we are doing it?

God isn't fooled by our sin. Never has been. Never will be.

Well...
God wasn't fooled by my disobedience.
That job, is no more.

I wish I could say that I obeyed God and finally made the decision to quit it,
but I can't.

I can say humbly and with great conviction,
that God did what my stubborn will was refusing to do.

I received a text from my boss on Saturday saying that she no longer needed me working for her.
Say what?!
Their lives are changing and she isn't going to be needing me anymore.

She told me what a great job I had done, said it was a pleasure to get to know me, said she had never had anyone work so hard for her before, apologized over and over, and said it probably didn't make sense to me why she was letting me go.

But, I knew... it made perfect sense.

The thing is...
God wants my best. He wants our best.
He wants all of me. He wants all of you.
He wants me whole and as long as I hold onto just a little bit of what is not good for me,
 I am not whole.

Sure, maybe the job wasn't doing harm to me, but my disobeying God was.


Just a little disobedience is still disobedience.

Just like...
just a little lie is still a lie.
just a little hate is still hate.
just a little greed is still greed.
just a little unforgiveness is still unforgiveness.
just a little sin is still sin.
just a little mud will still make you dirty.
just a little weed will still infect your entire garden.
just a little dipping of your toes in forbidden waters will still make you wet.

Just a little is too much.

It didn't matter if I thought it didn't make sense for me to quit that one little job,
it mattered to God.
What matters to God should matter to me.
He has a plan for my life that I shouldn't question.
I need to just trust Him and know that He holds my future
 no matter what.

My husband got home from work shortly after I received the text.
I wasn't sure what his reaction would be at me losing my little job.

I myself, had begun to have an unexplainable peace about it.
I was actually relieved. It was like a weight had been lifted, even if it was only a small one.

I told my husband and his reaction was this,
"Well, I guess that settles it. You are needed more here than you are there. Maybe God is opening up your schedule for something else." 

I was shocked and asked him why he wasn't upset over it.

He responded,
"Maybe that's just something you've been needing to let go of anyway."

Bamm!

I smiled a huge grin and knew God's hand was on us.

I realized, the more I thought about it, that my disobedience was all about control.

I wanted to hold onto just a little bit of control.

Even though it was just a little income and just a little job,
I knew that if I let go of it,
I had to trust God completely to provide what I contributed.

In not doing that, I limited God and put Him in the preverbial box.

He wants the control. All of it.
He shouldn't settle for anything less.
He gave us ALL of Himself, shouldn't we do the same?

Galatians 2:20

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God. who loved me and gave himself for me.

He wants us to be willing to do whatever it is He asks us to do.
He wants us to drop whatever we must, let go of whatever we need to,
lay it down completely...
and follow Him.
(Matthew 19:21)


He wants our trust.
He wants us to know that He has us in His hands.
  All of us. Every part.


Everything God ever asks you to do, even if it's difficult,
He asks because He has something great in mind for you.
~~Joyce Meyer


I believe that God has something great planned
 for this new season of finally, and officially, being unemployed.

I believe that He has opened up my time to be more present for my family
 and most importantly,
to do more for Him.

I want to give Him the best of me, not just what's left over.

He deserves all of me!

We sang this song yesterday during our worship service.
It ministered to my heart and met me right where I was.

Maybe,
it will minister to you.


 

 



Not our will...

 

 

 

Praying this anthem over our family and home

 while the new year approaches...

 

as God continues to change our lives

and bring us closer to Him.

 

 

"Here we stand our hearts are Yours,

not our will,

but Yours be done."

 

 

 

May you have a happy and blessed weekend!

 

 



The 3D Mom

 

Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,
 and all these things will be given to you as well.

 

I find myself feeling very 3-dimensional lately.

 

It's much different than the usual feelings of emotion

 that move and flow through my life on a daily basis.

 

I've had the privelege of being a mom to three amazing and awesome young people.

 

They have stretched my life and heart in ways unimaginable and I am better because of it.
I should have known when they were born into my life to take space within my heart, that the stretching was bound to happen to make room for more Love.

 

Their love, in many ways, has healed me.

But, I have wondered what God is up to from time to time in this whole mothering thing.

