When He leans.

 

Psalm 116:1-2
I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.

 

 

Friends tell me all the time that I have what it takes to do this.

That God knew this sweet boy needed me. That he needed what only I could give him.

 

 

And each time I hear my friends say that...

I feel less than qualified.

 

In eight days, our little guy will undergo a major operation.

They will open his tiny little chest and repair an artery near his heart that has caused him more trouble than all of us expected.

 

And I wonder,

"How on earth am I prepared or qualified to handle this?"

 

I wonder, on some days, when I am so tired that I can't even remember the last time I bathed and sleeping becomes more important than eating, if God should have given this little angel to a twenty something-ball of energy-conquer the world-super girl...rather than me.

 

 

I question it...

where this invisible strength and ability that other people see stems from.

 

Your Grace abounds in deepest waters.

 

The past few days have been the hardest.

The questions I ask are the same but different.

"How do I do this, God? How do I hand my baby over to these doctors to perform this surgery? How?"
 

 

I try to wrap my mind around what is about to happen and I fall apart in tears at the drop of the smallest hat.

 

I'm in deep, real deep.

 

This is more than I can handle.

 

This is big, and I feel very small.

 

I wrote the struggle of this journey in a blog post a while back. It was at the beginning when we were just finding out about the health issues Isaac was having. At the time, all I could do was lean into God, because I felt my feet were failing me.

 

Around every corner they come...the tears.
They fall and they fall and I lean and I lean.

 The weakness takes over and I just want to fall over more and more.

I can barely feel my feet beneath me.
My heart is heavy.

 

That was almost seven months ago.

Since then, I have seen more than my momma's eyes and heart could imagine.

I have seen more needles poked into his soft fragile arms than I can count.

I have held him down screaming for the doctors to run test after test after test.

I have rocked a sick and tired baby for hours and hours and hours.
I have memorized the sound his heart beat makes as he has slept on my chest night after night.
I have laid my hands on his little body and prayed healing prayers until I have become breathless.

 

And today, as we finally have the answers we have searched for all these months, those feet...

have finally failed me and I feel as though I am falling flat on my face.

The energy to get back up...well, it's just not there.

 

My smallness gets even smaller.

 

But, that's when it happens...

The Leaning.

Not mine...but His.

 

 

Love that goes upward is worship;
 love that goes outward is affection;
 love that stoops is Grace.
~~Donald Grey Barnhouse

 

It's at the moment when I have collapsed in my weakness, that He leans into me.
  

As my chin falls to the floor, He lifts it up gently towards Him.

 

And He reminds me.

 

That He is all that I need.

That I don't have to be strong in every moment that comes.
That He is my help when I feel helpless.

Psalm 46:1
 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble.

Within His touch, my smallness doesn't seem to matter anymore...because His greatness is all I see.

His presence is all I feel.

 

  I begin to weep and say His name Jesus, over and over with grief ridden breathlessness.
Then He leans in,
 He hears
 and He knows.
 He knows my heart is heavy, worried and overflowing with love for this little boy.
He knows that I feel unqualified, unprepared, and less than enough.

 

 Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
 

He leans toward me, whispers softly into my heart the reason why I am qualified for this journey...

"Because you are mine and you were made for this."

And just as Sarah laughed when the Angel of The Lord told her she'd have a child in her old age, just as I laughed when God spoke those words to me... I giggle under my breath...
"Oh, God, You must know something that I don't."


Then I am reminded of the suitcase that is packed in my bedroom and sitting in the baby's crib.
I see it in my mind, the mountain of clothes and necessities being packed to be away from home with Isaac as he undergoes cardiac surgery.

Then I remember something else...

I've had a bag packed for over 7 months now.
I keep it tucked away in my closet. It's a small overnight bag. It has a set of clean clothes, toiletries and pajamas inside. Everything I need for an emergency trip is in that small bag.
We've visited the hospital so many times in this little boy's life, that I have kept a bag packed just in case. Just in case.
I tried many times to unpack it, but I could never get myself to do it.

He shows me that this suitcase represents my preparedness. It represents my readiness to go where He leads me. Its size represents how small I feel up against this giant we are about to face. But, still in all, it carries what I need. I may not have known why I packed the bag or where I was going, but I was ready to go and had everything I needed already inside of it.

I had everything I needed already inside of it.

I have everything I need already inside of me.
It's been tucked away for such a time as this.
And even though I feel small, there is greatness on the inside of me.
I carry everything I need inside of me.

God is that greatness.

God is that everything.

He is everything.

John 15:9
"For without me you can do nothing."

As this revelation becomes clearer and clearer to me, He leans in closer...
"You have Me. I am enough. I am all you need."

 

He is strong enough to hold me when I can not stand.
He is strong enough to hold me.
He is strong enough.

 He is enough.

 

He leans even closer, and His voice resonates in my heart as He speaks life into this baby...
"You don't hand him to them. You hand him to Me. I am enough for you and I am enough for him."

 

 I see Him stretching His arms out for me to collapse into them.
  I feel the warmth of His embrace as my tears mingle together as they fall at His feet.
I see the love in His eyes as He becomes ALL that I need and more.
I hear the comfort in His voice as He reminds me who He is. Because today, right now, in this very moment...
I need Him to be all that He says He is.


Luke 18:27
"But He said, 'What is impossible with men is possible with God.'"

When He leans...I don't feel so small anymore,
because His greatness is on the inside of me.

  He is everything I need.

He is enough.


Psalm25:5
"Lead my by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you."



Please be in prayer with us as we approach Isaac's day of surgery and believe with us...
 that God is more than enough.



What's your name?

 

 

 

 

 

Psalm 16:11

Thou wilt make known to me the path of life;

In Thy presence is fulness of JOY;

In Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.

 

 

My children and I participated in a service project for our

Homeschool group the week of Valentine's Day.

 

 

We made handmade Valentines cards and handed them out to the elderly residents at a local nursing home.

 

We went room to room handing out our little love notes and visiting with them.

 

I'm happy to say that my kids really enjoyed it.

 

But most of all...the residents were tickled that we took our time to pour some love on them.

 

Their faces lit up when they saw the children, and even more when they saw their Valentine cards.

 

There were many rooms to cover, so our homeschool group split up and each took a hallway.

 

My two children and I walked up and down the hallway making sure we did not miss anyone.

 

We approached a room that was lit up bright, but very quiet.

