Wherever it takes me.

 

 

 

 

 

Galatians 5:7

You were running a good race.  Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the One who calls you.  "A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough."  I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view. The one who is throwing you into confusion, whoever that may be, will have to pay the penalty.

 

 

Something happened a few weeks ago, that really had my heart wrecked.

 

It caused me to be an emotional mess for several days.

 

I reached sort of a crossroad in an area of my life.

 

A decision had to be made.

A hard decision.

A tough decision.

One that involved people that I care deeply about.

One that would effect many people I love.

One that could hurt friendships.

 

The feelings it caused me to have were out of my character and I didn't know where it was all coming from or how to sort through them.

 

It made me physically sick. I was a wreck.

 

The thing is...I didn't like the decision I had to make.

Even though I knew it was the one I was supposed to make, I still struggled with it.

 

I began to question:

People may be mad at me?

They may not like me anymore?

It may make me look like a bad person?

 

All the questions that it raised were all about me and how the outcome would effect me.

 

I had to stop myself. I had to pray about it. Really, really pray and seek God's direction.

 

Peace began to fill my heart as God showed me that the decision I was making, wasn't about me at all. There was a greater purpose within it and I didn't need to know what it was just yet. All I needed to do was to obey the call on my heart to make the decision.

 

The heart confusion that I was feeling was me fighting my own flesh to obey the call.  The enemy began to bring confusion in from all directions. Opinions from others began to try and sway me. My mind swirled with the question of the unknown.

 

 

I'd been studying the book of Exodus for several weeks.  God reminded me of Moses and how he too struggled with obeying the call that God had given him.  He begged God to pick someone else. Someone who was stronger.  Someone who was more qualified.  He feared that he would be made fun of, or disliked, or not be understood. His heart was wrecked. He was an emotional mess.

 

I get it, Moses, I totally get it.

 

I started this year with three words.  God gave them to me right before the new year began.

 

"Boldness to Obey"

 

That's it.

 

I began to let the words seep into my heart and spirit.

 

I prayed,

"God, give me the boldness to obey You. To do whatever you ask. No matter what that might look like. More of you, God. Less of me.  "

 

Lo and behold...there I was, just a few weeks later, in a tough situation where I needed to have the boldness to obey.

 

I (we) decided to obey Him, no matter the cost, no matter the outcome, trusting His guidance.

 

Will people be mad at me? Probably.

Will they not like me anymore? Maybe.

Will it make me look like a bad person? Most likely.

That part is difficult. It feels good to be loved, and liked, and cherished, and thought of as good. I'm just learning that you can have all of those things with someone and not necessarily have them agree with all of your decisions and vise versa. That too, can be difficult.

 

God never promised that the call on our life would be easy. He never said we'd have an audience of applause waiting for us. He promised blessing with obedience. His blessing.

He said it would be worth it, and it will not go unfinished.

 

 

Philippians 1:6

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Moses obeyed.

He lost friends. He lost the only family he had ever known. He spent years alone in the wilderness.  People thought he was a little nuts.  People didn't understand. 

People didn't like him anymore.

 

But, that decision to obey, whether difficult or easy, or full of doubt and fear of the future...

led to the deliverance of hundreds of thousands of people into the Promised Land.

 

All God needed was his obedience.

Not his understanding.

Just his obedience.

 

The thing is...God didn't just lead Moses, He loved Moses. He protected Moses.

 

I truly want the boldness to obey.

I want to go wherever He leads.

Whatever that looks like...I want to obey.

 

Psalm 138:8

The LORD will vindicate me; your love, LORD, endures forever-- do not abandon the works of your hands.

 

God has shut a door for us. 

It took me by surprise.

I didn't see it coming.

He has asked us to keep the door shut. Not to open it until His timing is perfect. I'm not sure when that will be. Or if it will ever be.

 

But, I trust Him.  I fully trust His good for us. For our children. For our family.  I trust that His love for us will never waver. I trust that He will protect us. I trust Him to right the wrongs. I trust that He is all knowing. He sees the picture in its entirety. I see but a glimpse.   And even in my moments of doubt, or question, or fear, I want to obey Him.

 

His LOVE is all I need. It outweighs anything this world can offer.

 

It's always enough and I want to go wherever it takes me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



I'm disappointed, but...