I've asked Him...
"Ughh, are you sure I can bend that way God? Because it feels like I'm just going to break right here, right now, in this very spot."

On some days, I actually have been broken...
but He is quick to pick me up and mend my brokenness, only making me stronger because of it.

Using my weakness to bring out strength.
 

He has challenged me in ways that I did not expect,

 like where I am right now.

 

There is a 5 to 6 year gap between each of my children.

 

A gap that I have well appreciated over the years.

One that I know God planned out perfectly just for our family.

 

And lately,

it's the one thing that has made me feel 3-dimensional.

They are all so very different and require something different from me in this particular season of life.

Dimension 1:
 

My oldest daughter has been out of our house for a year and a half now.

She began her second year of Master's Commission (Bible College) this past September.

She will be 20 years old in January.

 

And as I type that number above, I let out a big sigh.

 

A sigh of... "Where has the time gone? Where did my little blonde curly haired girl go?"

 

She is an amazing young woman who is filled with such greatness.

She is determined to change the world around her and

fulfill the calling on her life no matter what the cost.

 

Her love for God runs deep and thick within her veins

and pulsates the heart that beats inside her chest.

She is creative and talented and has a true compassion for others.
She has no idea how beautiful and amazing she is, her humility is genuine.
But, she radiates. Simply radiates.
 

I am one proud Momma of that brilliant girl.

 

Our relationship has changed over the past year or so.

She needs me but doesn't need me all at the same time.

 

She needs my heart and my ears to listen to her go on and on about her days and what God has done in and through her. 

 

She explains her goings-on with such passion and zest and feeling and

I love her for that.

 

She still needs my advice and my direction,
 but done gently, sort of in the shadows,
and in a way that I haven't had to before.

She needs me... to let go, but hold on.
 

She needs me to let her find her own way now,

and be there to help her if she needs a direction every now and then.

 

Oh yes,

our relationship has changed...

but I feel it's for the better.

 

I feel it's what she needs,

what I need.

 

It's the letting go but holding on just enough.

 

 Just enough.

I remember the way I felt a little over a year ago when she left home.  On the ride home I felt as though my heart had been ripped from my chest and I could not breathe in those moments.  I cried with my entire body feeling as though my soul was being emptied out.
The days and weeks after would get worse as I saw the emptiness in our home that she once filled with her laughter, her beautiful voice echoing through the halls as she sang and played her guitar in worship to her Savior, and her sweet smile.

My heart felt torn between who she was becoming and who God was calling me to be.

I thought those feelings would last forever.

I walked into the bathroom at church this past Sunday and saw my sweet friend crying, because she too had recently saw her son off to college the same way, and her heart was still raw where it had been torn with goodbyes.

I hugged her and said,
"It's okay to feel sad right now and this too shall pass.  One day you will celebrate where he is and your heart will heal."

I realized with those few words spoken, that that is just where I was now.

Even though there are days that I miss her so very much and I find myself staring at her empty chair at the kitchen table wishing things to be the way they once were,

I can now celebrate where she is and where I am.
My heart has healed.

What a gift to be her Mom, what a gift to be right where we are today.


Dimension 2:

My second daughter is 15.

This girl has rocked my world.

She couldn't be more opposite from her older sister,
but she is every bit as great and brilliant.

I learned through this young girl that no two children are alike and no two children can be parented the same.

She is unique in every way and I love her so much for that.

She is creative and passionate in all areas of life.
She is not just the brightness of the sun,
but she is the moon...
and if she had it her way,
she'd walk it one day.

She is adventurous and clever and her sweetness is felt by everyone she comes in contact with.

Her love for God is gentle and pure,
not outspoken...
but very personal.

She's beginning to find her way in who she is in Him
 and it has unlocked even more greatness within her.

 

 She needs me in the now. Today, right here.
She needs me to keep her life balanced as it wants to toss her around with new emotions,
choices and challenges.

She needs me to tell her "no" when her strong will screams "yes" to something that might not be the best for her.

Those days aren't always my favorite,
and they tear me in bits and sometimes drain me of all my energy causing me to hold my breath in emotional exhaustion.

But when she comes to me later waving her little white flag of surrender,
sometimes hidden in a little smile
or the tiny gesture of wanting me to sit in her room with her as she folds her clothes
or even in handing me half of her Smores Pop-tart,
I know, that my heart will live another day.