 

There was a woman lying in a bed near the window with her face towards the wall.

 

As we walked in, I announced us with a "hello", but she never turned to see who we were.

 

We walked on the opposite side of her bed, near the window, when I realized that she could not move her neck to greet us.

 

She was paralyzed in one position with her face looking towards the wall.

 

My heart broke for her.

 

I bent down close to her so she could see me, then told her why we were there and showed her the Valentines card we had for her.

 

She grinned a huge grin and said "thank you", then asked if my two children would come close to her so she could see them.

 

Her face radiated.

 Her skin was flawless, a soft pasty white.

 And she had the bluest eyes.

They looked transparent, and glistened like the ocean.

 

I bent close to her once more, so she could see my face, and then I asked her,

"What's your name?"

 

She responded,

"Joyce. My name is Joyce."

 

I answered back,

"Well that's a beatiful name. It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Joyce."

 

She smiled a big smile and said,

"It's nice to meet you.  What's your name?"

And before I could answer her question, she says excitedly,
"Your name is Joy."

 

I responded back,

"No ma'am. My name is Tammy."

 

She looked at me intently and repeated,

"Your name is Joy."

 

I giggled and said back to her,

"Well thank you, but my name is Tammy."

 

She said back to me,

"No, your name is Joy."

 

To which I gave in and said,

"Okay. I'll take the name Joy, if that's what you want to call me."

 

She smiled looking pleased at my response and said,

"Yes. Tammy Joy. That is your name. You are Joy."

 

I then patted her on her tiny fragile shoulder and we said our goodbyes.

 

I thought about her sweet response to my name and her unforgettable face for a few days after.

 

It lingered with me. Resonating in my spirit.

 

About a week later, I was in the bathtub, talking to God and listening to worship music.

 

Yes...this is my best time to talk to God.

 

It's one of the only times I have to myself and a good place to tuck away from the busyness of the world around me.

 

I laid back in the tub, dunking my entire head under the water, watching the steam rise up around me.

 My ears were silenced.

I closed my eyes and allowed the world to disappear for those few moments.

 

I thought of her...Mrs. Joyce.

I saw her sweet face and her blue transparent eyes.

I heard her voice saying, "You are Joy", and I smiled under the water.

 

Then,

just as if He were standing right in front of me,

God's voice whispered softly in my water covered ears...

 

"That's what you are to Me. You are my Joy. You have always been my Joy and you always will be. You are Joy."

 

The tears began to flow and trinkle into the water around me.

They were unstoppable.

 

I cried with my entire body,

 shaking, trembling, and pouring out years and years of pain right there in the bathtub.

I sat in the tub motionless,

crying,

 until the water was cold and chilly.

 Until, all those years of heaviness and pain left my body.

 

I've spent my whole life haunted by a name that wasn't meant for me.

 

That name was "pain".

 

I was the 8th child born to a very broken family, three months after my Father's vasectomy.
Needless to say, I was quite unexpected.

It was a yours, mine and ours kind of family that screamed for help in every way...
a family that desperately needed God.

Their lives were already spilling over with chaos and plenty of children,

I was the last thing my mother wanted or needed.

She found herself in a desperate place.

She drank herself in a stooper the entire pregnancy for me,

in an attempt to miscarry me.

 

She told me from the time I could understand words,

 that she was miserable her entire pregnancy for me,

 and that she cried every day because I was the last thing she wanted at the time.

 

She told me that I was the reason why she was overweight.

She said she had become so depressed when she had me, that she began having an eating disorder.

 

All I ever knew, was that I had caused her pain.

 

Lots and lots of pain.

Maybe those were words she had heard whispered into her own life.
Maybe those were the only words she knew, so they just fell down to me.
Maybe it was the only way she knew how to love.

Whatever the case, those words soaked into me.
It doesn't mean they were true, it's just what I was told.
At the time, I had no other truth offered to me.
 

 

Throughout my life, when things would go sour, I blamed myself.

I blamed myself for the pain in all of my relationships.

I closed off from people that I loved, because I thought that if I removed myself from them,

they wouldn't have pain in their life.

I thought I was doing them a favor in some way.

 

I blamed myself when my marriage went bad.

If only I didn't cause pain, he wouldn't be so angry and miserable all the time.

Maybe he would love me enough to straighten up his life.
Maybe we could finally find happiness.

 

I blamed myself for my many miscarriages.

If only I didn't cause pain, God would give me more children.

 

I identified with the story of Jabez in the Bible.

I can laugh as I say this now, but I felt as though he was my brother from another mother.

His mother named him Jabez, meaning "pain",

 because she experienced so much pain during his birth.

What a label to carry around? What a name to be called?

Even so...I felt his anguish. I knew his pain. I could relate.

 

I memorized the Jabez prayer and made it my anthem,

"Oh God, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory!

 Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will not cause pain."

 

I prayed with every fiber in me, that He would make my life bring joy to others,
 and not so much pain.

 

In an attempt to try and fix what I thought I was, I became a perfectionist.
If I were perfect, then I would have no way of causing pain to someone else...
or so I thought.

I obsessed about everything, became an over achiever, and created a fake cold stale world to live in.

 It sent me spiraling down a road of misery, including an eating disorder,
 the same one that afflicted my mother.

It ripped away my joy.

 

Oh, on the outside I smiled,

and made it look like I had it all together.

 But on the inside,

I was a big hot emotional mess. A train wreck!

I felt like a failure who just caused pain wherever I went.

 

I had believed every lie that was spoken over me. Every last one.

I listened to the enemy, the accuser, the puppet master of lies.

 

And now, today...somewhere deep inside, part of me still believed it.

 

I knew that I had been redeemed and changed by God when I took Him in as Savior of my life,

but I failed to do one thing.

 

I failed to let go of that old name tag, the one that the enemy had stuck on me since my conception.
I held on to it. Maybe thinking I deserved it instead of what God had for me.

Maybe, I folded it up and placed it in my back pocket, just in case, down the road,

 I would fail God and cause Him pain too.

 

But how many of you know, that when God takes control of your life...

He tears off that old name tag,

and He gives you a new one!

 

He gives you the name you were meant to carry all along.

The one He set aside just for you!

One filled with love and with His stamp of grace upon it!
 

 

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

God doesn't see the old you, or the old name you used to wear,
He only sees the new you!