 

 

 

 

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths.  These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

~~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

 

 

Psalm 94:18-19

When I said, "My foot is slipping," your unfailing love, LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

I'm disappointed.

 

Disappointed that we are in a familiar place again. Disappointed at what this place brings to our lives. Nobody likes it. We just go along doing our best to survive it.

 

Isaac's body is experiencing referred reaction to months and months of chronic reflux. He has scar tissue that has built up in his body from all of the acid from his tummy before and after his artery repair surgery. Over time, this scar tissue has grown and is now causing chronic rhinitis and obstructive sleep apnea. He has begun to sleep with his neck tilted far back, in order to compensate for the lack of air he is breathing in through his nose and mouth. He slept like that for the first year of his life when he first experienced obstructive sleep apnea. There are a few other domino effects that it's causing throughout his body that we are keeping a watch on.   He will undergo a ct scan within the next few weeks and another surgery or two, to cut away the scar tissue so that he can breathe easier at night. The ct scan will also revisit an area of abnormality that was found on his brain when he was just a few months old.

 

It's been over 3 weeks now, that we're going about our day on about 4-5 hours of sleep a night. All of us.  It's beginning to take a toll on the household. We do our best to keep things as normal as possible around here, but some days, it's just not doable. I think we all want to scream at times, because we can't believe that we are revisiting a season that we prayed so hard to get out of. One that we lived in for over a year.

 

Medicine regimens have changed and increased and now we give Isaac 9 different medicines during a 24 hour period. A few of them we give 4 times a day. For a busy toddler, who doesn't know that he is sick or not sick, mainly because this is all he's ever known, this just doesn't fit into his schedule. He'd much rather be playing with blocks or dirt, instead of being held down for another breathing treatment.

 

 

We celebrated his birthday this past weekend with family and friends. It was a day that reminded us to take in all of the joy and put the hard stuff on the shelf for the day. The hard stuff? We've seen our share over the past 2 years. On most days, I can honestly say that I get into a groove of "we got this". We've survived worse than this, right? This should seem easy to pros like us.  But, when I am finally in the quiet of my van on the way to the post office or to the local supermarket, my tears say otherwise. Frankly, I'm tired. Physically and emotionally tired. 

 

Don't get me wrong, I adore this boy with every fiber within me. I can handle the medicine schedule and the sleepless nights. If I push myself hard enough, I can even wear a smile on my face that no one would even think to guess was fake. But, watching your child suffer and continue to struggle with physical illness, gets old. It doesn't get any easier. My heart breaks because of it. It drains me to empty on most days.

 

 

People aren't always easy to deal with either, whether it be the nurses or physicians, or people in the waiting room with us.  Isaac has severe anxiety disorder in doctor's offices. He begins to feel it as soon as the door opens and he takes in every medical device on the wall, or even the familiar fish tank that seems to be in all of the waiting rooms.  He whines and moans until they call his name, in which he then begins to cry and cling to me. The clinging soon turns into fight or flight whaling and thrashing as he sees the examining table in the room we are assigned to. People just don't get it. They don't know his history unless they spend hours reading his medical folder. They just see a screaming toddler or a very loud obnoxious- misbehaving- thrashing toddler. And really...I get tired explaining to people why he is the way that he is. And compassion doesn't run deep in everyone. I smile through my tired and sweat filled body, while I fight to hold him and do my best to soothe him. They don't know the internal struggle that's going on inside both of us.

 

 

Then there are people who know his history.

The people that have seen us walk through the past two years.

I know their heart is genuine for the most part. I know that they love us and our boy. We have seen Jesus in the face of many, many people. People that we would not have expected to bless us, have blessed our socks off at times. Friendships have surfaced that are absolutely a blessing and friendships have faded from the awkwardness of our "situation". People don't always know what to say or do in situations like ours. Situations that seem to last for seasons and seasons.  Comments like, "Oh, he's sick again?" or "Oh, you poor guys." or "He looks so healthy.  Are you sure he's sick?" or "You just gotta have faith".  They ask how he's doing in hopes that you are going to say that he's doing great. And most of the time, I say that he is, because at the time, in the middle of the day, he's fine. When in reality, our nights are a nightmare. I used to look forward to bedtime, but now, it makes me nervous. I kind of hate it.  But, people don't want to hear that. They want to hear that he's doing good. They want to know that you are doing good, even though you're not. It's just a weird place to be. I pray all the time that my frustration and discontent in where we are does not reflect from my mouth towards others. I pray that my words are gentle and full of hope and strength. I pray that people see more of Him, and less of me. I pray that I reflect His grace over and over again.   But, sometimes, I just need to be real with myself. It's just hard all the way around.