That we, her and I, are growing together.

Being her Mom has blessed my heart to overflowing.
This girl, in all her wonder,
will one day change the world around her.

Dimension 3:

My son just made 10 years old.
Yes, double digits. Meaning, no more little ones in our home.
I sigh, again.

He is the sweetest, most gentle creature I have ever met.

He came to us at a time when the hope for our growing family had ceased.

You would think that by now, I would be some sort of a pro at this whole mothering thing, but the rasing of this man child has definitely stretched me.

Girls I know, well somewhat, because I am one.
But this whole boy thing?

Wow.

How does a female raise a future man, leader of his one day family and home?

How?

I'm not all sure on most days, but I'm learning a little more every day.

I've actually begun reading,
Hope for the Weary Mom: Where God Meets You in Your Mess, A Guide to Raising Godly Men.

I know I won't find all the answers I seek within the pages of this book.
That can only be found in hiding myself in His grace, in His Word and in His presence,
but I do hope to find something that makes me feel a little more normal in my worry of what to do, or what to say, or how to breathe in all of this.


I've definitely mellowed out a bit with my son and have allowed my own mistakes to embrace the Grace that God has so freely given to me.

My little guy has made me smile until my face hurts.
He has the most contagious laugh.
He gives the best hugs.

He, has been my friend.

He is intelligent, yet quiet and courageous and very eager to find his way.

He asks me all the time what his gift is.

He wants so much to know his God-given purpose.
Even at such a young age,
he desires to know God and make Him known.

He lives and breathes video games and soccer,
 from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed at night.

The other day we were at soccer practice.
I watched him from my lawn chair as he listened intently at the other children talking around him.

He is so much like his father...a man of few words.

But when he speaks, you'd better believe what he says will have great depth, emotion and meaning.

I watch him listening to them, and I see the love in his eyes for his friend as one of them begins to down himself and his ability to be goalie in the next soccer game.

His little blue eyes filled with compassion stare on as he listens to his friend, never interupting him.

And then I see him put his little hand on the space behind his friend's neck rubbing his back, comforting him.

I hear him quietly say,
"You are a great goalie. You just have to believe in yourself."

My heart melts.

He holds the same characteristic as His Savior.
He is a friend among men.
An encourager.

He needs me, all of me, every day, all the time.

He has been this Momma's heart's delight.


So here I am, the 3D Mom.

Raising and loving three kids, who are all very different in mind, emotion, needs and age.
Whose life and heart is being stretched and pulled on some days...
yet fulfilled and blessed on most.

I find comfort in knowing that God is here with me every step of the way,
gently drawing me closer to Him,
 as I gently guide them closer to Him.

Being 3-dimensional means having more depth in the way you
 see and feel something. It gives you the opportunity of embracing something from all angles and all areas. 

3D allows you to have the full effect of something.

The full effect.

God has surely given me the full 3D effect as their Mom.
They have made me challenge myself, doubt myself, and love myself all in the same day.
They have brought out dimensions that I never even knew existed.
They have caused me to feel emotions I never knew I could.
They have caused me to love harder and feel stronger.
I would not be who I am without them.
 I feel blessed to embrace all of 3 of them in every season of their life and mine.

These 3 kids of mine have awakened my soul to new heights and more love than I could ever imagine.

They take up space within my heart and my life and
I wouldn't have it any other way.

We are heart roomies for life!

I want to embrace and see and feel it all.
Every ounce.

So, I'll continue doing my best to find my way in this whole mothering thing.
This wonderful and crazy journey, that shifts and winds and turns on the blink of an eye.

This unimaginable path, I have been honored to be on.

This Mom thing...them needing me to LOVE them with all that I am,
is the best thing,
ever.


Micah 6:8

But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women.
It's quite simple:
Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don't take yourself too seriously--take God seriously.

How has motherhood stretched you?

Do you ever feel like a 3D Mom?

Please feel free to share in the comment section below.











 

 

 

 



Breath of Life

 

 

 

Isaiah 42:5

 

God's Message,
the God who created the cosmos, stretched out the skies,
laid out the earth and all that grows from it,
Who breathes life into earth's people,
makes them alive with his own life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I borrowed this from a fellow blogger today.