The old man, the old name, is gone--VAMOOSE--and new things are happening!


He is the creator of all things new!

It's who He is.

He is newness of life. He is the Redeemer!
He rescues. He saves. He delivers.

 

When I accepted Him as Lord of my life I was reborn, and I had finally heard the real TRUTH spoken over me. And I needed a new name to go with my new birth.

 

God changes our name, not because we have changed on the outside,

but because we have changed on the inside.

There is a transformation that happens within us.

He gives us a new name, because our status changes.

 

Just as a soldier in the army changes rank, going from Private to Corporal.

His status changed, so his name must change.

When we become Christ followers, our status changes.

 

We are now a part of His Kingdom!

We are heirs of His blessing!


Romans 11:17
"But some of these branches from Abraham's tree-some of the people of Israel-have been broken off. And you Gentiles, who were branches from a wild olive tree, have been grafted in. So now you also receive the blessing God has promised Abraham and his children, sharing in the rich nourishment from the root of God's special olive tree." (NLT)
 

And one day, one glorious day,
we will wear the name Sergeant First Class, as we live eternally with Him in Heaven!

When you...yes you,
took Jesus Christ as your Savior, something supernatural took place.
There was a shift in your status.
You were made new and renamed by the blood of the Risen Lamb!
You belong to the Father!

1 Peter 2:9

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

 

This isn't something that God has just started doing.
 

God has been in the name changing business for a long time...

 

He changed Abram to Abraham, meaning "father of a great multitude".

 Abraham became just that, a father of many nations!

God gave him and his decendants His inheritance!

(Genesis 17:5-8, Romans 4:17)

 

He changed Abram's wife's name Sarai to Sara, meaning "mother of nations".

God showed Sara that her own efforts were in vain, but with God's grace everything is possible.

(Genesis 17:15-16)

 

He changed Simon to Peter, meaning "the rock".

Jesus said to him, "Upon this rock, I will build my church."

And He did!

(John 1:42, Matthew 16:17-19)

 

He changed Saul to Paul, meaning "small or humble".

Paul humbled Himself before the Lord, so that God was greater in His life than anything else, and God used Him greatly.

He turned from persecutor to apostle.

 He went on to write 2/3 of the New Testament!

(Acts 9:1-6, 10-16)

 

He changed Jacob to Israel, meaning "having power with God".

Jacob had wrestled with man and with God and had overcome!

God used Him mightily and blessed Him greatly!

(Genesis 35:10, 31:1-32)

 

He changed my name from Tammy "thought to cause pain", to Tammy JOY!
Joy means "a feeling of great pleasure and happiness, delight, gladness, mirth, something to be rejoiced or celebrated."
God has showed me that I am someone worth celebrating!
He has showed me that through Him and because of His grace,  I am made whole...
in every way!
 

God is in the name changing business!

 

He has a new name for you!

 

He wants to whisper that new name into your heart!

 

He probably already has!

Maybe you just don't know it,  because you haven't let go of your old name.

If you are reading this right now...

I encourage you today, to let it go!
Don't let one more day go by allowing that name to control or harm you.
Rip that old name tag off. Surrender it to God.
He wants so much for you to know how loved you are,
 how great the sound of your name is upon His ears,
 and how adored you are.
 

 His name for you is much sweeter and filled with blessing and freedom!

 

Not only did I carry the name "pain" on my collar, but I believed that I actually was pain.

As God spoke into my heart with His name for me,

all of that pain began to pour out of me.

All the pain that I thought I caused, I had become,
 and just with the whisper of His voice calling me by my new name, it began seaping from me.

 

As it literally dripped off of me, I felt light and free, almost airy.

I had carried the burden of that name "pain" for so long, that it began to weigh me down.

 

I am so excited to say, that I am finally free of it!

Free of the weight and the burden of a name that wasn't mine to hold.

I realized that my new name is something I have to conciously decide to take on every day.
I have to choose to let go of the old name, the old me.
The enemy will try to remind me of what I am not,
but God continues to remind me of what I am!

I am His.
 I am a new creation with a new name!
He calls me His Beloved.
 

 

What name are you holding onto?

What label have you been wearing for way too long?

What name or names have been spoken over you and battered you around your whole life?
What name clouds your hearing to where you can't hear God calling you?

 

Is it failure?

Is it worthless?

Is it pain?

Is it addict?

Is it burden?

I'm sure the enemy has a list that goes on and on.
 

 

Let me let you in on something...

the enemy is a liar!

 And he has a sack full of lies for you and for me.

 He will either tell you those lies himself,

or use the mouth of someone else to whisper those lies to you.

He wants to shame you.

 

He wants you to believe his lies so that you will not become what God has called you to be.

 

But God...
He cannot lie.

He only offers truth.

 

 

Numbers 23:19

God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?

He loves you for who you are!
He can't love you any more or any less than He already does.

 

He offers everlasting life with His truth and with the name that He has for you.

His name will not shame you, nor make you feel less of who you are.

 

His name will lift you up.
It will give you purpose. It will give you hope!

 

His name for you is sweet as honey and brings a smile to His face.

 

He has it written on the palm of His hand and when He looks upon it,

He smiles and calls you His Beloved.
He marvels in you and celebrates your very creation.

He has called you Redeemed!

 

His name for you will bring glory to Him.

It will bring peace and joy to you.

 It will put praise in your heart and a song on your lips!

You will want nothing else but to worship Him, the very reason we were created.
 

There is a song by D. J. Butler titled I Will Change Your Name.

I hope these lyrics speak to your heart...

I will change your name
You shall no longer be called
Wounded, outcast, lonely or afraid
I will change your name
Your new name shall be
Confidence, joyfulness, overcoming one
Faithfulness, friend of God
One who seeks My face.

 

So, I ask you...what's your name?

Seek after God's heart today and find out who you really are.

Allow Jesus, the Name above all names, to speak over you.

Let Him tell you who He says you are!
 

Don't you hear Him calling you?


 

Isaiah 51:3

 The LORD will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the LORD.

Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing.

 

 

Romans 15:13

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing,

that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                      -Tammy

 

 



Hands and feet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love.
~Martin Luther King Jr.

 

 Disclaimer:
I started this post five days ago and I struggled with where it was going. I walked away from my laptop and tried several times later to write some more. My emotions, and the new passion within my heart to share this message, was burning within me. Each time I tried to write, I just got aggravated at where it was going.  It kept changing and turning and going all over the place. I prayed last night about needing to delete it or trying to finish it today. I prayed for God to put it all together the way that only He can.