 

My precious friend wrote a blog a week or so ago. I read it and sobbed and cheered and clapped like a crazy seal. It was as though she looked through the window of my heart and saw all the emotions inside of it. She's in a hard season with her own child. She really put things into perspective when it comes to dealing with others while they are in a hard place. She's pretty amazing! If you aren't following her blog, you should be. There's also an opportunity to bless her family at the bottom of each post.

http://www.bayoubelles.com/2015/09/lessons-learned-how-to-respond-to.html

 

 

Yesterday, as I watched my little doodlebug play in the dirt outside, I talked with God. I told Him how disappointed I was to be where we are, again. It's not exactly the same, and I am thankful that our boy's heart and esophagus are healed, but it's a familiar place I just didn't want to revisit.  I cried and let Him know what I thought of our situation.  And then I sat in the quiet as my tears hit my lap.  He gently reminded me of this scripture:

 

Psalm 34:18

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

 

Disappointed people have broken hearts. Disappointed people feel like their spirits are crushed.

 

That's me.

 

He is close to the disappointed. He is close to the broken hearted. He is close to those who are crushed in spirit. He is close. 

 

God knows that there will be times that our hearts will be crushed, times that we will be disappointed with our circumstance. And He promises to be close to us. He declares it. The word "is" declares it so. "Is" is a state of being. A place of current existence. In the midst of my disappointment, He IS close to me. He exists in the same space as I do.   He IS with me. He IS my God.

 

 

It's okay for me to feel this way. It's okay for me to not want to be here, to not want to relive this place with our boy.  Life is just that way sometimes, disappointing.

 

The scripture goes on to say:

 

Psalm 34:19



The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;

Just because I am disappointed right now, doesn't mean that I don't believe He will deliver us, just like He did before. It doesn't mean I've lost my faith.  It's just a place I am right now. It only determines my current position, not my destination. 

 

I know that we will one day see this season as a distant memory. I know what my God is capable of. I know that the Redeemer redeems all things.  But, for now, this place is very real to us. It's where we are. It's our normal.

 

Proverbs 24:16
"for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again,"

 

 

Last night, I laid in bed with our little guy as we read one of the new books he received for his birthday. We snuggled and giggled as we read the book over and over again. In that moment, everything was just as it should be, perfect.

 

I'm disappointed, but it won't last forever.

 

 

Psalm 71:5-8

For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord,

my confidence since my youth.

From birth I have relied on you;

you brought me forth from my mother’s womb.

I will ever praise you.

I have become a sign to many;

you are my strong refuge.

My mouth is filled with your praise,

declaring your splendor all day long.

 

 

Psalm 71:14

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.

 

 



 

 

 

 

 



When He leans.

 

Psalm 116:1-2
I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.

 

 

Friends tell me all the time that I have what it takes to do this.

That God knew this sweet boy needed me. That he needed what only I could give him.

 

 

And each time I hear my friends say that...

I feel less than qualified.

 

In eight days, our little guy will undergo a major operation.

They will open his tiny little chest and repair an artery near his heart that has caused him more trouble than all of us expected.

 

And I wonder,

"How on earth am I prepared or qualified to handle this?"

 

I wonder, on some days, when I am so tired that I can't even remember the last time I bathed and sleeping becomes more important than eating, if God should have given this little angel to a twenty something-ball of energy-conquer the world-super girl...rather than me.

 

 

I question it...

where this invisible strength and ability that other people see stems from.

 

Your Grace abounds in deepest waters.

 

The past few days have been the hardest.

The questions I ask are the same but different.

"How do I do this, God? How do I hand my baby over to these doctors to perform this surgery? How?"
 

 

I try to wrap my mind around what is about to happen and I fall apart in tears at the drop of the smallest hat.

 

I'm in deep, real deep.

 

This is more than I can handle.

 

This is big, and I feel very small.