 

It spoke directly to my heart...

 

In my need to be busy and get things done,

 I sometimes find myself out of breath from trying to just keep up.

 

How quickly I forget, that He is the Breath of Life.

In Him will I find my rest and my strength.

 

With His own life has He made me alive.

 

 

 

May the words of my friend Elora Ramirez at A Deeper Story help you find rest in Him today.

 

 

Sitting in Silence

 

 

We don’t rest well.

We work and come home and eat and watch some television and retreat to our rooms to start everything all over again in a few hours. On weekends, we rest by shopping. We’re constantly doing and I’ve realized in falling trap to the push to be something, I’ve lost the whispers of His heart for me.

 

When I rest, and by rest I mean sitting in silence and listening to His heartbeat, my creativity soars. Words flow. I feel centered – complete. And the minute I try and reach for that control – the doing and fixing and thinking and worrying – my eyes droop, my shoulders tense, my words stutter.

Almost makes me think there’s something to this resting and abiding - like He wants to be our Breath of Life. Our Muse. Our Restoration.

 

Take time to find His heartbeat today. Find a quiet space away from the noise and let your soul rest in the silence. Hands open, eyes closed – let Him close enough to hear those whispers.

 

 

 

 

John 15:7

 

If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you,

you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.

 

 

 

Do it afraid.

Psalm 135:1-7

Praise the LORD.
Praise the name of the LORD;
praise him, you servants of the LORD,
you who minister in the house of the LORD,
  in the courts of the house of our God.
  Praise the LORD, for the LORD is good;
sing praise to his name, for that is pleasant.
For the LORD has chosen Jacob to be his own,
Israel to be his treasured possession.
 I know that the LORD is great,
that our Lord is greater than all gods.
The LORD does whatever pleases him,
in the heavens and on the earth,
  in the seas and all their depths.
He makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth;
he sends lightning with the rain
and brings out the wind from his storehouses.

I've been pregnant for over a year.

Now before you go gasping and freaking out on me, let me explain.

I'm not with child in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense.

The thing is, like the television series...

I didn't know I was pregnant!!

I've been having a reocurring dream over the past year that I was pregnant.

In my dream, this baby was big...huge!

I gained 70 pounds for my first child.
 I was far from a tiny cute pregnant woman with a volleyball sized belly.

I was much more like Shamoo the whale...but more bloated.

In my dreams of being pregnant...I was even bigger than that!!

I remember about six months ago, when our lives were changing all around us, I received a call from my sister.

She told me that she had a dream that I was pregnant.
She explained how in the dream I was covering my belly with a blanket.

I giggled and asked if I was embarassed and maybe trying to hide the pregnancy.

She began to explain that God had revealed to her what the blanket was about.

It was His covering.
As long as I covered my pregnancy under that blanket, then it was safe from harm.

She told me in urgency...
"Don't come out from underneath Him.  Stay as close to Him as you can.  You are going to birth something huge and He will keep you protected as long as you stay underneath His covering."

She had no idea at the time, that I had been dreaming that I was pregnant.

I told her what I had been dreaming about, and we both cried and praised God together for His revelation.

I must admit,
 I was a little afraid at the time...
not knowing just what I would be giving birth to.

What was all of this about?

I continued to dream.

I continued to be pregnant in those dreams.

Then, a few weeks ago, the labor pains began.

I wrote my testimony on my blog.

It was something God had been placing on my heart to do for a while.
I struggled with it.
It was painful and hard, but I knew it was time to write it during this season of my life.
He showed me very loudly that I needed to share it.

God has done great things since I wrote that blog.
He has begun to plant an urgency in my heart to share it over and over again.


One week after I wrote it,
I began to dream that I was holding a baby in my arms.
I've dreamed it several times over the past few weeks.
I've never seen the baby's face, because the baby has always been wrapped tightly in a blanket.

Fear returned.
I began to question God.


What's going on?
 What's happening? 
 I'm not sure I'm ready for what is about to happen Lord.
What if I mess up because I don't know what I'm doing?
Are you sure?


I attended our annual Joie de Vivre women's conference at our church this past weekend.
I prayed during the worship service before the speaker began.
I knew what God was placing on my heart, and I asked Him to reveal Himself to me during the message.