This is what transpired...

I hope you stay and read it all the way through.


 

A week or so ago,
I had the opportunity and privelege of doing my first book review.

A sweet facebook/blogger friend of mine had just released her first book and she needed a few people to do a book review on it.

I was elated (stupidly excited is more like it) when she suggested I be one of those people.

Little did I know,
that her book would open my eyes to a world I did not see.

One of my favorite quotes is by James Bryce.

He writes...
"The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from it."

After reading this book,
I carried away eyes stretched open and a heart wanting to see a change in this world.

A desperately needed change.

The author is Elora Ramirez and her book is titled Come Alive.

It's one girl's story of her life as a prostitute in the dark plague that is sex trafficking.

Otherwise known as human trafficking.

No matter how you put it, the darkness is still there.

I had heard about sex trafficking before, through a couple of ministries,
but I honestly thought that it was abroad, in other countries.

I had no idea,
none,
 that human trafficking was so big in our home country,
the United States.


Sex trafficking is defined as...

Sexual slavery or forced sexual slavery is the organized coercion of unwilling people into different sexual practices.

and

Human trafficking is the illegal trade of human beings, mainly for the purposes of commercial sexual exploitation and forced labor.


Although Come Alive is a fictional story,
 it is based on a real human being trapped in a very real horror.

It is one girl's real life story.

It's the story of a seventeen year old girl being forced to sell herself out of her home,
 by her own father.

My heart ached with every page that I read and there were moments where I cried so hard that I nearly lost my breath.

How could I not know these things were happening?

Since reading this book,
my prayers have been different.

You see...
those girls,
those precious girls,
that are forced to live a life like that,
are the girls next door to you and me.

The twelve year old that plays in the streets on her bike.
The fourteen year old that shops at the mall with her friends on the weekend.
The seventeen year old that will graduate this coming May.

Those are the faces of these girls.

I can't help but recognize those faces as a mother of two teenage girls.

My heart can't help but break for those innocent lives.

My soul can't help but cry out to the God who saves and delivers and restores.

My mind can't help but wonder why my eyes have stayed closed shut to such a horror.

It has made me think hard about other things that I have allowed myself not to see.
Things that I would rather not know are there.

Is it easier for me just to not see it at all?

Does it feel better if I don't know?

My closed eyes and heart that don't want to see or feel,
do not make things like this go away.

They still exist.
It still hurts and steals the lives of many young girls and women.

Many things, that we choose not to see, still exist.

Just like passing by the homeless guy holding the cardboard sign up at the intersection on the highway, with my window up, hoping the glass shields my view, preventing me from making eye contact...
won't feed him a meal that day, give him shelter for the night, show him Love, or make his desperation go away.

My questioning of the woman in the short skirt standing on the corner waiting for her next "appointment", won't free her from the horror she feels she has no other choice but to live or help her see her worth in Christ.

Snubbing my nose to the person sitting next to me at church, just because I feel my Christian walk is a level slight above theirs, won't fill the hole that seems to grow in the Body of Christ or get His work done.

My point here is...
that everyone has a story.
A story being written by God.

Everyone.
The girl trapped in sex trafficking. The woman on the street corner. The guy at the intersection.
The person sitting elbow to elbow to you at church.

Not one is the same as another.

Mine is different than yours and yours is different than mine.

There's nothing wrong with that.

What's wrong is that we close our eyes to what we should be seeing in one another and open them to the things that are simply not for our judgement.

His instructions were specific...


John 13:34
So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.

1 John 3:17
If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion--how can God's love be in that person?

Psalm 82:3
Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.


I saw a quote the other day on a website of an organization trying to end human trafficking, that read,

"No child wakes up and decides to become a prostitute that day."

These words drove me to tears.

No one wakes up and decides to be a prostitute.
 It is the result of a life acting out of desperation.

No one wakes up and decides to be homeless.
 It is the result of a life acting out of desperation.

No one wakes up and decides to be full of hate.
It is the result of a life acting out of desperation.

You see...
we have all been in a place of desperation.

All of us.

Maybe different circumstances, but the same desperation.

We ALL need a Savior to save us from our desperate situations.

He has called us out to be His hands and feet.

So that people may see Him in the flesh.

As my blogger friend Holley Gerth wrote yesterday...

"We need Jesus with skin on."

She goes on to explain...

In other words, the needs of our hearts are going to get met one way or another. When it comes to our struggles, God intended for them to get met in relationships. We need "Jesus with skin on". If that doesn’t happen, we’re going to fill the void in ways that are not his best for us."


I've started a a couple of new things since reading Come Alive.
It's definitely awakened my Spirit and opened my eyes and heart.


1.  I've begun to pray for the world's young people and their families. 

I'm praying for openness and safety within their home so that young people will begin to feel safe enough to talk to their parents and parents will begin to talk to their children. Many teenage girls caught up in sex trafficking live at home and their parents have no idea.  My prayer is that
Love spring forth within their homes preventing hidden secrets and healing the hearts of our young people. My prayer is for that momma to love her child fearlessly and get involved with them even if that child screams for independence. Too much is too harmful. Mommas, hold your children close, don't force them to grow up too fast. For in everything there is a season.


2.  I've begun to remind myself where I was at one point in my life.

I was once alone and destitute in my sin and the life I was living out of desperation.  I remind myself this each and every time I come in contact with a stranger. I remind myself that they too need the same Savior that I need.  I remind myself that He died for me and them. I remind myself that His grace is sufficient, more than enough, and it doesn't stop with me. It's eternal, everlasting, free flowing. I remind myself that His love for me and them is no different. I've taken Him out of the box that I've labeled "just for me" and begun to share Him with complete strangers.  Because He is theirs too, and I think sometimes I believe He is just all mine for the taking. That is so far from the truth. He is mine for the sharing. He is the Gospel that He has called us to go out and show to the world. He is the Love that He has called us to give.  He is. And there is nothing missing from Him. Nothing. I don't have to wrap Him up in a prettier bow or wait for the perfect time to share Him.

He said,
 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
(Matthew 28:19)

He made it very simple saying therefore go.

The Hebrew meaning of "go" is to walk, depart, proceed.

I giggled when I looked up the word "therefore".
It means for that or for this reason.
The word therefore refers to something already stated.