 

I wrote the struggle of this journey in a blog post a while back. It was at the beginning when we were just finding out about the health issues Isaac was having. At the time, all I could do was lean into God, because I felt my feet were failing me.

 

Around every corner they come...the tears.
They fall and they fall and I lean and I lean.

 The weakness takes over and I just want to fall over more and more.

I can barely feel my feet beneath me.
My heart is heavy.

 

That was almost seven months ago.

Since then, I have seen more than my momma's eyes and heart could imagine.

I have seen more needles poked into his soft fragile arms than I can count.

I have held him down screaming for the doctors to run test after test after test.

I have rocked a sick and tired baby for hours and hours and hours.
I have memorized the sound his heart beat makes as he has slept on my chest night after night.
I have laid my hands on his little body and prayed healing prayers until I have become breathless.

 

And today, as we finally have the answers we have searched for all these months, those feet...

have finally failed me and I feel as though I am falling flat on my face.

The energy to get back up...well, it's just not there.

 

My smallness gets even smaller.

 

But, that's when it happens...

The Leaning.

Not mine...but His.

 

 

Love that goes upward is worship;
 love that goes outward is affection;
 love that stoops is Grace.
~~Donald Grey Barnhouse

 

It's at the moment when I have collapsed in my weakness, that He leans into me.
  

As my chin falls to the floor, He lifts it up gently towards Him.

 

And He reminds me.

 

That He is all that I need.

That I don't have to be strong in every moment that comes.
That He is my help when I feel helpless.

Psalm 46:1
 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble.

Within His touch, my smallness doesn't seem to matter anymore...because His greatness is all I see.

His presence is all I feel.

 

  I begin to weep and say His name Jesus, over and over with grief ridden breathlessness.
Then He leans in,
 He hears
 and He knows.
 He knows my heart is heavy, worried and overflowing with love for this little boy.
He knows that I feel unqualified, unprepared, and less than enough.

 

 Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
 

He leans toward me, whispers softly into my heart the reason why I am qualified for this journey...

"Because you are mine and you were made for this."

And just as Sarah laughed when the Angel of The Lord told her she'd have a child in her old age, just as I laughed when God spoke those words to me... I giggle under my breath...
"Oh, God, You must know something that I don't."


Then I am reminded of the suitcase that is packed in my bedroom and sitting in the baby's crib.
I see it in my mind, the mountain of clothes and necessities being packed to be away from home with Isaac as he undergoes cardiac surgery.

Then I remember something else...

I've had a bag packed for over 7 months now.
I keep it tucked away in my closet. It's a small overnight bag. It has a set of clean clothes, toiletries and pajamas inside. Everything I need for an emergency trip is in that small bag.
We've visited the hospital so many times in this little boy's life, that I have kept a bag packed just in case. Just in case.
I tried many times to unpack it, but I could never get myself to do it.

He shows me that this suitcase represents my preparedness. It represents my readiness to go where He leads me. Its size represents how small I feel up against this giant we are about to face. But, still in all, it carries what I need. I may not have known why I packed the bag or where I was going, but I was ready to go and had everything I needed already inside of it.

I had everything I needed already inside of it.

I have everything I need already inside of me.
It's been tucked away for such a time as this.
And even though I feel small, there is greatness on the inside of me.
I carry everything I need inside of me.

God is that greatness.

God is that everything.

He is everything.

John 15:9
"For without me you can do nothing."

As this revelation becomes clearer and clearer to me, He leans in closer...
"You have Me. I am enough. I am all you need."

 

He is strong enough to hold me when I can not stand.
He is strong enough to hold me.
He is strong enough.

 He is enough.

 

He leans even closer, and His voice resonates in my heart as He speaks life into this baby...
"You don't hand him to them. You hand him to Me. I am enough for you and I am enough for him."

 

 I see Him stretching His arms out for me to collapse into them.
  I feel the warmth of His embrace as my tears mingle together as they fall at His feet.
I see the love in His eyes as He becomes ALL that I need and more.
I hear the comfort in His voice as He reminds me who He is. Because today, right now, in this very moment...
I need Him to be all that He says He is.


Luke 18:27
"But He said, 'What is impossible with men is possible with God.'"

When He leans...I don't feel so small anymore,
because His greatness is on the inside of me.