I pleaded with Him...
"Speak to my heart Lord.  Remove all doubt from my mind and give me a revelation that this is from You. Speak to me audibly if You have to."


We had the privilige of hearing Charlotte Gambill preach a powerful message.

Her message was about the six women who were involved with the early life of Moses.

The message was titled, "Push".

She explained how these six women, the midwives, the mothers, the sister, the delivererers to the deliverer...

were gathered together in time to birth something God had placed within Moses' mother.

He had a plan to deliver His people,
and all six of them played a part in that delivery.

She explained the difficulty and fear of birth,
and the encouragement those women brought to bring forth the plan of God.


Needless to say,
I was a complete mess!!

It's a good thing that I sat in the very last row of the auditorium,
because I may have been removed from the room otherwise.

My heart was heavy and full and excited and fearful all at the same time.
I was reminded of the women God had placed in my life just a few short months before, that had encouraged me just a few days before the conference to share my story.

We had gathered for lunch one day.
I told them that some friends of ours had invited me and my family to share my story at their church.
I expressed my fear and reservation to them.
They rallied around me with their love and encouragement, pushing me to move forward into the next season God had prepared for me.

One of them spoke sweetly to me, but with urgency,

"Just do it.  Do it scared and each time will be easier."


As I sat in that back row, eyes flowing with tears, doubtful fear reentered my mind.

I cried to the Lord quietly in my seat,
"I know this is what You want.  I know this is You speaking to me. It's been You all along.  These dreams were You...all You.  But, I'm afraid God.  How do I do this if I am afraid?"


The next words she spoke would awaken my spirit...

"Do it afraid.  Things don't work according to our limitations, but His ability."



John 10:27
My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow me.



Pregnancy can be uncomfortable, and even scarey sometimes.
The delivery can be filled with some very painful moments.
But the delivery always brings forth LIFE.
And most of the time, that LIFE comes out screaming and crying,
but it's still LIFE!
God breathed LIFE.
And after all of the crying is done, and you hold that life in your arms...
the sweet aroma of that birth tickles your nose,
and He has you right where He wants you.

You are in His love embrace!

Then you realize it was all worth it...each pain, each tear that fell, all the fear, each agonizing push!

Because you are left,
holding LIFE in your hands!

Pure sweet life!

He is that life!!

And for that reason...

I will do it afraid.

Phillippians 4:13
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.


I sat nestled in my recliner early this morning with a warm cup of coffee in hand.

I smiled as I relived the past few days and the words God had spoken into my life.

Oh the sweetness He brings to me in His covering!

I opened my laptop and read a blog I read a few times a week.

He used her words to speak life to me once again...

So I’m asking and trusting Him for the courage to do it afraid, to seek the healing in the heartache, to show me parts of myself I’ve lost, and to reveal parts of Himself I’ve never seen.

~~Alece Ronzino

What is God urging you to do today?

I encourage you...to do it afraid.

Allow God to bring forth His life in you!!

My year of Being Still.

Revelation 5:5
Then one of the elders said to me, "Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed. He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals."



At the beginning of the year, I was challenged by a friend to Name my Year.

I was to name my year something that I wanted to see come to pass in my life, something I needed to declare for myself.


Now, I've been challenged to write about my year and explain how naming it has, or hasn't, made a difference, and if I allowed the name of my year to take life within my heart.

I named my year,

The year of...

Being Still

(You may click the link above to read the blog on naming my year)



I prayed a quiet prayer and asked God to help me to be still.
 To sit in the moments that come and go, and NOT try so hard to "do", or to "fix" things.

I prayed that I not miss Him,
in the little things.
Those things that kept me so busy that I didn't take time to notice Him.

I prayed that my spirit would find Him in all things,
that I would let Him take full reign in my heart and in my worry.

I prayed for the ability to be still in Him.

The faith to be still in those moments in which I can't see.

The faith to trust without seeing the next moment ahead.

Faith.

Blind faith in the stillness.

I sat. 
Still.  Watching. Waiting.



Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.



In February,
He spoke one word to me,

"Move."

That was all.
It resonated within me.
I marinated on it, day and night.
I went round and round, trying to figure out the meaning of this word and what He was asking of me.