The words "He said" is what is stated before.

The reason why we should "go" is because He said so!

(How many mommas just read that and said a loud "Amen!" ?)

So yeah...just go. Go! GO!
Because He said so!


3. I've asked God to open my eyes to every opportunity to love on someone.

To be His hands and feet in a way that I never have before.

The thing is,  hands and feet were created for action.
Our hands help us do daily things and our feet get us to wherever we are going.

To be the hands and feet of Jesus requires action.

I know that we get nervous to talk to others or think that if we don't walk away from someone and they be saved, then our job is not done.

But saving is not our job.

It's Christ's job to save.
It's our job to LOVE.

To share God with someone because He is love.
That's it. Share the Love.

Just love on someone. Anyone.

Another voice inside our head tells us, "Don't get involved. Don't be nosey."

Let me tell you, that someone is screaming on the inside of themselves for someone like you to get involved, to be nosey, to love enough to ask questions...bringing Light to their dark place.

Get involved with someone today.

Tell the cashier how nice her hair looks today. Ask her how her day is going.

Start a conversation with the person sitting next to you at church on Sunday, "The weather is gorgeous today. What are your plans after church?" 

Keep a pack of peanut butter crackers and a bottled water in your minivan, so that when you pass by the man at the intersection on the highway, you can roll down your window, make eye contact with him and hand him a snack and some water, saying "God bless you" or "Jesus loves you" or "I'm praying for your provision".

So many times I rush around my day, too busy-busy with my eyes closed to those around me,
who really need to see Jesus with skin on.

Do I dare tell my Father one day when I stand before Him,
 that I didn't love on His child, my neighbor, because I was just "too busy"?

I have to remind myself, that Jesus is never too busy for me.
He never turns a blind eye.
He never stops loving me because of my circumstance or my appearance or my lack of.

Instead...

He fills in that lack with Himself.
He opens my eyes to my own ignorance.
He loves me with a force that cannot be tamed or stopped.

His love changes me, making me new.
His love wraps me up and protects me from the wickedness of this world.
His love makes me feel worth something.

What would happen if we love fearlessly like that today?
What if we were to love someone today with a love like His and they be changed?

What if we were to actually use our hands and feet
to be His hands and feet?

What if we loved today like our Father loves us?
Without question.
Without bashing.
Without an alterior motive.

Be it.
Be the Hands and Feet of Jesus!


Lord, open our eyes to see the hurting
and the passion to use our hands and feet to be Your Light!
Cause our hearts to burst open with compassion!


Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see.
~~Brandon Heath-Give Me Your Eyes

Proverbs 25:5

Lead me in Your truth and teach me,

for You are the God of my salvation,

for You I wait all the day.

Isaiah 49:9
Saying to those who are bound, 'Go forth,' To those who are in darkness, 'Show yourselves.' Along the roads they will feed, And their pasture will be on all bare heights.   They will not hunger or thirst, Nor will the scorching heat or sun strike them down ; For He who has compassion on them will lead them And will guide them to springs of water.



The facts about homelessness:

Between 2.3 and 3.5 million people experience homelessness.

58% are living in shelters and 42% are not sheltered.
These include children.

A homeless child or a runaway has a 75% more chance of becoming a prostitute or a victim of human trafficking than a child living at home.

Resources:
http://www.endhomelessness.org/content/general/detail/2161
http://www.nationalhomeless.org/factsheets/How_Many.html
http://www.homelesschildrenamerica.org/


The facts about human trafficking:

The average age of trafficking victims is 12 years old.

There are more slaves in the world today than at any other point in human history,

with an estimated 27 million in bondage across the globe.

Men, women, and children are being exploited for manual and sexual labor against their will.

Every thirty seconds, someone is forced into this type of bondage—modern slavery.

 As the world’s fastest growing criminal industry, it affects every nation across the globe.

Resources:
http://love146.org/love-story
http://www.thea21campaign.org/

 

 

 





 

This is gonna shut your mouth.

I saw this video on Facebook yesterday.

 

I watched it three times and then watched it another time with my family.

 

Each time,

with eyes filled with tears,

I cheered!

I thought I would share it with you here today.
If you know someone, anyone, who would be blessed by this please feel free to share.
 

It's a little long, but if you watch it through you will be truly blessed.

 

 

A story of hope...



 



When you're gasping for air...just breathe.

 

 

 

 

 

 Job 10:12
You gave me life itself, and incredible love.
You watched and guarded every breath I took.

 

I didn't start the New Year off quite like I expected to.

 

It began with the sniffles for a few days accompanied by lots of tiredness,

which then turned into a persistent and nagging dry cough.

The next thing I know...

I'm sitting in the ER, the last place I wanted to be,
 gasping on a nebulizer due to a severe case of Bronchitis.

 

Not at all what I expected.

 

That, my friend,

has been the last two weeks.

 

Although I am feeling 100% better today,

I can't say that about the past week.

 

I sat on my couch a few nights ago, alone in the quiet and darkness of my living room,

praying to God as my lungs worked aimlessly to take in another breath. Gasping for air I prayed,

"Just one more breath God. Give me strength for one more breath."

 

Honestly,

I couldn't see anything passed that at that particular moment.

 

I just needed to get through each breath,

one at a time.

 

 He whispered into my heart,

"Why do you not pray that way every day? Why do you worry about tomorrow when you just need to worry about the now and let Me take care of tomorrow? All I need you to do is trust Me and breathe. Just breathe."

 

A single tear ran down my cheek.
I sat there quiet, motionless,
breathing Him in.

 

In the still of the night...He embraced me, breathed His life into me, filling me up.

Hasn't He always been just that...
my breath of life?

 

I've been in a place of worry lately.

 

A place I haven't been in a long while.

 

I'm not sure why or how I even got here,
in this place of worry.

 

Why do I let myself go to such a place?
I don't like it there.
It drains me so.

Worry is birthed from fear.

It's birthed from those moments when I'm gasping for air.
Those times when I don't think I can even make it to the next moment,
much less the next day filled with the unknown.
Those moments I fear the worst before it even happens.
Most of the time...it doesn't even happen at all,
 so I've wasted some precious moments and breaths worrying for no reason.

The thing about fear is, that it's a choice.
 A concious choice.

I can either choose to trust or I can choose to fear.

It's just that simple.