  He is everything I need.

He is enough.


Psalm25:5
"Lead my by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you."



Please be in prayer with us as we approach Isaac's day of surgery and believe with us...
 that God is more than enough.



Where I find myself.

 

 

 

 

When my daughter was about 3 years old,

we attended an out of state family reunion for my side of the family.

 

My family is quite large,

 being that I have oodles of siblings. Twelve to be exact.

We're more like a litter actually.

When we all get together it can be quite overwhelming for even us "big kids".

 

We arrived early to take in as much of the weekend as possible and soak up as many hugs and laughs as we could.

 

It was the first time my little one had been around so many family members at one time.

 

As the cars pulled up and the adults and children poured from their vehicles,

I could see that she was getting a little apprehensive toward the whole "reuniting" of the family members.

 

In no time, there were people everywhere.

 Adults were laughing and hugging.

Children were running around, playing and giggling loudly.

Unfamiliar faces were running past her, some stopping to question her name and some stooping down to kiss her on the cheek.

Everyone scurried around, to either greet the next family to arrive or gather up the covered meal brought with happy smiles.

The environment around her became quite busy, rather quickly.

 

For this little one, it was even more overwhelming.

 

After everyone had arrived,

I sat down on the porch swing and began to visit with a couple of my sisters.

 

We began talking, laughing and reminiscing with one another.

 

When...

I felt a little tug on my leg.

 

As I finished my sentence, I looked down and there was my little girl,

a little sweaty and smelly from the morning's overwhelming adventure,

urging me to let her sit on my lap.

 

I pulled her up and she nestled herself on my lap, fitting perfectly in the crook of my arm.

As her little body finished snuggling next to me, she let out a deep sigh.

 

And there she sat for the next hour,

looking and taking in all of the busyness around her...

but from the comfort of my lap.

 

I don't know if it was the fear of the unknown,

the busy crowd that had finally been too much for her,

the questioning of unfamiliar faces,

the dozens of wet kisses,

 if she just needed to sit in her safe place needing a rest,

if she just needed to reassure herself, amongst the dozens of faces, who she belonged to,

or if she needed to see things from a different view.

 

Whatever it was,

she had found it sitting on my lap for those 60 minutes.

 

She never moved. She sat still as could be.

I could feel her little racing heart as it slowed down in relaxation with every passing minute.

 

 

Then,

without a notice or a warning...

she made another deep sigh,

looked up at me smiling sweetly,

and climbed down off my lap to rejoin the children playing.

 

In the quiet, she had found what she had searched for.

 

 

Psalm 91:2

This I declare about the LORD:

He alone is my refuge,

 my place of safety;

 He is my God, and I trust him.

 

 

This is where I find myself lately...

tugging on His leg,

needing to climb up on my Father's lap,

nestling myself in the crook of His arm.

 

 

Maybe it's the fear of the unknown,

this sometimes overwhelming, but wonderful new journey we are on,

the busy crowd around me that seems to be too much lately,

the dozens of questions from onlookers and doubters,

the need for my safe place to find rest,

 just needing to see things from a different view... 

or maybe,

 just maybe,

 to remind myself to Whom I belong.

 

No matter what it is,

I find it nestled in Him, in His presence, on His lap.


Psalm 18:35
You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great.

I find what it is my heart searches for. 

In the stillness. In who He is.
 

In Him...is where I find myself.

 

 

Psalm 91:1

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

 

 

As I get snuggled in closely to Him, letting out a deep sigh,

He catches every apprehensive breath I take and gives me new breath to breathe.

Reviving my soul within the quiet,
and settling my heart with each passing moment.

 

Giving me what I need to continue on this journey.

 

 

I am the daughter of the King.

Who is not moved by the world.

For my God is with me and goes before me.

I do not fear because I am His.

 

 

Psalm 119:57-64

You are my portion, Lord;
    I have promised to obey your words, I have sought your face with all my heart;
    be gracious to me according to your promise.
 I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes.
 I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.
 Though the wicked bind me with ropes,  I will not forget your law.
At midnight I rise to give you thanks for your righteous laws.
 I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.
 The earth is filled with your love, Lord;  teach me your decrees.

 

 

 



When He parts the waters...