Again...not being very still.

Trying to work things out on my own.

I thought, if I could only crack open the puzzle that is "Move", I will surely know what to do, how to fix,  how to piddle, how to conquer.
Then maybe, I will see what He wants me to see.

I thought, in my smarty pants mind, that I had figured it all out.
I thought He meant move in the physical sense for a long while.

He was moving our lives physically, so I just assumed that I had found the answer.


Again...not being very still.



I see now, after an entire year has passed,
that He simply wanted me to move out of His way.


To move...only to be still.


It was His way of gently nudging me aside, so that He could stand broad shouldered, in His majesty in front of me, so that I could finally fully see Him.


It was as if He whispered,

"Move aside a bit, so you can see Me closely.  So you can see Me in all of My Glory."



See Him, in all of His goodness.

See Him, in all things.
In everything.


For me to be still, and watch Him move.

To. See. Him.


This year proved to be a year of Being Still,
 and watching my Father take the mess, that was our lives, and turn it into something beautiful.



Throughout the year,


I watched in the stillness, as my husband and I both became jobless within one month of each other.

I watched in the stillness, as we lost our house and had to uproot our family into a much smaller house.

I watched in the stillness, as we sold half of our life, to fit inside that much smaller house.

I watched in the stillness, as we all cried trying to adjust to our new life.

I watched  in the stillness, as we struggled with the idea of homeschooling our kids.

I watched in the stillness, as my heart broke moving my first born off to college.

I watched in the stillness, as we struggled financially.

I watched in the stillness, as my husband had a stroke.

I watched in the stillness, as my husband, once again, became unemployed due to his stroke.

I watched in the stillness, as we had no income coming into our home.


I watched in the stillness, on trembling legs, as it felt as though walls were crashing down all around us.

I watched and waited, in the stillness of it all.

Knowing, that He was in control.

Not always understanding,
but knowing Him.



Psalm 46:10
Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world."



In the last few months,

I've seen...my husband flourish in a new job.

I've seen...our smaller house become a peaceful home.

I've seen...our children laughing and playing and enjoying their new life.

I've seen...my children learning and growing confident as we homeschool.

I've seen... my oldest happy and flourishing as she grows in the Lord and discipleship at college.

I've seen...God provide for us according to His riches and Glory.

I've seen...my husband hand his heart and life over to God, being completely transformed and filled with Life flowing peace.

I've seen...God continue to heal his body to full restoration and strength.

I've seen... God provide all of our needs, and even some of our wants.


I've seen...as God strengthened our legs to stand firmly in Him, while He has continued to rebuild our lives within the rubble of those fallen walls.


I've seen...mercy and grace fall on us as a cleansing rain.


I've seen... Him take us, and rearrange our lives and our hearts to fulfill His perfect will in us.


I've seen... our mess become a message.


I've seen...deliverance.


I've seen...the hand of God.


I. Have. Seen.


I've seen Him move on my behalf.


In being still...I have seen the Lion of Judah.




John 1:14
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Beyond the winds of change.

There is something about our weather here in Southwest Louisiana...

one day it can be hot and humid, and the next thing you know, the winds of change blow in and your waking up twelve hours later with frost on the ground and an ice cold chill in the air.

The scenery is totally different and sometimes a mess.

If it weren't for the wonderful family who lives nearby, and their delectible stews and etoufee's, that my stomach is accustomed to, or the sweet friends whom I love to inhale and exhale with, over a cup of warm Southern coffee,  I would have already packed my bags and found a new place to set up tent!

They have me in their loving trance, so I have no other choice but to stay put while I am drenched in their goodness.

The other morning, we awoke to our yard in quite the bit of a shamble.

The winds of change had made their self known.

Limbs were draped all over the browning grass, our trash cans were tossed on their side with trash bags spewing out of them, colorful leaves decorated our land like a canvas, as they were tossed to and fro, our patio chairs were no longer in their regular spot around our patio table and even a few shingles had fallen off of the roof of our shed.

Our outside looked as though it had been ransacked!

Even our large plastic, light-up Santa had been thrown across the yard.
 He had landed in the ditch and on his face.
 To this my kids shrieked,  

"It's like we've been vandalized Mom!  Look at poor Santa Claus!"