John 10:10
I have come that they might have life and have it abundantly.

Jesus died so that we would find freedom in every area of our life.
That includes those areas where we choose to fear and worry.

He desires for us to obtain full freedom, not partial freedom.
He is the God of wholeness.
There is nothing that He does half way.
He does everything to completion.
He wants our lives to be complete and abundant in freedom!
He desires for us to just breathe in each moment as it comes.
One at a time.
Moment by moment.
 Breath by breath, leaving everything else in His hands.
He wants our trust.
He wants our knowing of Him, not tomorrow.

He wants us to savor the moments of now with Him and just breathe Him in.

It's in the breath of now that we will find His peace.

 

 It's taking one breath at a time, until we get to the next, then the next, and so on.

No more gasping for air in fear of what tomorrow may or may not bring.

Just breathing in...right here, right now.
Living abundantly in the breath of life that He brings to each moment.

When you find yourself in a place of fear, or worry, or doubt...just breathe.
When you find yourself in a desperate place...just breathe.
When you're gasping for air...just breathe.

Breathe Him in.
He's right there with you.
Just breathe.

"Just one more breath God. Give me strength for just one more breath."

 

 Matthew 6:25-34

 

"I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

 



 

 

When the rain won't cease.

 

 

 

 

Isaiah 44:3
For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground;
I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants.


I sit here on my couch, wrapped in a blanket.
listening to the rain fall on our roof.

As it hits the tin on the porch,
it creates its own melody.

I wonder, after three solid days,
will this rain ever end?

I look out of the diamond shaped window on my front door
to see what looks like ocean front property.

Our grass is covered in a blanket of water and new drops come and splash it with every passing second.

I wonder...
will this rain ever end?


For the course of a year,
we felt the rain fall on our lives.

It seemed as though the storms were never ending.

The rain just kept beating against us, time and time again.

My job became unbearable and God spoke into my heart to walk away from it,
to leave the burden, and the money.

My job, the money, they had slowly become my security.

But, He was all I really needed.
I had to simply trust Him.

Within a few weeks a spiral of storms began to hit us.

Tension filled our home and we began to use our words as weapons to jab one another with.
Our kids felt the blow of every hate filled word.
They each slowly pulled away, in their own way, putting space between our feud and their hearts.

Because of my recent job loss, we had to move out of our home that we had known and loved for over two years.

It was big and roomy, a perfect fit for our family of five.

We began to rebuild another home,
one much smaller than the one we were in.

One that held old memories of other storms.
Storms we wanted to forget.

But, we simply trusted Him.

We began to move out of our new home and rebuild our old one,
all the while our oldest was graduating highschool and preparing to leave home for college.

Another storm I was not ready to face.

Then He whispered to me saying,
"You will not return to work and you will homeschool your children."

The rain poured down on me.

I prayed that I had somehow misunderstood Him.

"How could I do that? I'm not prepared for that", I tried to explain to Him.

The rain, it came again.

My husband left his job to pursue an old trade,
because we just weren't making ends meet.

Things began to slowly get better and we were adjusting to our new life.

The sun peaked its head out.
Its rays kissed my cheek.

But not for long...
because the rain came again.


My daughter left home for college and it took all I had 
to keep my head above the water pounding down on me.
The letting go was not so easy.
I felt as though I was losing everything.

But, I trusted Him.

The rain continued to pour down on us.

This time, coming in a storm that would forever change us.

My husband had a stroke...
at 38 years old.
His body was weak and in need of therapy.
This strong man who took care of our family, was broken physically.
It left us with no income for over 8 weeks.

This rain...
 came with howling wind and roaring thunder.

I thought the rain would never cease.

We prayed,
"We don't know how much more we can take Lord? But, we will trust You. We will trust you."

I just wanted the rain to stop.

But this storm...
it was different than the others.

The rain poured in with something new.
Its melody made a sound I had never heard before.

The wind blew in with strength and power,
yet its gentle hand touched our shoulder.

The Thunder spoke into our lives saying,
"I'm right here. This is a new day. I'm working things out for your good. All things will be made new."

My husband, he found his way to the Cross.
His body and soul began to heal.
We began to love eachother in a new and better way, bringing life back into our marriage.
Provision rained down on our family, coming from every direction.
Debt was paid off.
We were given new friendships that would strengthen and carry us.
Our family found healing and restoration.
We all stood together as one and praised Him.
Our security, was found in Him.
 Our home felt like home... for the first time in a very long time.

We felt God's grace kiss our face and shine ever so brightly on our lives.


Isaiah 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.


With rain comes new growth.
With every drop comes the promise of new life.

We were living in the desert, trying to make it in our own wasteland.

But God, He wanted to bring us out of it.
His desire for us was so much greater than our own.

He had a plan to grow something new,
but it took some rain to grow it.

It took some storms to blow out the old,
 to make room for the newness He had for our family.

All of the storms were His greatness unfolding within our lives.
Bringing us to a place in Him and
making us realize how much we truly needed Him.

It gave us a greater Love for Him and one another.

He never brings a storm without fulfilling His promise.

Looking back now,
I can see that those months of rain,
those storms that seemed to never cease,
they were the best thing to hit our family.

Today we are stronger than ever before and it was all God's doing.
It was all Him.
It was His grace, so sufficient, rushing into our lives.

When it looks like the rain won't cease,
trust Him to bring something new from it.

Know that He is with you, and hasn't left you.
He stands in the rain with you.
What falls on you, falls on Him.
He will carry you through.

His grace is always more than enough.

He brings hope to a hopeless place.

Believe that He is working for your good,
and that He has a miracle waiting just for you.

His Grace will shine upon you and brighten up your life!


Job 9:10
We'll never comprehend all the great things He does;
His miracle-surprises can't be counted.


Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.



We all fall down.

 

 

  

Matthew 11:28-30

 Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find much rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.

 

 

 

I wrote a little blog the other day...

the one where I pretty much laid out my heart on the table for all to see.

 

I had my doubts, like I often do,

on the kind of response an honest blog like that would receive.

 

But, as I also often do,

I prayed.

 

I prayed that God would have His will with the post.

I prayed that He would send it to whoever needed to read it and go with it to cover them with His love in their time of need or suffering.

That it would bless someone.

Even only one.

 

I've been so overwhelmed with the positive responses from this blog post.

 

I have received emails, phone calls, text messages, facebook comments and private messages, and even my one very special comment here on the blog itself.