 

"When we live for the glory of God,
we show His goodness living through us instead of just living for ourselves." 
~~ Beth Moore

 

I have not blogged in over two months.

 

I have been busy trying to keep up with God and all that He is doing in our lives.

 I've literally had to hold on with all my might,
white knuckles clinching,
 breathless with anticipation and...
 trust Him.

 

Something BIG is happening.

Something that is coming soon.

Something that is going to change our lives in such a miraculous beautiful way.

Something that only God could have orchestrated in our lives.

 

Something that will bring glory to the One who is Glory.

 

As we have begun to share what God is doing,

I am happy to say that we have an array of friends and family

that have rallied around us to see this through.

 

They have wrapped us in such a sweet love embrace

and it makes my heart full each time I think of them.

 

They have prayed with us and laughed with us and even cried with us.

 

But on the other hand...

there are the "nay-sayers".

 

Those that have a hard time believing that it will happen.

 

In their disbelief or doubt,

they have chosen to try and pull me close to them.
They have attempted to push a black cloud over this beautiful amazing thing.
Even to the point of toppling me with words of unworthiness.

 

"But what if it doesn't happen?"

"What will you do?"

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Don't you worry that it's too good to be true?"
"I don't know if this is a good idea for you."

Those are some of the nicer things that have been said.
There have been others.

 

On most days, I have chosen NOT to let them pull me under.

I choose to believe. I choose to know who my God is.
I choose to keep my eyes on Him, and Him alone.

Then there are those days that those words of doubt and fear from others have crept in
and almost succeeded to steal the joy that can only be God given.

On those days, I do the only thing I know to do...
bury my face into His loving arms and wait for His plan to unfold in me.

I could do my best to answer their questions,
but I feel as though my breath would be wasted.

If I focus on them, then I take my eyes off of God and what He is doing,
and honestly...
I don't want to miss one moment of this beautiful journey that He has us on.
 

Instead,

 

 I think of Moses...
 at the moment that He reached the Red Sea followed by a mass of unbelieving Israelites and his enemy nipping at his heal.

I can imagine the crazy looks he received and the questions that were thrown at him from
those that tried to take him by the hand and pull him into their doubt.

And for a moment...maybe he did doubt.

But then,
as the winds blew off of the raging waters before him,
God whispered into his heart, the promise.
 The dream. His purpose.

Moses did nothing but believe in the God that had brought Him to that very place.
That very moment. That very second.


As God began to part the waters and raise them to the heavens creating a safe path for him and the Israelites to flee from their enemies,
I can just picture Moses' face.
I can imagine the glory words that came from his lips towards His God.

The God of Promise was keeping His promise to Moses.

And all Moses did was walk forward into God's obedience.
He surrendered to God as a vessel for His BIG plan.
He walked into God's plan with a willing heart.
With a heart longing to be used by His MIGHTY God.


God told Moses he would get glory over Pharaoh and prove that the Lord is God. After the Hebrews left Egypt, the king changed his mind and was angry that he had lost his source of slave labor. He summoned his 600 best chariots, all the other chariots in the land, and marched his massive army in pursuit. The Israelites seemed to be trapped. Mountains stood on one side, the Red Sea in front of them. When they saw Pharaoh's soldiers coming, they were terrified. Grumbling against God and Moses, they said they would rather be slaves again than die in the desert.   Moses answered the people,
"Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you;
 you need only to be still."
(Exodus 14:13-14, NIV)


That is where I find myself today...
walking forward into obedience, with a willing heart longing to be used by my Mighty God.
Being still as God fights for me.
Allowing His peace to flow over me like a gentle rushing river.

In those moments,
 as the people walked on the dry bottom of the Red Sea,
walls of water flowing up beside them,
God's GLORY was seen by all.

All of the unbelievers, believed.

All of the doubters, saw.

All of the nay-sayers, hushed.

All of those who did not know God, met Him.

All of those with complaining lips, now had lips full of Praise.


The angel of God, in a pillar of cloud, stood between the people and the Egyptians, protecting the Hebrews. Then Moses stretched his hand out over the sea. The Lord caused a strong east wind to blow all night, parting the waters and turning the sea floor into dry land.  During the night, the Israelites fled through the Red Sea, a wall of water to their right and to their left. The Egyptian army charged in after them. Watching the chariots race ahead, God threw the army into a panic, clogging their chariot wheels to slow them down. Once the Israelites were safe on the other side, God commanded Moses to stretch out his hand again. As morning returned, the sea rolled back in, covering the Egyptian army, its chariots and horses. Not one man survived.