We had heard the winds whistling during the night, singing a melody like a flute through our chimney, but we did not assess the damage until the following morning. 

Things were a big mess outside and the winds of change had brought with it, a very cold temperature in the low 30s.

Buuurrrgggghhhhh!

The winds of change...

they blow in, sometimes leaving a big messy scene, as they bring in a new season to the air.


John 3:8
The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."



Our lives have experienced the winds of change once again.

They've blown in without a moment's notice and have created quite the big mess.

Things have been swirling all around and it feels as though we've been ransacked.

My husband is that plastic Santa that has been thrown around and vandalized.
Tossed in the ditch and on his face.

It's only by God's precious Grace that
I can say that with a smile on my face...

because I know that the winds of change never come and just leave their big mess.

They always, always bring with them something fresh and new.

Something brisk and welcoming.

Something unexpected, but needed.

As I witness my Savior reaching inside of my husband's chest and rearranging his heart, ripping out the old and replacing it with a Love so divine, I am blown away like those leaves tossed to and fro in our yard.

Even in the midst of this physical storm he has endured, I see God's hand, and It's reaching out for us to grab it.

As his wife, I see his outer self struggling with the smallest, simplest daily routines, and I want to rush in and help him be better.

I yearn to fix what is broken.


With clinched hands I hold on tightly.

I want to heal him somehow and make him stronger.

But, I know that I can't.

I only know the One who can.

 I see God in all His wonder, weaving His way in and out of our lives even in this big mess.

I feel the winds of change as they brush against us almost knocking us off our feet.

And yet...
I see Him fixing.  healing.  restoring.  loving.  rescuing.

I am reminded of the story of the disciples, as they sat in their fishing boat watching the waves rise up all around them.

The winds blowing and whistling with their fierceness.

As they feel tossed around, landing with their face in the dirt.

Fear and doubt rushing into their minds.

Peter in his knowing, yet needing and longing to see the Son of God revealed within the storm.

Part of me wants to yell out in doubt and fear,

" Oh God, the waves are so big this time and they are tossing us back and forth.  And the rain Lord, it's hitting us so very hard!  How can I trust that this is not going to harm us and cause us to go under?"

 Then, the part of me that knows my Father and His love for me, yet still needing and longing to see His face within the storm says,

"I hear you calling from within the storm Lord.  I'm coming! Let me see your face Lord. Take my hand if I fall."


He whispers softly, breathing His life into me, as my heart tries to make sense of it all,

"If there was no storm, how would you see Me walk on the water? Oh faint of heart, don't you see Me?"


In all of His Glory and Majesty, He whispers through the rain and the wind, wooing me towards Him.

My soul is filled with a rushing river of peace.
Speaking words that my heart longs to hear Him say.
Needing me to trust Him.
Walking into His grace.
Fixing my eyes on only Him.
Reaching out to grab His hand.
Seeing Him for who He is.
Rejoicing in His mercy.


As I sit in the cold metal chair, and watch from across the room, as the doctor bends my husband's leg backwards and forward, strengthening his body with every push and fold, he says words that blow a peace within my spirit.

The doctor does not realize how much his words whisper life as he says,

"This is just something that you must pass through to get to a stronger and better place."

It covers my heart like sweet mollasses, as I hear God's voice in his words, almost tasting His sweetness around me.



A stronger and better place.

That place of redemption and peace, beyond the winds of change. 

 

 

 

Matthew 14:25-33

Their boat was tossed around within the winds and the rain.

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to meet them, walking on the lake.  When the disciples saw him walking on the lake they were terrifed.  "It's a ghost!" they cried out in fear.  But Jesus immediately called out to them, "Take courage!  It is I.  Do not be afraid."

Peter, suddenly bold, said "Master if it's really you, call to me to come to you on the water."  He said, "Come ahead."  Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus.  But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath hsi feet, he lost his courage and started to sink.  He cried, "Lord save me!"  Jesus didn't hesitate.  He reached down and grabbed his hand.  Then he said, "Faint heart, what got into you?"  The two of them climbed inot the boat, having watched the whole thing, worshiped Jesus saying, "This is He!  You are God's Son for sure!"