(I don't get many of those, but when I do...they mean the world to me!)

Several people even shared the post on their facebook wall and pinterest board.

"People bond more deeply over shared brokenness than they do over shared beliefs."
~Heather Kopp

 

I'm not at all giving myself credit here.

This was not me.

To be perfectly honest...

it was hard to pick myself up the other day.

Only by His grace was I able to get off the floor of despair.

 

This is all God's doing.

 

When I was in the midst of all of that hurt the other day,

 feeling beaten and knocked down emotionally,

I had one of two choices...

 

1. give up

or

2. keep moving

 

That's it.

I chose to keep moving forward because I heard God whispering in my ear to do so.

But, part of me didn't see an end to the mess.

 

 I prayed and pleaded with Him,

 

"Even though I am hurting God, and this situation is a huge mess,

I know that Your goodness will shine through. I know that you can turn this around for Your good. Take this cup Lord, because I can not do this without You."

 

When I began to receive all of the messages from friends and people I barely know,

I realized God was definitely working things out for His good.

He was doing exactly what I prayed for...
sending the post out to those who needed it and turning my mess into something beautiful.
He was touching their hearts as they read it.

He was turning my hurt around and using it to bless someone else.

Bringing beauty up out of the ashes of my despair.

I can't tell you how humbled I was by this.

 

It also showed me one very important thing...

 

we all fall down.

 

Most of the responses were from someone who was going through something similar that I was,

and desperately needed words of encouragement.

 

They didn't need to know the details of my situation either.

They just needed to know that someone feels the same way they do from time to time.

That someone else out there falls down from the blunt unexpected hit of life.

That when they get knocked down, there is hope of rising up.

 

They needed to know that we all fall down and need God.

 

One of my dearest friends filled up my facebook message box with encouraging scriptures.

(You know who you are...I love you!)

 

This one really spoke to me...

 

Hebrews 13:5-6 “

… God has said, ‘Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’”

 

He will never leave me.

He will never leave you.

 

He is our Helper.

The One whom we must scream out "Help!" to.

It is then that we hear His whisper,

"I haven't left you. I'm here, keep moving.  I will never leave you."

 

And sometimes,

He sends that help in the form of a person, a friend with an encouraging Word,

a hand to lift you up when you are down and the promise of Hope.

 

That is where God's grace is multiplied,

when we offer it to one another in love and encouragement.

 

And the enemy,

the one that thinks he's so slick...

will use another one of his old tricks to make you think that you are better off alone in your pain,

or that you can't help that person who needs to hear what your heart has to say to bring hope.

 

His plan is to break up the very thing God came to give us...

relationship.

Hope in Christ alone.

Intimacy with Him and one another.

 

 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

It’s better to have a partner than go it alone.
Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps,
But if there’s no one to help, tough!

 Two in a bed warm each other.
Alone, you shiver all night.

 By yourself you’re unprotected.
With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third?
A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.

 

 

I found this yesterday on a blog I read,  and it also blessed me.  

It reminded me of how God has placed us all here together.

To fight the good fight!

 Side by side, arm in arm, hands clinched.

 

You don't pass by the fallen.

Don't pass by the fallen.
The Spirit that rose Him from the dead ...is in you... so you fall back.
You stop and you gather the workers.
You come alongside and you encourage the broken down...

You hold the space.
You make the call.
You bring the meal.
You hold the hand.
You smile sincere.
You pray the prayers they can't.

You pray the prayers they can't.
You hold up what can't stand any longer.
Because He loves relationship... and He often brings you as the Provision for someone else.
He brought you here.
It is all about something so much bigger than you... than them...
You push your shoulder into that space... and you hold it for them...so they can breathe.
~~A Seed Inspired

 

 

I am so thankful for each and every one of you and the sweet messages you have taken the time to send me over the past few days.

 

What a sweet reminder it was to me that we all fall down.

  

And when we do,

  God is there to pick us up.

  

Jonah 2:2

He said: "In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry."



The 3D Mom

 

Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,
 and all these things will be given to you as well.

 

I find myself feeling very 3-dimensional lately.

 

It's much different than the usual feelings of emotion

 that move and flow through my life on a daily basis.

 

I've had the privelege of being a mom to three amazing and awesome young people.

 

They have stretched my life and heart in ways unimaginable and I am better because of it.
I should have known when they were born into my life to take space within my heart, that the stretching was bound to happen to make room for more Love.

 

Their love, in many ways, has healed me.

But, I have wondered what God is up to from time to time in this whole mothering thing.

I've asked Him...
"Ughh, are you sure I can bend that way God? Because it feels like I'm just going to break right here, right now, in this very spot."

On some days, I actually have been broken...
but He is quick to pick me up and mend my brokenness, only making me stronger because of it.

Using my weakness to bring out strength.
 

He has challenged me in ways that I did not expect,

 like where I am right now.

 

There is a 5 to 6 year gap between each of my children.

 

A gap that I have well appreciated over the years.

One that I know God planned out perfectly just for our family.

 

And lately,

it's the one thing that has made me feel 3-dimensional.

They are all so very different and require something different from me in this particular season of life.

Dimension 1:
 

My oldest daughter has been out of our house for a year and a half now.

She began her second year of Master's Commission (Bible College) this past September.

She will be 20 years old in January.

 

And as I type that number above, I let out a big sigh.

 

A sigh of... "Where has the time gone? Where did my little blonde curly haired girl go?"

 

She is an amazing young woman who is filled with such greatness.

She is determined to change the world around her and

fulfill the calling on her life no matter what the cost.

 

Her love for God runs deep and thick within her veins

and pulsates the heart that beats inside her chest.

She is creative and talented and has a true compassion for others.
She has no idea how beautiful and amazing she is, her humility is genuine.
But, she radiates. Simply radiates.
 

I am one proud Momma of that brilliant girl.

 

Our relationship has changed over the past year or so.

She needs me but doesn't need me all at the same time.

 

She needs my heart and my ears to listen to her go on and on about her days and what God has done in and through her. 

 

She explains her goings-on with such passion and zest and feeling and

I love her for that.

 

She still needs my advice and my direction,
 but done gently, sort of in the shadows,
and in a way that I haven't had to before.

She needs me... to let go, but hold on.
 

She needs me to let her find her own way now,

and be there to help her if she needs a direction every now and then.