After witnessing this great miracle,
the people believed in the Lord and his servant Moses.

 

My God lives.

And He is a BIG God.

Capable of ALL things impossible or unfathomable or unbelievable or unimaginable.
He is the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses and Mary.
His hand was on each of them and His purpose fulfilled in all.

And that same God? He lives in me.

He lives through me.

This life I live is not my own and I have but one request...

that He use me.

 

That is it.

To use me,
 to let someone see His reflection in my life,
so that they would know His love to be real and tangible.
So that they might feel His amazing grace flow into their life.

 

It amazes me still,
that He would use such ordinary people,
like you and me,
without any bells and whistles,
to reveal His greatness and His glory and His love to others.

We serve the God of the angel armies!
The Miracle Maker.
The Promise Keeper.
The Dream Creator.

He holds this earth that we stand on in the palm of His hands
and His breath breathes life into every thing that lives.

He is capable of things our minds can not begin to comprehend.
Wonderful, beautiful, amazing things!

And you know what?
His dream and plan for you will happen.
Not everyone is going to believe it,
 or see the dream that God has placed on your heart,
but that's okay.
He only needs you to believe in it.

Sometimes,
you might even have to celebrate...just you and God.
And that...is okay.
Party of two.
 Woohoo!!

(I hear He's a pretty good party thrower. He's preparing one huge Party for us right now!)

The thing is...

my job is not to wonder if He will fulfill what He has said,

my job is to know that He can.

So,
I walk forward
into God's plan for us.

With an expectant heart.
Believing. Knowing.

Watching...
for when He receives all GLORY for this BIG beautiful thing that He is doing.

And when He parts the waters...
and I feel the wet droplets hit my cheeks,
 from the walls of water to my left and to my right,
 I will lift my eyes to the Promise Keeper,
and
I will rejoice in knowing that He is God.

Exodus 15:1-3 Then Moses and the Israelites sang this song to the Lord, "I will sing to the Lord for He is highly exalted.  Both horse and driver has hurled into the sea. The Lord is my strength and my defense, He has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise Him, my Father's God and I will exalt Him."



Why kittens and sheep have so much in common.

 

 

 

 

 

Luke 1:78-79

Through the heartfelt mercies of our God, God's Sunrise will break in upon us,

Shining on those in the darkness, those sitting in the shadow of death,

Then showing us the way, one foot at a time, down the path of peace.

 

 

 

My family and I spent this past weekend camping at a deer lease with some friends.

 

It was relaxing to be out in the middle of practically nowhere,

 with the quiet of the trees and the sounds of nature,

especially after the busyness of the Christmas holiday.

 

We came home yesterday afternoon to something we did not expect.

 

Our momma cat had 3 kittens this past Thursday.

 

As I approached her and her little ones after we got home,

I noticed that one wasn't moving.

 

We did what we could,

but without any luck...

the little guy didn't make it.

 

Being a family full of animal lovers,

we were all very saddened.

 

We weren't sure what happened to it or why it died so suddenly.

It didn't matter to us really, we were just sad that it was gone.

 

We then noticed that the smallest kitten wasn't eating well and looked weak.

 

My son, the future Zoologist, looked at me with his little sad eyes and said,

 

"Aren't we going to do something to save this one Mom? We have to save her Mom, whatever it takes."

 

 In the fear of the same thing happening again,

we decided to begin giving supplements to the small kitten by bottle feeding her.

 

Little did I know,

that this would be an all night job.

 

Baby kittens eat quite often at their own disposal,

having a 24 hour buffet at their hands.

 

We had to begin feeding her every 2 hours around the clock.

 

(When I say we, I mean me.)

 

I set my clock to wake up with her every couple of hours and feed her as much as her little tummy could hold...

and each time she began to get a little stronger.

 

At first, she didn't trust me much and wiggled and squirmed to get away from me.

 

She would meow this little pathetic noise trying to call out for help.

 

Even in her weakness,

 she exhausted herself trying to fight me when I was only trying to help her.

 

In the early morning hours,

about the fourth time I woke up to feed her...

she nestled close to me and began to purr softly.

She didn't fight me and had figured out that I wasn't trying to hurt her,

 but help her.

 

She quickly latched on to the bottle and began to eat as though her life depended on it.

At one point she grabbed the cap of the bottle with her tiny little paws and let out a great big breath,

as to say...

"Okay, I give up."

 

 

 

 

You are probably wondering where this post is going right about now.

 

I do have a point.

 

As I sat with the little kitten last night,

I thought of how much the little kitten represented us as God's sheep.

 

My daughter gave a small piece of her testimony at a benefit concert a couple of weeks ago.

 

She spoke on how lost she was at one point in her life,

and how God searched her out.

 

She said something that has been on my heart ever since,

 

"God will go after you no matter where you are. It doesn't matter why you are lost or why you are broken, it just matters that you are. He doesn't care about the details of why you are lost, just that you are. He will go after you and do no matter what it takes to bring you back to Himself."

 

In the lyrics of a song my daughter wrote and sang that night,

 it says...

 

It doesn't matter what you say.

It doesn't matter what walls you build.

He comes to purify.

He comes to fill.

He goes after the one.

He goes after the one.

Father, Spirit, Son,

He goes after the one.

Don't doubt His love for you,

because He will run after the one.

 

 

Luke 15:3-7

Then Jesus told them this parable:

  “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?  And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."

 

 

The thing I thought of in the middle of the night was how we fight Him when He comes after us.

 

We wiggle and we squirm to get away from Him,

thinking that He is going to harm us or change us.

 

Even in our weakness, we exhaust ourselves trying to fight Him,

when He is only trying to help us.

To strengthen us.

 

Maybe we don't trust what we don't know.

Maybe His love is something we have never felt before and the foreignty of it scares us.

Maybe, just maybe...

we don't feel worthy of the life He comes to bring.

Maybe the thought of surrendering,

makes us think we lose something in the process.

 

The thing is...

He doesn't come to change us,

He comes to make us new.

He comes to make us better.

He comes to give, not to take.

 

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.

 The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

 

He comes to purify. He comes to fill.

 

He doesn't wait until we leave our brokenness or the place where we are lost, 

He meets us smack dab in the middle of it,

healing us within it.

 

Psalm 40:2-3

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.  

 

He shows us His beauty in the midst of it all.

 

Just like that little kitten...

or the lost sheep...

He will do anything to save just one,

whatever it takes.

His LOVE for you is steadfast.
 

I don't know where you are as this year comes to an end,

but wherever you are...

no matter how near or far,

when He comes after you,

latch on to Him as though your life depended on it.

 

 

Don't doubt His love for you,

because He will run after the one.

 

 

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;

 I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

 

 

Psalm 40:4-12

    Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.  Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but my ears you have pierced; burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.    Then I said, "Here I am, I have come-- it is written about me in the scroll. I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."

 

 

She praised Him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

As I move around today in my home,

scurrying to get the last minute details completed,

preparing for our Christmas Eve dinner,

our evening with family and friends, 

and all of the festivities of Christmas Day,

 

I can't help but think of Mary.

 

Mary, the mother of our Savior.

 

I wonder...

how did she prepare for the coming of her Son's birth?

 

What was going through her heart

 and her mind,

 as she knew she would soon be holding the Savior of the world in her arms.

The Christ child who would be the miracle that is Christmas. 

 

As I read in Luke today,

I realized exactly what she did to prepare...

 

 

Luke 1:46-55

 

And Mary said:

“My soul glorifies the Lord
     and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
 for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
     for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
 He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
 He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.”

 

 

Mary praised Him.

 

With song and with the words of her mouth.

 

She praised the Savior within her.

 

She didn't scurry all around and busy herself with things.

 

She simply praised Him.

 

 

May you praise Him with your whole heart

 and with your song

 and with the words of your mouth today.

May His praises fill your home

as we prepare to celebrate our Savior's birth.

 

 

Merry Christmas!

 

May it be filled with all the goodness that only He can bring.

 

 

 

Isaiah 9:6,7 (The MSG)
 

His names will be;

 Amazing Counselor, Strong God, Eternal Father, Prince of Wholeness. His ruling authority will grow, and there'll be no limits to the wholeness He brings.