 

Oh yes,

our relationship has changed...

but I feel it's for the better.

 

I feel it's what she needs,

what I need.

 

It's the letting go but holding on just enough.

 

 Just enough.

I remember the way I felt a little over a year ago when she left home.  On the ride home I felt as though my heart had been ripped from my chest and I could not breathe in those moments.  I cried with my entire body feeling as though my soul was being emptied out.
The days and weeks after would get worse as I saw the emptiness in our home that she once filled with her laughter, her beautiful voice echoing through the halls as she sang and played her guitar in worship to her Savior, and her sweet smile.

My heart felt torn between who she was becoming and who God was calling me to be.

I thought those feelings would last forever.

I walked into the bathroom at church this past Sunday and saw my sweet friend crying, because she too had recently saw her son off to college the same way, and her heart was still raw where it had been torn with goodbyes.

I hugged her and said,
"It's okay to feel sad right now and this too shall pass.  One day you will celebrate where he is and your heart will heal."

I realized with those few words spoken, that that is just where I was now.

Even though there are days that I miss her so very much and I find myself staring at her empty chair at the kitchen table wishing things to be the way they once were,

I can now celebrate where she is and where I am.
My heart has healed.

What a gift to be her Mom, what a gift to be right where we are today.


Dimension 2:

My second daughter is 15.

This girl has rocked my world.

She couldn't be more opposite from her older sister,
but she is every bit as great and brilliant.

I learned through this young girl that no two children are alike and no two children can be parented the same.

She is unique in every way and I love her so much for that.

She is creative and passionate in all areas of life.
She is not just the brightness of the sun,
but she is the moon...
and if she had it her way,
she'd walk it one day.

She is adventurous and clever and her sweetness is felt by everyone she comes in contact with.

Her love for God is gentle and pure,
not outspoken...
but very personal.

She's beginning to find her way in who she is in Him
 and it has unlocked even more greatness within her.

 

 She needs me in the now. Today, right here.
She needs me to keep her life balanced as it wants to toss her around with new emotions,
choices and challenges.

She needs me to tell her "no" when her strong will screams "yes" to something that might not be the best for her.

Those days aren't always my favorite,
and they tear me in bits and sometimes drain me of all my energy causing me to hold my breath in emotional exhaustion.

But when she comes to me later waving her little white flag of surrender,
sometimes hidden in a little smile
or the tiny gesture of wanting me to sit in her room with her as she folds her clothes
or even in handing me half of her Smores Pop-tart,
I know, that my heart will live another day.

That we, her and I, are growing together.

Being her Mom has blessed my heart to overflowing.
This girl, in all her wonder,
will one day change the world around her.

Dimension 3:

My son just made 10 years old.
Yes, double digits. Meaning, no more little ones in our home.
I sigh, again.

He is the sweetest, most gentle creature I have ever met.

He came to us at a time when the hope for our growing family had ceased.

You would think that by now, I would be some sort of a pro at this whole mothering thing, but the rasing of this man child has definitely stretched me.

Girls I know, well somewhat, because I am one.
But this whole boy thing?

Wow.

How does a female raise a future man, leader of his one day family and home?

How?

I'm not all sure on most days, but I'm learning a little more every day.

I've actually begun reading,
Hope for the Weary Mom: Where God Meets You in Your Mess, A Guide to Raising Godly Men.

I know I won't find all the answers I seek within the pages of this book.
That can only be found in hiding myself in His grace, in His Word and in His presence,
but I do hope to find something that makes me feel a little more normal in my worry of what to do, or what to say, or how to breathe in all of this.


I've definitely mellowed out a bit with my son and have allowed my own mistakes to embrace the Grace that God has so freely given to me.

My little guy has made me smile until my face hurts.
He has the most contagious laugh.
He gives the best hugs.

He, has been my friend.

He is intelligent, yet quiet and courageous and very eager to find his way.

He asks me all the time what his gift is.

He wants so much to know his God-given purpose.
Even at such a young age,
he desires to know God and make Him known.

He lives and breathes video games and soccer,
 from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed at night.

The other day we were at soccer practice.
I watched him from my lawn chair as he listened intently at the other children talking around him.

He is so much like his father...a man of few words.

But when he speaks, you'd better believe what he says will have great depth, emotion and meaning.

I watch him listening to them, and I see the love in his eyes for his friend as one of them begins to down himself and his ability to be goalie in the next soccer game.

His little blue eyes filled with compassion stare on as he listens to his friend, never interupting him.

And then I see him put his little hand on the space behind his friend's neck rubbing his back, comforting him.

I hear him quietly say,
"You are a great goalie. You just have to believe in yourself."

My heart melts.

He holds the same characteristic as His Savior.
He is a friend among men.
An encourager.

He needs me, all of me, every day, all the time.

He has been this Momma's heart's delight.


So here I am, the 3D Mom.

Raising and loving three kids, who are all very different in mind, emotion, needs and age.
Whose life and heart is being stretched and pulled on some days...
yet fulfilled and blessed on most.

I find comfort in knowing that God is here with me every step of the way,
gently drawing me closer to Him,
 as I gently guide them closer to Him.

Being 3-dimensional means having more depth in the way you
 see and feel something. It gives you the opportunity of embracing something from all angles and all areas. 

3D allows you to have the full effect of something.

The full effect.

God has surely given me the full 3D effect as their Mom.
They have made me challenge myself, doubt myself, and love myself all in the same day.
They have brought out dimensions that I never even knew existed.
They have caused me to feel emotions I never knew I could.
They have caused me to love harder and feel stronger.
I would not be who I am without them.
 I feel blessed to embrace all of 3 of them in every season of their life and mine.

These 3 kids of mine have awakened my soul to new heights and more love than I could ever imagine.

They take up space within my heart and my life and
I wouldn't have it any other way.

We are heart roomies for life!

I want to embrace and see and feel it all.
Every ounce.

So, I'll continue doing my best to find my way in this whole mothering thing.
This wonderful and crazy journey, that shifts and winds and turns on the blink of an eye.

This unimaginable path, I have been honored to be on.

This Mom thing...them needing me to LOVE them with all that I am,
is the best thing,
ever.


Micah 6:8

But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women.
It's quite simple:
Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don't take yourself too seriously--take God seriously.

How has motherhood stretched you?

Do you ever feel like a 3D Mom?

Please feel free to share in the comment section below.